


First time for everything

by nebulein



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec has a lot of feelings okay?, Alec is a socially awkward little turtle, Alec's POV, Also known as, Angst, Anxiety, Canon Divergence, Dating, Dirty Talk, Explicit Language, First Time, Fluff, I APOLOGIZE, I blame Jace, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane is fabulous, Magnus has a filthy tongue, Magnus you have no idea, Many First Times, Oh and Also, Slow Build, Smut, There is no plot, a couple of freakouts, didn't think I'd make you read through all this without giving back did ya?, don't expect plot, everyone is awesome, happens to the best of us, how hard is it to get Alec Lightwood to sleep with you?, in that case enjoy, like the title says, maybe more than a couple, this gotta be the longest PWP ever, unintentional AU, unless that's your thing, what do you mean there was an episode after 1x12 Malec?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-07-14 09:59:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 63,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7166567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulein/pseuds/nebulein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It feels like some weight inside of Alec which has kept him off-kilter and unbalanced these last few weeks has finally clicked into place, pooling warm and low in his belly, as if kissing Magnus is what he was always meant to do. It’s the greatest kiss of Alec’s life, and there isn’t even any tongue involved. It feels like a dream. And then Alec draws back, looking at Magnus who is smiling at him, takes a deep breath, and reality comes rushing back in.</i>
</p><p>  <i>He just left Lydia in front of the altar. He just kissed Magnus, not just a guy but a warlock, a Downworlder, in front of everybody.</i> </p><p>  <i>Oh God, what has he done?</i></p><p>There are many things Alec Lightwood has never done before. There are many things Alec Lightwood wants to try. Most of them involve Magnus. Not all of them go smoothly. This is the story of Alec and Magnus and their first times. There's horrible dates and awkward fumbling and warmed up pizza and pillow fights and ruined makeup and nosy siblings and falling in love. As you do.</p><p>------</p><p><b>Note:</b> This fic is currently on hiatus. (More info in author's notes.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Hiatus notice (03/25/2018):** Please note this fic is currently on hiatus. That means there won't be any scheduled updates right now. I haven't abandoned it, but I've had some upheavals in my personal life that I need to deal with before I have the time and energy to write again. I've essentially put First Times on hold until then. I am very sorry for the inconvenience to those who are waiting for First Times to continue. This fic is my baby and I'm absolutely determined to see it through, but right now I just need to be able to focus on my life. I've already missed the February update and I won't make March either, so I'm officially freeing myself of the pressure to update once a month. I will update this fic when I've got a new chapter ready, but right now I'm just not promising when that will be.
> 
> My heartfelt thanks for all your kind words of encouragement and joy on the journey so far. They are truly treasured and appreciated. I'll be back as soon as I can.
> 
> -neb
> 
> \----------
> 
> Dana wanted Malec first time, and I didn't know which one to write so in the end I tried to write them all. This is how far I've got. The series is currently a WIP at ~~20k~~ ~~45k~~ 70k words and is still being written. However, since there's no true plot to speak of, it's not like reading only half of it will leave you hanging, so I figured I'd just post as I went along. I hope you enjoy the ride.
> 
> Kudos, eternal thanks and firstborns go to D, Lu and Schrehn for the beta, picking out my typos and fixing my paragraphs (writing epics on a cellphone is hard!) and general hand-holding, cheerleading and meta discussions at two in the morning. You girls rock. Any mistakes left are my own, let me know if you spot any.
> 
> Don't own nothing, I'm just playing, please don't sue.

 

* * *

_You can be my first time,  
and I will be your last_

* * *

 

The first time Alec kisses Magnus, right there in the church aisle in front of his parents, friends and representatives of the Clave, is simultaneously the best and worst kiss of Alec's life, mostly by virtue of being the only kiss in Alec's life so far.

It's sweet and awkward and Alec's heart is beating so fast he can hear the blood rushing in his ears, making him feel lightheaded. Magnus’ lips are soft and warm against his own and Alec can feel the eyes of the guests boring into his back, but none of them matter.

Nobody matters except Magnus, who makes Alec’s heart beat faster simply by being in the same room with him, who wears outrageous clothes and glitter eyeshadow and looks unbelievably sexy doing it, who is the High Warlock of Brooklyn, who can make Alec’s stomach do somersaults with a pointedly raised eyebrow, Magnus who is kissing him back right now, chasing after Alec’s lips and if the ground opened up right now and swallowed them whole Alec would die happy. 

It feels like some weight inside of Alec which has kept him off-kilter and unbalanced these last few weeks has finally clicked into place, pooling warm and low in his belly, as if kissing Magnus is what he was always meant to do. It’s the greatest kiss of Alec’s life, and there isn’t even any tongue involved. It feels like a dream. And then Alec draws back, looking at Magnus who is smiling at him, takes a deep breath, and reality comes rushing back in. 

He just left Lydia in front of the altar. He just kissed Magnus, not just a guy but a warlock, a Downworlder, in front of everybody. 

Oh God, what has he done? 

Alec turns around, facing his parents and the warm weight inside his belly turns into a cold, hard lump. His mother is staring at him, silently fuming, and she has every reason to be angry. Alec, who only ever wanted to do what was best for them, who was prepared to give up his own happiness for the good of the family, has just single-handedly ruined whatever good reputation the Lightwoods had left and all for selfish reasons. He feels like the worst son in the world right now.

Alec mentally steels himself for the outburst that is sure to follow, but Maryse only turns on her heels and wordlessly leaves. Somehow, this is even worse than being screamed at. Alec’s insides knot painfully together, making it hard to breathe, and this time it has nothing to do with Magnus.

Isabelle, of course, is entirely unruffled by the whole ordeal. She beams at Alec, proud and happy, and it eases the tight band around Alec’s chest a little to know that his sister is there, that she at least hasn’t turned away from him. Then Simon starts blubbering something unintelligible and Alec stops listening.

He’s just made the biggest mess of his life and Alec’s got no idea how to fix it, and yet there’s this tiny voice in the back of his head that is happily twirling in a circle crooning “I just kissed Magnus Bane and it was amazing”. No matter how much trouble it might land him in, Alec would kiss Magnus again anytime. His only real regret is that he hasn’t done it sooner.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first date goes about as well as can be expected, which is to say disastrous.

Their first date goes about as well as can be expected, which is to say disastrous.

Alec spends so much time fretting over his clothes, discarding one ratty t-shirt after the other until he’s worked himself up into such a sweat that he has to go take another shower. He finally caves and borrows a plain black shirt from Jace, which is just a bit too short so it keeps riding up if he stretches too much, but at least it's not faded or ripped or dirty like apparently all of Alec's clothes. The second shower has already taken up too much time and then he gets held up by Starkweather on his way out of the Institute.

By the time he makes it to Magnus’ door Alec’s twenty minutes late.

He’s also very, very nervous.

Magnus takes the chance to pout at him over his Appletini, looking glamorous and composed and everything that Alec is not, and Alec is so flustered he chokes on his Vodka Sour, leaving him red-faced and sputtering. Magnus helpfully pats him on the back and the contact of Magnus’ warm hand on his back sends sparks down Alec’s spine that only make him cough harder.

They end up at some super-swanky place in Manhattan. Alec takes one look at the prices on the menu and blanches. Magnus is quick to interject “this is my treat, of course” and Alec realizes Magnus is probably sitting on a hoard of gold like a small, very shiny dragon, but it still makes him feel uncomfortable. Being a guy, Alec somehow always expected to be the one paying. He’s never thought about who pays if it’s two guys on a date. 

By the angel, until last week he’s never even thought about dating a guy. Alec has thought himself in love with Jace for so long, he had just kind of accepted that it was never gonna happen for him. He figured he’d marry a Shadowhunter, start a family of his own and consider himself lucky if he remained parabatai with Jace. He’d been set to do just that with Lydia when Magnus had gone and turned Alec’s whole world upside down.

And yes, it’s been confusing and scary and Alec knows there are a lot of battles yet to come (his mother still hasn’t spoken more than three words with him since the wedding, for one), but it’s also exciting and nerve-wracking and Alec’s feeling more alive than he has in years.

Somehow everything has become more intense. The air smells a little sweeter, the sun shines a little brighter and apparently Alec has turned into a big sap without noticing. Or maybe it’s the gay. Is this what being gay feels like? Does this mean he’ll feel like this for the rest of his life? Because Alec doesn’t think he can really do anything about being gay. But then he’s been having feelings for Jace for years now (and that counts as gay, right?) but it’s never made him feel like this. Alec takes a deep breath and shoves all of those thoughts away before he can work himself up to a proper panic attack and focuses on the menu instead, trying to decide what to order.

The menu includes things like escargots and pintade, nearly every dish containing at least one ingredient which Alec has never heard of, and he’s already too embarrassed to ask. Magnus orders barigoule and Pinot Grigio, words rolling easily off his tongue, and Alec picks the hamachi because it’s the first thing on the page. He’s ninety percent sure what arrives on his plate is fish.

~*~

“When I was fifteen, one of my first missions was stalking Eluthied demons at a meat market. We went there every day for almost two weeks. That’s when I decided to become a vegetarian.”

Magnus looks almost shocked. “You’re a vegetarian?”

“No, not anymore. Izzy converted me back with bacon two years later.” Alec smiles at the memory. Izzy is an abominable cook, a fact which she studiously ignores (much to the chagrin of everybody who doesn’t make it out of the kitchen quickly enough), but even she had been wise enough not to try to win him back over by cooking something. Instead, every time they had gone out for food, she had ordered something meaty. Preferably with bacon. And she always offered him a bite. Alec’s resistance had crumbled quickly.

“Who can resist a delicious piece of meat,” Magnus says, looking at Alec with that intent stare that he sometimes gets. Suddenly the room feels three degrees hotter, making the sweat break out on Alec’s back. He swallows, but his mouth is completely dry, as if he’s stumbled into a desert without noticing. Alec takes a quick swig of wine.

“My parents were not amused by my _‘teenage antics’_.” Alec actually manages to pull off a decent imitation of Maryse.

“You’re telling me your teenage rebellion was to become a vegetarian?”

“When you put it like that…” It sounds ridiculous. But Alec supposes it’s one way of looking at it. “I was a pretty conscientious teenager.”

“Hmm,” Magnus says, sounding amused even though Alec has no idea what's supposed to be funny about that. “So you've never properly rebelled against your parents?”

“I've kissed a warlock at my Shadowhunter wedding.” Alec shoots back before he can stop himself. Sometimes his big mouth does get the better of him.

Magnus just laughs and nods his head in Alec's direction. “Touché, my dear.”

Alec takes another sip of his wine.

“Is that why you did it, then? Kiss me?” Magnus asks, voice low and serious.

“I did it because it's the only thing I could think about for weeks. When you came into that church…” Alec shrugs. “It just felt like the right thing to do.” He stops studying his wineglass and looks Magnus in the eye. “I kissed you because I wanted to.”

Magnus is smiling. Not a huge one, just a small smile, but it's so sincere. His eyes are shining, studying Alec’s face as if nothing in the world matters right now but Alec. Alec stares back, mostly because he doesn't know what else to do and because it's impossible to escape that gaze. He can feel another blush creeping its way up his face. His stomach feels like he's on a rollercoaster, simultaneously being pulled in every direction, he can feel his hands getting clammy and the room starts to feel stifling, air too hot and muggy to draw a proper breath. It's like someone has put a spell on them.

Or course, that's when the waiter appears at their table. “Everything to your satisfaction, gentlemen?”

Magnus breaks their gaze, looking none too pleased at the interruption. While there's a fake smile plastered on his face, his eyes seem to silently promise eternal hellfire for their waiter. “Everything's just fine.” He dismisses the waiter with a rather firm “thank you.”

The waiter simply nods and quickly makes his exit. Alec almost feels sorry for the poor guy.

When Magnus looks back at Alec, shooting him an apologetic smile, Alec just shrugs. The spell between them has been broken, but Alec finds he breathes a little easier for it.

~*~

Magnus is gracious and charming, regaling Alec with stories like that one time he went fishing in Scotland and ended up settling a dispute between a kelpie and a mermaid by relocating the kelpie to Loch Ness. 

“You’re saying Nessie exists?”

“Oh yes,” Magnus grins, “we’re good friends.”

Alec, on the other hand, is a huge klutz, missing no opportunity to stuff his foot in his mouth or blush a rather unbecoming shade of scarlet. He ends up using the wrong fork, dripping sauce onto his chin and crowns this show of ineptitude by a spectacular display of coordination.  
“...and then BOOM!” Alec gestures and sends his wineglass flying. He watches, frozen in horror as the wine spills over in slow motion, flying towards Magnus’ face.

Magnus saves them both from a bigger catastrophe by quickly magicking it back into the glass. 

“If you didn’t like my wine choice, Alexander, you could have just said something,” Magnus teases gently.

Alec is too mortified to form a coherent reply. His right shoulder blade itches furiously in the place where his accuracy rune has no doubt just faded from his body in shame.

~*~

Alec’s pretty sure Magnus is only still sitting opposite him because Magnus is too much a gentleman to leave a date stranded in a restaurant. Plus he offered to pay, so… Alec wonders whether it would be the polite thing to find some pretext to excuse himself, maybe even see if there are any windows in the restrooms he can climb out of. Better to spare Magnus the embarrassment of having to let Alec down easy at the end of the night. They can both see that Alec is no match for Magnus.

He’s just getting ready to get up and scout for possible exit routes or maybe even suck up months of relentless teasing and call Izzy for an emergency extraction when Magnus reaches out his hand, entangling his fingers with Alec’s.

Magnus’ grip is strong and warm, making Alec’s fingers tingle as if an electric current is running through them, but there are no blue magic sparks to be seen. It’s both pleasant and slightly unsettling at the same time. Nobody has ever made Alec feel like that before. Magnus smiles at him, a little wistful, and Alec wonders whether this is it, he’s too late to make his exit because Magnus is already preparing his little “let’s face it, this is never gonna work between us”-speech.

Alec doesn’t want to hear it. Even though this has been the most embarrassing night of his life, he still kinda enjoys Magnus’ company, likes listening when Magnus tells one of his stories complete with waving hands (no knocked over glasses here) and silly impressions. He likes Magnus’ dry wit of humor and even though Alec is a horrible date, Magnus has never made him feel inferior.

Magnus, of course, has no intention of behaving how Alec expects him to. 

“Thank you, Alexander Lightwood,” Magnus says and it’s so far off script, Alec takes a second to process the words. 

“For, uh, for what?” Alec stammers, because Magnus’ thumb has started rubbing little circles over Alec’s pulse point and to be honest it’s a little distracting.

“For this date. I have had a delightful evening.” Magnus sounds entirely sincere, no trace of mockery in his voice. “You look confused.”

“I, uh…” Suddenly the tablecloth seems very interesting. “I figured you were dumping me after this,” Alec finally confesses.

“Why on earth would you think that?”

“Look at us.” Alec gestures with his free hand between them, careful to stay far out of reach of any glassware. “You’re glamorous and suave and rich and funny. You fit right in here.”

It’s true. Magnus looks perfectly at home between the cream leather couches, modern chandeliers and damask tablecloths. Magnus may always stand out in a crowd and yet he seems to fit right in with Manhattan’s rich and famous.

Alec, on the other hand, has never felt so out of place.

“Me, I’m horribly underdressed, I can’t pronounce half the items on the menu and I don’t even know what a fish fork is.”

Magnus’ face seems to fall during Alec’s little rant, even though he’s still holding on to Alec’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus says, throwing Alec another curve ball because if anything Alec should be the one apologizing, “I should have realized this place was a bit too much for our first date.” He looks genuinely distraught.

“It’s not the place, it’s…” Alec looks around the room, trying to find the right words to make Magnus understand. “Me,” Alec finishes lamely.

“Nonsense.” Magnus waves away Alec’s concerns with a wave of his hand. “You’ve been nothing but delightful, Alexander.” Alec’s about to object but Magnus fixes him with a stern look. “I will not tolerate any contention on that point.” 

Alec shuts his mouth again.

“However, I do have a proposition to make.” Magnus’ eyes have suddenly taken on a mischievous glint that sends the heat pooling in Alec’s stomach somewhere considerably lower. “You wanna get out of this place?”

“Hell yes,” Alec breathes, desperate to leave this place behind him. 

It earns him a small laugh from Magnus who gets up, holding a hand out to Alec. “Come on, then.”

~*~

They leave the restaurant in a hurry. A waiter is already waiting with their coats at the door, which Magnus collects without breaking stride. 

“What about the bill?” Alec asks, hurrying after Magnus. 

“Don’t worry,” Magnus shrugs, “they have my card on file.”

~*~

Out of some unspoken agreement they end up back at Magnus’ place. Magnus opens the front door with a flick of his wrist and then seems to think better of it, hovering halfway inside the door. “Would you care to join me?”

“I, uh…” Alec blushes at the thought of what that question entails. He may be new at this whole dating thing, but he's suffered through enough of Izzy’s cheesy romance movies to know where this is heading. The evening has been such a rollercoaster ride, he’s not sure he’s ready yet for more.

“Some other time then,” Magnus says easily, sparing Alec a response.

“Yeah.” Alec is a little surprised to find he’d actually like the idea of there being a second time.  
Magnus looks at him, smiling, and raises his hand. For a moment it looks like he can’t decide whether to draw Alec into a hug or simply offer his hand to shake. In the end, he rests it on Alec’s elbow instead. 

“It appears this is goodbye then,” Magnus says and Alec isn’t sure whether he imagines the regret in Magnus’ voice. 

“Guess so.”

They’re standing close, close enough that Alec can smell a faint whiff of Magnus’ cologne, faces only inches apart, and even though they’ve said their goodbyes neither of them is moving.

Magnus is looking at Alec, face open and inviting as if he’s waiting to see whether Alec is going to make a move and Alec’s heart is beating so fast it’s nearly in his throat. The last time they were so close Alec was kissing Magnus in front of the entire wedding party and now can’t think about anything but kissing those soft lips again, tasting the remnants of the wine they had on Magnus’ lips, chasing that taste until all that remains is Magnus, pure and fresh beneath him.

He takes a small step closer, crowding into Magnus’ space and Magnus curls his fingers around Alec’s elbow, gently encouraging him, and then Alec’s pressed up against Magnus, pushing him back and into the house until Magnus’ back hits the wall. Alec seals Magnus’ lips with his and Magnus makes this small sound in his throat, like a tiny whimper, and tilts his head up so Alec can kiss him deeper.

Alec had thought their first kiss had been pretty good, but it’s nothing compared to this one. They’re pressed up close together, touching all the way from thigh to nose, and Alec can feel Magnus’ body heat through his shirt, feel the imprint of chains against his chest. He’s got his hands on Magnus’ jaw, cradling him close and Magnus' hands run circles up and down Alec’s back, sending delicious shivers down his spine. And then Alec can feel Magnus’ tongue against his lips and he opens up, invites him in and Magnus hums in response and takes what he can get.

It’s a lot more intimate than the kiss in the church, and a lot more heated. Alec thinks his legs have turned to jelly, he’s not sure they can support him any longer so he uses his arm against the wall to steady himself. It’s exhilarating and new and so much better than Alec had ever dreamed.

So this is what all the fuss is about.

If Alec had known it would feel like this, he'd have made sure to kiss somebody sooner. Much sooner. Like, five years ago at least. Alec has a lot of time to make up for, and he throws himself into it with gusto.

Kissing is _awesome_.

~*~

They kiss for what seems like a small eternity, until Magnus starts to shift uncomfortably and Alec grows aware that they’re still in the hallway where anybody could technically see them. He hides against Magnus’ shoulder, too overwhelmed to face him right now. Magnus huffs a soft laugh and cards his fingers through Alec’s hair, scraping lightly over his scalp which sends a whole new round of shivers down Alec’s body.

Now that the heat of the moment has passed, Alec suddenly realizes that it’s gotten considerably colder. He really should be getting home.

“Alexander,” Magnus says, and his voice sounds scratchy and raw and unbelievably sexy. Alec takes pleasure in the knowledge that he made Magnus sound that way.

“Yeah?” He asks, meeting Magnus’ gaze at last and Magnus beams at him. Alec can feel an answering smile spreading slowly across his face.

“When will I see you again?”

Alec takes a moment to mentally go through his schedule. It’s Friday night, he’s set to go out with Jace and Clary tomorrow and then Sunday is family, and Monday is the Institute meeting.  
“Tuesday?” he says, even though he’s not sure how he’s going to make it till then.

Magnus looks a little crestfallen but accepts it with a small nod. “It’s a date.” He winks at Alec, startling him into a laugh.

“A date,” Alec repeats. And then he presses another quick kiss to Magnus’ lips because they’re red and glistening and he has to go four days until he can kiss them again. It’s gonna be torture.

Of course, what was meant to be a quick kiss turns into something more, because Magnus’ lips are too damn inviting and Alec has no self-control. Magnus, as it turns out, isn’t much better.

They try three times to say goodbye, always falling back into each other.

“I should…,” Alec says, reluctant to part.

“Yeah.” 

Magnus is still close enough that Alec can feel Magnus’ breath on his cheek when he speaks. They stare at each other, neither one moving, and Alec’s gaze keeps wandering from Magnus’ eyes to his lips and back again. He really should go. But Magnus is warm and inviting and so goddamn delicious, tasting of honey and something spicy underneath, and his tongue does wicked things that have Alec’s stomach doing somersaults.

Alec knows he should go, but it’s an impossible task when Magnus’ lips are right there, just inches from Alec’s own, already red and glistening from kissing, ripe for the taking. Alec can’t help but claim those lips again. And every time he does Magnus makes these noises, small moans or gasp or breathless little sighs that drive Alec up the wall, that make him do anything just to hear them again.

In the end, it’s Magnus who calls it quits.

“Good night, Alexander.” Magnus says, sounding fond and amused. He reluctantly disentangles himself to start up the stairs to his apartment.

Alec is sad to see him go. “Good night, Magnus.”

All the way home Alec feels surprisingly giddy. His first date with Magnus has been a total disaster. He can’t wait for the next one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their second date, Alec is pleased to say, goes a lot smoother than their first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another short one. I promise the next ones will be longer!

Their second date, Alec is pleased to say, goes a lot smoother than their first.

They go on a paddle boat tour in Central Park and Alec only once rocks the boat badly enough that Magnus has to cling to him to keep them both from capsizing. There is something about being in Magnus’ presence that has Alec losing his fine-grained motor skills in favor of uncontrollable flailing and it's mortifying to say the least, but Magnus just laughs and tells him about the time he hired onto a boat in Peru and ended up covered completely in guano.

They end up back in Magnus’ loft, stacked on top of one another on a dainty rose-colored chaise longue that Magnus seems quite fond of. Alec is quite fond of Magnus’ body between his legs, writhing on top of him as Alec kisses him, exploring everywhere with lips and tongue and teeth as far as he can reach.

When he gently bites Magnus’ earlobe, sucking it between his teeth, Magnus lets out an anguished moan and presses himself against Alec's thigh. Interesting. Alec files the knowledge away for later and keeps exploring.

They stay cuddled together on the far too small couch, limbs entangled in such a mess that Alec isn't sure anymore where he stops and Magnus begins, until dusk begins to fall, tinting the whole room in bluish grays.

“I should probably get going,” Alec murmurs, absentmindedly tracing the shell of Magnus’ ear with his finger. Magnus gives a content little shudder and presses closer, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Alec's neck.

“Are you sure?” he asks sleepily, seemingly content to stay cuddled up on the couch for the foreseeable future, but Alec had assured Izzy he'd be back by dinnertime and he's starting to develop an uncomfortable crick in his neck.

“‘Fraid so,” he mutters into Magnus’ hair, breathing in the scent of Magnus’ shampoo. It smells nice.

Alec briefly considers trying to call Izzy with a change of plans, but his phone is currently buried in his back pocket and there's no way either of them will reach it without both of them falling off the couch. He might as well face his fate. Much as he's loathe to admit, he'll have to get off this couch sooner or later.

Magnus grumbles something unintelligible and stretches with a yawn, delicately untangling himself from Alec. Alec takes in the small slip of skin revealed when Magnus lifts his hands above his head and tries not to drool.

It's a close call.

They haven't done anything besides cuddling and kissing all afternoon (aside from that one heated moment when Magnus had writhed against Alec just so, hips trapped between Alec's legs and Alec had been embarrassingly close to actually coming in his pants). Magnus hasn't even tried to get his hands beneath Alec's shirt and Alec is insanely grateful that Magnus seems to be happy to let Alec set the pace.

They kiss all the way to the door, reluctant to part, and kissing Magnus may be Alec's new favorite pastime because he just can't seem to get enough. It's intoxicating and addicting and it makes his whole body feel new and strange and awesome at the same time.

They stand in the door, Alec tracing a path of sloppy kisses down Magnus’ neck to his favorite new spot just above Magnus’ collarbone, and Alec is rather grateful Magnus chose to wear a red silk shirt with silver embroidery on it that Magnus has left helpfully halfway-unbuttoned, giving Alec easy access to all kinds of interesting new places on Magnus’ body.

Magnus finally heaves a great put-upon sigh at having to be the responsible one and gently shuts the door in Alec's face.

By the time Alec's standing outside on the street it's grown fully dark and Alec runs all the way back to the Institute to make up for lost time.

Isabelle awaits Alec at the steps to the Institute, looking all geared up to chew Alec out for being late. Alec shoots her an apologetic grin, unable to wipe the smile off his face. Izzy takes one look at his rumpled clothes and flushed cheeks and settles for rolling her eyes at him, ushering him inside.

 

A young werewolf later claims to have seen a tall, dark Shadowhunter skipping down Lexington Avenue. A Nephilim skipping down the street. Yeah right. Thankfully nobody believes him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Magnus slides his hand under Alec's shirt, Alec freezes mid-kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little longer. The parts are getting longer, but that means betaing them also takes longer. Plus, certain ladies are busy watching football right now. *coughs* Anyways, on to the angst!

The first time Magnus slides his hand under Alec's shirt, Alec freezes mid-kiss. Alarm bells start shrilling in his head, complete with red flashing lights and a mechanical voice droning “Intruder detected! Danger! Abort!” on repeat. Which is of course utter nonsense because it's Magnus so there’s really no danger here, but Alec's brain is too busy freaking out to get the memo.

They’re standing in Magnus’ kitchen, Magnus’ back pressed against the counter where Alec cornered him, stealing a kiss. Magnus had laughed, muttering something that sounded almost like “insatiable” against Alec’s lips before kissing him back, falling easily into the kiss, letting Alec steal his breath. And Alec loved it. Loves kissing Magnus, so much so that he cannot get enough of it. 

Until now.

Alec breaks off the kiss, resting his cheek against Magnus’ temple in the way that he'll do when things are moving too fast. He just needs a moment to sort through the jumble of emotions and thoughts rushing through his head all at once. It’s not like Alec hasn’t imagined this before, hasn’t longed for Magnus’ touch, fantasized what it would feel like. It’s just that he never really imagined it like this. Magnus has caught him entirely off guard. And now that it’s finally happening, it’s almost like his body is betraying him, flushing his system with adrenaline for all the wrong reasons. He should feel excited instead of scared. Magnus’ hand isn't even doing anything. It simply slipped beneath Alec's shirt, resting at the small of his back, fingers warm and rings cold against Alec's skin and Alec gives an involuntary shiver.

By now even Magnus must have noticed that Alec has turned into a piece of wood, frozen in place, and yet he doesn't do anything. He neither retreats his hand nor does he invade any more of Alec's space by moving it. Magnus simply gives Alec time to grow accustomed to this feeling, this thought that maybe it's okay for Magnus to be touching him. If Alec is honest with himself, if he puts everything else aside and just concentrates on the touch, it feels kind of nice. But then Magnus’ hand under his shirt means Magnus wants to feel his skin, wants to do more than they’ve been doing so far, might even want Alec to lose his shirt altogether and Alec isn't ready yet to face the disappointment (or worse yet, disgust) when Magnus gets a proper look at him.

Magnus is so incredibly beautiful, well-defined muscles that give his body definition without overpowering it, testament of measured strength, flawless skin stretching on forever, not a hair out of place. Alec feels like an ugly duckling next to a swan. Yes, Magnus has already walked in on Alec half-naked during training, but that had been different. Surely Magnus will realize once he sees Alec's body, properly this time, sees it littered with scars and runes, ugly bumps and bruises, that Alec is damaged goods.

Things with Magnus have been so unbelievably good (once they got over their initial awkwardness and Alec learned control over his limbs in Magnus’ presence), Alec’s almost restless with nervous anticipation. Something this good cannot last. It never does. Alec just keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Magnus seeing him naked has got to be that shoe.

Or maybe Magnus will finally get annoyed enough with Alec's hang ups to decide Alec isn't worth the effort. Alec wouldn't hold it against him. They've been dating for nearly three weeks now and they haven't even gotten to second base yet. Surely Magnus will get tired of waiting for Alec sooner rather than later and go find himself somebody without a mountain of issues on their back.

Alec just hopes Magnus' patience will hold out a little longer because Alec isn't ready yet to give this up. He loves kissing Magnus, feeling him close, the prickling feeling he gets in his stomach when Magnus looks at him right before he kisses Alec, the way Alec's knees turn to jelly and his heart starts hammering when they're together. He loves kissing Magnus' lips, soft and inviting beneath him, tasting sometimes faintly of strawberry chapstick, loves running his tongue over Magnus’ lips and feel them part for him, inviting Alec inside.

Alec knows it won't last, that he's being selfish right now, tying Magnus down, but he can't help it. He feels like a man dying of thirst, desperately scrambling after every drop of water he can find. Magnus is Alec's oasis in the desert and he isn't strong enough to leave it. So he stays, taking greedily all Magnus is willing to offer and waits for the day when everything turns into a Fata Morgana.

“Alec, darling,” Magnus says softly, snapping Alec out of his thoughts. He looks at Alec, silently asking a question, eyes full of concern and Alec feels a sudden wave of emotion he can't quite put a name to.

“I don't want you to turn into a Fata Morgana,” he says before he can stop himself. Magnus frowns at him, and Alec realizes he must sound like a crazy person. Maybe he _is_ turning crazy.

Magnus looks like he’s about to say something, so Alec quickly cuts him off.

“Forget that, that was stupid. Let's just pretend I didn't say anything?”

“Alec—”

Magnus' thumb has started rubbing small circles on Alec's back, just a small involuntary movement judging from the fact that Magnus is still trying to puzzle out the clusterfuck that is Alec Lightwood and Alec is surprised to find it helps. Feeling Magnus' skin on his, feeling his touch without the barrier of their clothing between them, it's so much more intimate and in return much more effective. It grounds Alec, tethers him to Magnus, keeps Alec from drifting off. It's distracting, but in a good way.

“I’m fine.”

Alec closes his eyes, concentrating only on that touch, on the goosebumps breaking out on his skin, making him shiver. He leans into the touch, arching his back and Magnus makes this surprised noise and grips Alec more firmly.

Yes. This is so much better than talking. Talking only lands Alec in trouble. Magnus still seems unwilling to let Alec's comment slide so Alec tries to distract him, the same way Magnus' hand has somehow managed to distract Alec from the freakout it originally caused.

Alec leans forward by instinct, nose bumping against Magnus' as he blindly searches for Magnus' mouth, intent to pick back up where they left off. He ignores the small sound of protest from Magnus when Alec’s lips find their target, kissing away any objections Magnus might voice.

And because Alec isn’t above playing a little dirty when it’s for a good cause, he grabs Magnus’ ass and hitches him closer to Alec, pressing his right leg between Magnus’ own. Magnus makes another sound, this one more like a yelp followed by a drawn out groan and holds on tight, one hand wrapped around Alec’s shoulder and the other still beneath his shirt, fingers splayed out wide in the small of Alec’s back.

And just like that they’re back on track, kissing with renewed intensity and a slight edge of desperation that wasn’t there before. Alec’s hands find their way beneath Magnus’ shirt of their own volition, greedy for contact. Feeling Magnus’ skin underneath his fingers, warm and soft and slightly damp with sweat eases the knot in Alec’s stomach a little. Alec forgets everything around him, gets lost in the feel of Magnus’ body under his hands, soft and pliable against his own.

If he makes this kiss good enough, maybe he can keep Magnus from breaking up with him for a while longer. He pulls Magnus closer, as if he can keep him from bolting if he just keeps him close enough. Alec needs to feel Magnus to reassure himself that Magnus is still here, still his for the time being. If Alec could plaster himself all over Magnus, engulf every inch of him he’d do it in a heartbeat. If all Alec had to do to keep Magnus from leaving him was hold him close, he’d never let go again. Because he needs Magnus, needs his presence in his life like he needs air and water to survive. Just the thought of losing Magnus makes his heart constrict painfully in his chest, robs him of his breath.

He breaks off the kiss, desperate for air. The whole room feels suddenly too small. 

Stop.

Alec draws in a shuddering breath and squashes those feelings down. They haven’t even been dating for a full month and Alec is already in way too deep. He has no right to feel like this. Yes, he’s risked so much to be with Magnus, but Magnus doesn’t owe him anything. It isn’t Magnus’ fault that Alec is a pathetic excuse of a man. It certainly won’t do Alec any good to let Magnus see this. So he plasters on a smile and tries to look calm, even though he feels like there’s a storm raging inside him, too many different emotions battling for control. Alec doesn’t know what to feel anymore so he shoves them all down.

“We, uh… Did you… I forgot why we’re in the kitchen.” He knows he followed Magnus in here, interrupting him, but he can’t remember what Magnus was originally doing.

Magnus raises an eyebrow, staring at Alec with an unreadable expression on his face.

“I was just getting a bowl for the popcorn,” he says, pointedly looking at the bowl sitting on the counter behind him. Oh yeah, right.

When Alec had admitted over dinner that he didn’t know who Mary Poppins was, Magnus had dropped everything and insisted that they watch the movie. _Right now_. Alec can’t remember seeing Magnus so insistent on something. Usually Magnus was open to anything Alec felt like. He might make suggestions, but never insisted on them. Seeing Magnus so forceful about something had made Alec shut up about any protests he might have had. Mary Poppins it was. Alec didn’t really mind. He liked the thought of snuggling up on the couch watching a movie with Magnus, even if that movie was a children’s flick from forever ago.

“Popcorn!” Alec exclaims with more enthusiasm than it warrants. “Right.” He snatches up the bowl, holding it in front of him almost like a shield. He just needs to give his hands something to hold other than Magnus, or he’s afraid he won’t be able to let go. “You coming?”

Magnus follows him into the living room cautiously, as if he’s not quite sure what to make of the situation. Alec studiously ignores the awkwardness and smiles harder.

They settle on the couch, close but not quite touching, even though Magnus’ arm is stretched out on the couch, hand only inches from Alec’s shoulder. Alec grabs a fistful of popcorn and tries to concentrate on the movie.

~*~

Mary and Bert have just danced off after the penguins when Alec feels a hand at the nape of his neck. It’s just the barest touch of fingers, playing with his hair, brushing over the sensitive skin. Alec looks over at Magnus but Magnus’ gaze is focused intently on the screen, completely engrossed in the story, and yeah, Alec can understand now why Magnus loves the movie so much. He’d been skeptical at first (a magical nanny? Really?), but he has to admit the movie has its own special charm. So he doesn’t fight it, instead leaning back slightly into the touch, giving those fingers more of him to reach. They slip into his hair, scraping over Alec’s scalp, gently tugging on his hair, tracing the shell of his ear.

Not five minutes later Alec is having trouble keeping his eyes open, ready to curl up and purr like a cat. Magnus’ fingers are still petting him, tracing idle circles, scratching this way and that, sending pleasant shivers down his back. Alec scoots a little closer, close enough so he can rest his head on Magnus’ shoulder and Magnus adjusts easily, shifting a little so they’re both more comfortable. He doesn’t say anything and Alec is grateful for it, the sounds of the movie filling the silence between them.

Alec doesn’t even stir when the hand that’s been in his hair slowly wanders lower until it’s almost at his butt and then slips under his t-shirt to rest against his waist. His skin tingles where Magnus is touching him, but it’s a good kind of tingle, one that pools nice and warm in his belly. Alec presses a quick kiss against Magnus’ neck.

When Magnus turns his head to look at Alec, answering Alec’s smile with a small one of his own, Alec’s stomach gives a little lurch. His stomach feels alive, like there’s a colony of butterflies trapped inside, fluttering excitedly in every which direction. Magnus gives Alec a small reassuring squeeze and turns back to the TV. Alec lets his head drop onto Magnus’ shoulder again, but the smile stays on his face.

Michael and Jane run off to go fly a kite and Alec can't help feeling a little less morose. He’s still convinced that fate doesn’t have a happy end for them in store, but for now Alec is content taking what he can get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It takes Alec until the third time they watch this movie to finally cotton on that Magnus has a crush on Julie Andrews. In fact, Magnus has loved the movie (and her) since the first time he saw it. When it came out. In the cinema. So, like, fifty years ago.  
> “Did you ever meet her?” Alec tries to sound casual, squashing down the pang of jealousy at this revelation.  
> “No,” Magnus makes a dismissive wave with his hand, “meeting your idols never works out.” He sounds almost mournful, as if he's speaking from personal experience. Alec files it away as another question for a rainy day.
> 
> Also, “A Spoonful of Sugar” may not be the most appropriate song to get stuck in your head while you’re out slaying demons, but it lifts his mood nonetheless. Alec amuses himself by adjusting the lyrics to “a mouthful of arrow helps the demon spawn go down” and only stops once Jace catches him humming.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Alec sleeps over at Magnus’ place, he’s stumbled into the apartment at two in the morning, drenched in demon slime and bleeding from a cut in his upper arm.

They fall into an easy rhythm, seeing each other at least three times per week, schedules permitting. Which isn’t as easy as it sounds. Between Alec going demon hunting, training and various other responsibilities at the Institute, and Magnus keeping all kinds of weird appointments with his clients, they sometimes keep odd hours.

The first time Alec sleeps over at Magnus’ place, he’s stumbled into the apartment at two in the morning, drenched in demon slime and bleeding from a cut in his upper arm. He makes it just inside the door before his legs buckle beneath him, the last of the fight leaving his body. Thankfully Magnus is there to catch him. Now that the adrenaline is slowly fading from his system, Alec’s arm starts to throb painfully.

After the first moment of panic at seeing Alec bleeding onto his floor has passed, Magnus takes care of the cut easily, blue sparks flicking over Alec’s skin with a warm tingle, and Alec’s too exhausted to do much more than lean his head against Magnus’ chest and breathe a little easier.

He hadn’t even thought about where to go, body on autopilot after that demon attack, legs carrying him to wherever he felt safest. Guess that means Magnus’ arms now. Huh. Just feeling him close, smelling his familiar scent calms Alec down, as if everything will be alright now that he’s with Magnus. Alec doesn’t even have the energy left to properly freak out about this new revelation. All he wants to do is sleep. For a really long time. Five years sounds about right.

Magnus crinkles his nose, taking in the ichor and bits of demon goo stuck to Alec’s hair, and quickly decides that Alec is not going to touch his sheets like that. “C’mon, we need to get you cleaned up.” 

Magnus tries to coax Alec into a sitting position, but all of Alec’s limbs feel like they’re filled with lead. He can’t possibly lift his arm, much less stand back up.

“‘M too tired to shower,” Alec mumbles, nuzzling closer to Magnus and trying not to take it personal when Magnus keeps him an arm length away now that he’s made sure Alec isn’t hurt anywhere else.

“Fine,” Magnus sighs and then Alec’s vision goes blue for a moment, drenched in the flickering light of Magnus’ magic. When Alec looks at his hands, the blood smears have suddenly disappeared. Huh. Alec hadn’t known that Magnus could do magic showers. That’s nifty. He smiles, loopy from exhaustion, eyelids drifting closed. He barely registers being lifted by strong arms.

The last thing he remembers is feeling warm and safe right before the darkness of sleep pulls him under.

~*~

When he wakes up he’s alone in Magnus’ huge bed. It’s not like this is the first time he’s in it, they have made out on Magnus’ bed before (much more comfortable than that tiny chaise longue), but in the end Alec had always gotten up and sneaked back to the Institute.

He blinks sleepily against the ray of sunshine falling through a slit in the curtains, tickling his nose. Alec sneezes, and then groans when the abortive movement twinges in his arm. The cut has healed but his flesh is still tender.

Last night comes back to him in bits and pieces. He remembers hearing the girl screaming in an alley. He had been out alone, on his way back from speaking to Raphael at the Hotel Dumort about a problem with fledgeling vampires attacking partygoers downtown, the last of a long list of chores for the day, and Alec had cursed himself for going out without his bow and arrow.

He’d made do, slaying the demon with just his seraph blade, but it had meant getting up close and personal and Alec had lost track of all those tentacles with razor-sharp tips swinging through the air. One of them had nicked his arm just as he had driven his blade into the demon’s chest, sending it back to whatever hell dimension it had crawled out of.

“I see you’re awake,” Magnus drawls, appearing in the doorway to his bedroom with nothing on but a silk, mint green dressing gown, loosely tied around his hips and a skimpy pair of… Alec has no idea what the proper term for the hot pink garment is that clads Magnus’ hips in surprisingly little cloth, hugging his curves impossibly tight and sparkling at the top with what looks like sequins? It leaves little to the imagination and while they’ve been going at a steady rate, so far the furthest they’ve gotten is shirtless.

Well, Magnus has been shirtless multiple times. Alec has only lost his shirt once, and granted, it had been dark, so neither of them had been able to really see anything. Magnus had just been returning from the bedroom, light already turned off when Alec had come up to ask him something and one thing led to another… They ended up making out on Magnus’ bed with only a thin sliver of light falling in from the open doorway.

It had been pretty amazing, feeling Magnus’ chest against his, skin hot and warm and slightly sweaty. Magnus had kissed a trail down Alec’s neck, over his chest and down his abs, stopping only right above Alec’s waist band and Alec had been so overwhelmed he had to call a time-out to keep from coming in his pants. The second time-out had been when Magnus discovered just how sensitive Alec’s nipples are. The third time-out had been called by Magnus and involved some very pointed groping on Alec’s part. He still feels a little proud of that one.

So yes, they’ve gone shirtless, but this...

This is much more than shirtless.

Alec is still uncomfortable with others seeing him naked, cannot imagine how anyone can find the mess of runes and scars littering his body as anything other but appalling. However, seeing Magnus like this, half-naked, first thing in the morning, is quite a different thing. It’s a magnificent sight to take in, so much so that Alec doesn’t even know where to look first. 

From Magnus’ barefoot feet over lean muscular legs, flat stomach showing just the hint of a six-pack (but no belly button), to well-defined abs… Magnus looks good enough to eat. The sight of him sets off the familiar twinge in Alec’s belly, that combination of curiosity and arousal, making his fingers itch to reach out and touch every inch of exposed skin, explore Magnus’ body with hands and lips. Not to mention that skimpy pink number that Magnus calls underwear... Alec can suddenly think of all kinds of things he wants to do with Magnus but doesn’t really know how.

When Alec drags his eyes away from Magnus’ crotch, Magnus is still standing in the doorway, mustering Alec with a slight smirk and a raised eyebrow that say he knows exactly what Alec is thinking about. Alec flushes a deep scarlet from his chest to his hair. 

So. Busted. 

He lets out an embarrassed groan and buries his face in his hands, trying to scrub away the flush, unable to meet Magnus’ eyes.

“I'm glad to see you're feeling better,” Magnus observes smugly, holding out a steaming mug of coffee.

Alec makes a grab for it, glad to have something to hide behind and also, coffee. He can feel Magnus’ fingertips featherlight against his skin, checking on the cut on his arm. Magnus makes a little appreciative hum in the back of his throat, apparently content with how the wound is healing.

“Thanks,” Alec croaks into his cup, and he isn't sure whether he means the coffee or last night.

Magnus settles down in the overstuffed arm chair across the bed and Alec is simultaneously glad for Magnus giving him some space and sad that he’s all the way over there where Alec can't touch him, can't feel the reassurance of Magnus’ body pressed against his, warm and comforting. The gown falls open and even though Magnus’ skimpy underwear is hidden by his crossed legs, this leaves Alec with a nice view of Magnus’ smooth chest, shimmering almost golden in the early morning light.

Alec quickly lowers his gaze into his coffee cup before his boyfriend catches him staring the second time in a row and promptly chokes on the sip of coffee, burning his tongue in the process.

Boyfriend.

Alec has just thought of Magnus as his boyfriend for the first time and he'd really think this through if he weren't so busy coughing and spluttering, trying to clear his airway. Magnus the traitor simply frowns at him, having obviously classified Alec's outburst as non-life-threatening and consequently decided to just leave Alec to his little temper tantrum.

It takes a good minute before Alec has recovered. Magnus still doesn't say anything, and Alec would normally start praying for the ground to open up and swallow him but by now even Magnus has to have figured out that he's dating the least smooth Shadowhunter in all of Nephilim history. (Maybe he can get Clary to invent a rune for that.)

Alec has no idea why Magnus hasn't run for the hills yet. Clearly Magnus has horrible self-preservation instincts. He risks another glance at Magnus, who is draped effortlessly in his chair. His hair is artfully tousled, streaked with blue, dark eyes shining with silver make-up, looking perfectly composed this early in the morning.

“You look hot,” he blurts out because it's the truth and he has to say something. Magnus’ eyes widen a fraction in surprise at Alec's uncharacteristic forwardness, but then Alec can see the corner of Magnus’ mouth quirking up, making him look even hotter.

It's horribly unfair. 

Alec's sure he's sporting a bad case of bed head, his eyes feel gritty from too little sleep and his mouth tastes like something died in there last night. He desperately needs a shower and a toothbrush.

“You—” Magnus starts but Alec cuts him off.

“I need a shower.”

Magnus gets that glint in his eyes, smile growing positively wicked. “You want some company?”

Alec can feel the tips of his ears burning up at the suggestion. The thought of Magnus naked and glistening in the steamy shower has Alec's insides knotting together in anticipation, but at the same time there's a cold lump of dread in his stomach because shower means Alec would have to be naked too and… He's not ready for that yet.

What if Magnus takes one look at Alec's body and decides he doesn't like what he sees? How _could_ he like what he sees? Ever since Alec shot up in puberty, suddenly towering a head over everybody else's, limbs too long and lanky, he hasn’t felt quite comfortable in his own body anymore. It's always been a tool, a weapon to hone. Everybody knows tools are built to be useful. They aren't beautiful.

Alec is pasty white, chest littered with coarse dark hair, marked up with stark black runes and a litany of scars from runes and battle wounds alike. Unlike Magnus, there's nothing smooth or perfect about him.

Alec doesn't know how to tell Magnus all this, though, so instead he settles on, “you don't look like you need one.” 

Besides, it's true. Magnus looks fresh and ready to face another day. Wouldn't a shower ruin his makeup?

Magnus shrugs easily, ignoring Alec's objection to cut right to the heart of the matter. “It's okay to say no, love.” 

Alec's heart gives a little jump at the pet name. Magnus gracefully unfolds himself from his armchair, stepping over to lay a gentle hand on Alec's cheek. Alec raises his eyes, meeting Magnus’ gaze. 

“There are always two options. Yes or no. You just pick whichever one you're comfortable with, Alexander.” He presses a quick kiss to Alec's forehead. “Now you go clean up and I'll see what I can do about breakfast.”

Alec watches him go, feeling both grateful and disappointed. Grateful because Magnus seems to sense his reservations, leaving him the space to figure out what it is that Alec wants, and never judges him for it. Disappointed in himself because he just turned down the offer of having the High Warlock of Brooklyn wet and soapy in his arms and anybody who says no to that must be colossally stupid.

“Toothbrush is under the sink,” Magnus yells back, almost like an afterthought, and Alec sighs and gets his ass in gear.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was worried about you.” Isabelle kicks at his legs, forcing Alec to scuttle backwards. “You know you're supposed to call when you're out all night!”
> 
> “Sorry.” Alec twists so the next blow hits his shoulder instead of his face. He’d woken up to five missed calls and a dozen texts and had quickly shot a text back that he was fine, but by that time the damage had already been done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the delay! This pesky thing called real life came along and kicked my butt, which is why I haven't had time to update. Mea culpa. I am hopeful though that most of the real life drama is resolved by now and we can return to our regular scheduled updates. There is a lot more of Malec still to come, I promise.

“Alec!” Izzy exclaims as Alec is stepping out of the blinding New York sunshine into the gloom of the Institute, voice honey-sweet with razor-sharp steel underneath, “are you joining us for breakfast?”

She gives him one of her killer smiles that’s eerily reminiscent of a hunter who has just spotted his next prey. (That would be Alec.)

Alec shifts uncomfortably, evading her gaze. He'd been hoping to avoid a confrontation. “I already ate.” 

At Magnus’, is what he doesn't add, but the words hang between them unspoken.

“Fine,” Izzy says resolutely, linking arms with Alec, “then you can be my morning sparring partner.”

Fuck.

This doesn’t bode well for him. Izzy only corners him like this when she’s truly pissed. Alec groans inwardly but lets himself be dragged along. He knows from painful, personal experience that once Izzy has set her mind to something, resistance is futile. Better to get this over with quickly so he can get back to the things he's supposed to be doing.

~*~

“Where have you been?” Izzy asks, wasting no time to throw the first punch.

Alec easily sidesteps her. “You know where I've been.”

He doesn't like talking about Magnus, even to Izzy. This thing between Magnus and him still feels so raw and fragile, Alec constantly expects Magnus to finally come to his senses and leave him for someone who isn’t so comically out of Magnus’ league.

Alec's not ready yet to have it exposed to Izzy’s or Jace’s scrutiny when it hardly holds up under his own. He's always been a private person, preferring to hash things out with himself before opening up about it and Alec is still far away from figuring out what exactly this thing between Magnus and him even is.

“I was worried about you.” Isabelle kicks at his legs, forcing Alec to scuttle backwards. “You know you're supposed to call when you're out all night!”

“Sorry.” Alec twists so the next blow hits his shoulder instead of his face. He’d woken up to five missed calls and a dozen texts and had quickly shot a text back that he was fine, but by that time the damage had already been done. “I was too exhausted after that tentacle demon got me to—” 

He ducks Izzy's right hook and realizes his mistake a second too late when Izzy hooks a leg behind his foot and sends him sprawling to the mat. Ow.

“Tentacle demon?!” Izzy nearly screams, looming over him.

Alec shrugs helplessly. It really isn't a big deal, they kill demons all the time. By the Angel, it's their _job description_. He rolls and Isabelle’s foot hits the mattress where Alec's face was just a second ago.

What?! That had been way too close. If he'd been a split-second later she would've broken his nose. Fuck. She's truly pissed and Alec gets it. He’d be furious hearing about Isabelle getting hurt on a mission only half a day later, but that's no damn reason to literally try to take his head off.

Alec scrambles to his feet, using Izzy’s imbalance to come up behind her and take her into a headlock.

“I'm fine,” he breathes into her ear, tightening his grip as Izzy struggles to free herself. He normally wouldn't exploit his strength against her like this, but she's going to damn well listen to what he has to say. “It was just a cut. Magnus' loft was closest and I was too exhausted to make the trip back to the Institute. He took care of it.”

Izzy grunts and buries her elbow in his stomach, making him wheeze out a painful breath and lose his grip on her. She twists, spinning easily out of reach until they're circling each other, both breathing heavily from the exertion.

They're at a stalemate. Alec's sorry that he hadn't texted her last night, but Izzy has to accept that Magnus is a part of his life now and Alec won't apologize for that.

She shrugs a shoulder, having the decency to look at least a little bit contrite for having nearly taken Alec's head off. Alec nods, accepting her unspoken apology, and just like that they've reached a sort of truce.

“He's treating you alright?” Izzy asks and he can see the fierceness in her eyes, the protectiveness. Alec doesn't doubt she'd run right over there and try to beat up the most powerful warlock in New York if she even suspected Magnus wasn't treating Alec the way he deserved.

“Yeah, he… He's good,” Alec says softly, unable to hide the small smile spreading across his face. Even the thought of Magnus makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Good.” Izzy declares, moving in for another attack and they scramble for a moment, trading blows and blocking punches, each trying to win the upper hand. “Because if he does anything to hurt you, I'm gonna have his ass.”

Alec laughs at that, and Izzy promptly lands a punch in his kidneys. It hurts, although she's pulling her punches now, so it's bearable. He knows she's serious, deadly serious, but the thought of Izzy going all mama bear on Magnus’ ass is too funny.

In a way, it's Izzy's doing that he's together with Magnus. She had slowly escalated from wink wink nudge nudge to practically shoving Alec into Magnus' open arms, but at that time Alec had dismissed it as simply the most recent episode in Izzy's ongoing Project Getting Alec Laid. To see her accept Magnus as a fixed presence at Alec's side makes him feel almost giddy.

It's not unlike that time when he had told her he and Jace would become parabatai. She and Alec have always been so close, it had been tough for her to accept that there would be times Alec would go to Jace instead of her. Much like he went to Magnus last night. To know Izzy is cool with it feels liberating, like this huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders that he hadn't even noticed was there.

“It's my turn first,” he blurts out and they both freeze, staring at each other in shocked silence.

“Alec Lightwood!” Izzy finally exclaims in mock outrage, grin so wide it's threatening to split her face, “did you just give me sass? Oh, there's hope for you yet!”

She traps him into a headlock, giving him a noogie and Alec laughs and tries to escape.

They scramble around the room, proper training foregone in favor of tussling and then Jace appears, drawn near by their ruckus and launches himself head-first into the brawl. Soon enough they're a tangle of limbs, chaotic flailing and high-pitched squeaks.

Ever since Valentine had made his big move, unsuccessfully trying to steal the cup and revealing Hodge as a traitor in the process (a betrayal that still hasn't lost any of its sting), tensions have been running high. Nobody really trusts the peace, even though Clary had put the cup into another painting for safekeeping (even drawing up another decoy tarot card with the cup still in it) and Lydia had taken both the proper painting and the tarot card back to Idris. 

Everything should be fine right now. They beat Valentine just in time. The cup is safe, Jocelyn is awake, Jace hasn't been kidnapped (Alec doesn't even dare think about what might have been if they hadn't managed to rescue Jace) and Lydia and their parents are back in Idris. Everything is almost back to the way it was, but it feels different. 

There's Clary and Simon of course. And Jace and Clary are still tip-toeing around each other after the reveal that they are siblings. And Hodge is gone. And then of course Magnus and Alec have started dating.

Valentine may have gone into hiding for the time being, licking his wounds, but everyone knows it'll only be a matter of time until he resurfaces. Who knows what he'll have in store then. 

Right now, though, Alec’s got bigger things to worry about, like how he can pin Jace to the floor, trapping his hands to keep them from tickling Alec while Izzy is busy trying to steal his cellphone so she can snoop through his texts with Magnus.

Life’s a challenge. 

Alec prioritizes protecting his cellphone and ends up at Jace’s mercy. Who is a cruel human being, torturing Alec with his mean wiggly fingers in entirely inappropriate places. It doesn’t take Izzy long to switch tactics, joining forces with Jace until Alec is a helpless, flailing heap on the floor of the training room who has to say uncle once he can draw enough breath again to get the words out. He’s laughing so hard there are tears streaming down his face and his stomach hurts with every hiccupy breath.

You can’t win all the fights. The important thing is knowing which ones to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly just forgot that Jace had gone with Valentine in the finale. Woops! Guess I wasn't paying too close attention at that point. I'm pretty sure my brain was still busy running that Malec kiss on an endless loop inside my head. But really, Alec's got enough on his plate dealing with Magnus and feelings and life in general without having to cope with losing his parabatai as well. And since this story isn't about Valentine (I've warned you there will be no proper plot), let's just forget about him and focus on Malec instead.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acting purely on impulse, Alec digs out his phone and dials Magnus’ number. It beeps, once, twice, and just as Alec is about to lose his nerve and hang up the line connects.
> 
> “High Warlock of Brooklyn, summonings, spells, potions, procuration of magical artefacts, makeup consultations. What will it be today?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It appears I may have spoken too soon. Life's still got me by the balls. I'm sorry. But on the good news front, I've started writing again and this little monster just blazed by the 50k mark. So yeah, there is plenty more to come, once we've made it through the beta.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter. Things are finally heating up!

Later that evening, when Alec is lying alone in his bed, he thinks back to that morning, of Magnus standing in the doorway wearing only his skimpy pink panties. It’s a nice mental image. Very nice indeed. He wonders how it would've been to accept Magnus’ invitation to join Alec in the shower, getting to run his hands all over Magnus’ body, soaping him up, feeling the easy glide of skin on skin…

Acting purely on impulse, Alec digs out his phone and dials Magnus’ number. It beeps, once, twice, and just as Alec is about to lose his nerve and hang up the line connects.

“High Warlock of Brooklyn, summonings, spells, potions, procuration of magical artefacts, makeup consultations. What will it be today?”

“Uh, hi.” Alec’s suddenly unsure what to say. “It's, uh. It's Alec.”

“Hello Alexander,” Magnus says, voice going from business-like to silky soft in an instant. Alec's heart gives a little stutter.

“Everything alright?” Magnus inquires carefully after Alec doesn't say anything else.

“Uh, yeah, yeah. Everything's fine.” Alec wipes his hands on the duvet. “I was just thinking about you.”

Magnus makes this content little hum in the back of his throat and Alec can hear some shuffling, as if Magnus is making himself comfortable. 

“Thinking about anything in particular?” Magnus asks, and Alec is suddenly glad they're on the phone so Magnus can't see the blush creeping up his neck. 

Hearing Magnus’ voice over the phone, soft and deep right in his ear is somehow strangely intimate and yet it leaves Alec with none of his usual anxiety because Magnus isn’t actually in the same room with him, can’t see him fluster and bite his lip, unsure what to say next. He’s got the lights turned off and if Alec closes his eyes he can almost pretend they’re at Magnus’ apartment, lying next to each other on the bed.

“You. This morning.” Alec’s thoughts skim back to Magnus, looking delicious in his skimpy little outfit and he can feel the familiar twinge of arousal.

“I wouldn’t mind waking up next to you again,” Magnus drawls. Alec makes an undignified noise. He hadn’t thought before about Magnus sleeping in the same bed with him, waking up to see Alec drooling into his pillow.

“Did you watch me sleep?” Alec winces. That came out more panicked than he intended.

He can hear the grin in Magnus’ voice. “You looked like an angel. A very gorgeous one.” 

Alec feels hot all over. “It’s not polite to watch people sleep.”

“Then what else would you have me do with a sizzling hot Shadowhunter in my bed?” Magnus asks innocently and damn. Alec waffles once again, torn between feeling indignant and a tiny bit pleased at being called sizzling hot and gorgeous.

“We have done other things in your bed.” Somehow the distance of the phone gives Alec the confidence to say things he’d normally only think.

Magnus chuckles. “And here I thought I was showing great self-restraint, keeping my hands to myself.”

It gives Alec the image of Magnus keeping his hands very literally to himself, touching his own body. Alec’s pants suddenly feel three sizes too small. “Maybe I don’t want you to.”

“Indeed.” Magnus’ voice seems to drop another octave. “What would you want me to do then?”

“Everything,” Alec answers before thinking and is surprised to find it’s true. He does want to do all kinds of stuff with Magnus. Eventually.

“You want me to kiss you?” Magnus asks and Alec nods, heedless that Magnus can’t see him through the phone. “You want me to claim you with my mouth, trail kisses down your neck, mark you up until everybody knows that you belong to me?”

Alec groans, reaching down to adjust himself in his pants. His cock is fully hard by now, straining against his zipper and he presses his heel down, trying to take the edge of. Magnus must know what kind of effect his words are having on Alec because he continues, voice deep and incredibly intimate.

“You want me to trail my hands over your body? Slide my hands over your chest and abs, lifting up your shirt so I can lick away the sweat, suck on your nipples until they're hard and puckered?”

Almost involuntarily Alec's hands take the path Magnus describes, lifting up his shirt to take his nipples into his hands, tweaking them between his fingers and imagining it's Magnus’ mouth on him.

Fuck.

Alec isn’t sure whether it’s Magnus’ voice in his ear or the memory of that one time Magnus had spent what felt like half an hour lavishing Alec’s nipples with attention, exploring them with lips and tongue and teeth, showing Alec just how sensitive they could be… Okay, now it’s definitely the thought of that last time that’s making Alec bite his lips. He’s barely even touched himself and he’s already quivering.

Everything feels so intense, the lust and arousal spiked with the sharp edge that he’s not alone. Magnus is right there with him, painting such a vivid picture with just a couple of words. Alec has jerked off to thoughts of Magnus before, but hearing Magnus say those things, knowing that Alec isn’t the only one thinking about them, that Magnus wants it too… it’s so much _more_ somehow, sweeter and hotter and just better. Much better than when it’s just Alec.

And Alec wants more.

“Magnus…” Alec groans, his whole body feeling hot and flushed, “I want…” He breaks off, breathing raggedly, unsure how to ask for more.

“Yeah babe?” Magnus’ voice has taken on a gravelly edge and Alec is reassured to know he isn't the only one affected by their conversation. “Tell me where you want my hands.” 

Alec wants to touch himself, needs to touch himself so badly, but he wants to imagine it's Magnus’ hands on his body instead of his own, so he waits. Waits for Magnus to tell him what to do so he can pretend it’s Magnus’ hands and not his own. “Lower…”

Magnus groans and the sound sends shivers down Alec's spine, making his whole body tingle. He can hear more rustling on the other end of the line.

“You still got your pants on?” Magnus asks.

“Yeah.” Alec’s desperate to get out of them, though.

“Open them,” Magnus instructs. “Imagine it's my fingers sliding down your zipper, slowly, so you can feel every teeth giving way.”

Alec does as he’s told, as slow as he can stand, and it's sweet torture. He can't help the moan escaping his lips when the last tooth gives way.

“Okay.” His cock is already dripping precum, staining his boxershorts and Alec desperately wants to touch himself, but he waits for Magnus’ instructions. There's something exhilarating about giving himself over to Magnus like this, that Alec's pleasure is Magnus' to give.

“Slide your palm over your cock, just enough to feel its outline beneath your shorts, straining for my touch.”

Alec lets out a little whimper. He's way past caring how he sounds at this point. His whole body feels as if it's on fire, craving Magnus’ touch, his cock weeping for release. In a way, this is familiar territory, Alec has jerked off plenty of times before, and at the same time it's new and exciting because he's sharing this with Magnus. 

It doesn't take much effort to imagine Magnus there with him, hearing his voice low and sultry in his ear, and at the same time Alec is safe in the knowledge that he doesn't have to worry about Magnus looking at him. He can just give himself over to this fantasy.

“God, Alec, you're so beautiful.” Magnus sounds almost reverent. “I want to do so many things with you. Make you feel so good if only you’ll let me,” he promises and right now Alec would let Magnus do anything to him.

“Can I…?” Alec takes a shuddering breath, the need to touch himself overwhelming.

“Yes,” Magnus breathes. “Go on, touch yourself. Wrap your hand around that beautiful cock of yours.”

“Fuck.” Alec nearly chokes out a sob as his fingers close around his dick, giving it a little tug.

“Stroke yourself,” Magnus instructs and Alec can hear sounds on the other end of the line that suggest Magnus is doing the same. The picture of Magnus on the phone, jerking off to the sound of Alec's moans and whimpers is almost enough to short-circuit his brain.

“Just like that, baby. Take it slow.” Magnus keeps talking, encouragements and instructions broken by breathy little gasps and these sweet little noises that have Alec responding in kind. It’s hot and intimate and Alec’s fingers ache with the need to touch Magnus instead of himself, the distance between them almost unbearable.

Magnus seems to feel the same way. “Fuck, Alec, I want you so badly. Want to feel you, hot and heavy in my hand. Have you writhing underneath me, until every fibre in your body is straining for release. Drive you crazy with desire until you’re helpless to do anything but succumb to the pleasure.”

Yes. Fuck, yes.

Alec bites his lip to keep that embarrassingly loud groan inside that’s sitting right there in his throat, threatening to burst free. He can’t have anybody else hear him. Just Magnus. He wants Magnus to hear him. Show him how good Magnus is making him feel, but his tongue isn’t quite cooperating. “Magnus. You—. Need—.”

Alec breaks off, body wrecked by another shudder as he drags his fingers up his cock, thumb catching on the ridge beneath his head. His cock demands more friction, faster, stronger, yearning for release, but Alec tries to hold back. He doesn’t want this to end. Not yet.

“I’m here, Alec.” Magnus says, “Right there with you. I’d love to kiss you right now, steal that breath right from your lips, drive you to the sweetest highs.”

Alec screws his eyes shut, focusing only on Magnus’ voice in his ear. It’s like Magnus’ words are filled with magic, every one of them sending a jolt down his spine, sizzling over Alec’s skin. Maybe they actually are.

“Oh, the things I have in mind to coax those precious sounds from your lips.” Magnus’ voice sounds increasingly breathless, taking on an almost gravelly quality and it’s so fucking hot. Hearing him say all those things Alec never even dared dream about. “I can’t wait to do them with you, hear your voice break as you’re begging me for release because it’s too much, too good. No need to hold back, darling, you can be as loud as you want.”

Alec does make a noise then, somewhere between a whine and a sob, but he’s too far gone to care. He feels like he’s burning up from the inside. Jerking off has never felt quite like this. His whole body is tense, muscles coiled tightly enough they’re quivering. It feels like his lungs are too small to drag in enough air, chest heaving with breaths as his grip grows nearly painful. He needs to come so badly, but he doesn’t want to, tries to drag this out because he knows once he does it will all be over.

And yet he can’t stop himself. His hand is moving out of its own accord now, dragging over the head, smearing precum everywhere.

On the other end of the line, Alec can hear Magnus’ frantic breathing, broken by little gasps and moans. It’s sexy. Hot. And Alec still can’t quite believe that gorgeous Magnus Bane is getting off right now thinking about Alec. Thoughts that he has no qualms sharing.

“Let me hear you, babe. If I can’t touch you right now, feel your hot skin against mine, lick that salty taste off your body, see the pleasure on your beautiful face, at least let me hear you.”

No. Yes. Fuck.

“Magnus, I'm—ah. Close.” Alec chokes out and Magnus cheers him on.

“Yes, do it. Come for me, Alexander.” 

It’s all too much. Hearing his own name on Magnus’ lips, like it's something dirty and delicious, sends him over the edge.

Alec comes with a barely muffled scream, spilling hot and heavy into his hand. He can hear Magnus groan, long and drawn out, and then all they’re sharing is their labored breaths, slowly coming back down from their high.

Alec makes a face, wiping his sticky hand on his boxershorts.

“By the Angel,” Magnus says, sounding stunned, “you have no idea what you are doing to me, Alexander Lightwood.”

Alec smiles, feeling rather pleased with himself. He just came practically in his pants with his boyfriend on the phone and Alec’s way too tired and sated to feel embarrassed about it. That was pretty incredible. The strange restlessness he's felt since this morning has been replaced by a warm glow, making his limbs pleasantly heavy.

He yawns, suddenly tired, and then has a brief panic whether Magnus will be offended, but Magnus just chuckles. “Did I wear you out, love?”

“Hmm,” Alec agrees, happy and content, and then, because he wishes Magnus were here right now so he could snuggle up, he mumbles a small “miss you.”

“I would have liked nothing better than to be there just now,” Magnus sighs. “Alas, you have perfect timing, dear. My next client is due in ten minutes.”

Alec knew Magnus was busy tonight, Magnus had told him as much over breakfast, and Alec quickly silences the part of himself that wants to ask Magnus to drop everything and portal over here to indulge Alec. 

“You free tomorrow?” he asks instead. Sometimes Alec really resents being the responsible one.

“Nothing I can’t reschedule. Say eight o’clock at my place?”

“You cooking?” Alec smirks. Since their disastrous first date they have found Alec’s more comfortable eating in, staying at Magnus’ place where it’s just the two of them. It takes some of the pressure off, allowing Alec to relax and enjoy himself. 

It had taken Alec less than five minutes to figure out Magnus’ interpretation of cooking involves magically transposing food directly from some restaurant kitchen or other onto his table. Magnus insists he’s paying for it later. Alec has his doubts.

Magnus snorts. “Italian?”

“Sure,” Alec agrees easily. Magnus usually chooses the little pizzeria that’s right around the corner and their osso bucco is to die for.

He can hear the chime of Magnus’ doorbell in the background.

“And that would be my ten o’clock turning up six minutes early,” Magnus grumbles. He hates clients showing up early. Alec empathizes. Right now he hates anybody intruding on his time with Magnus. With a passion.

“You have my permission to hex them a wart onto their backside.” That earns him a real laugh. 

“I’ll you see tomorrow, darling,” Magnus says and then the line goes dead.

 

Alec spends the next five minutes stupidly staring at his phone, unable to wipe the smile from his face. He can’t wait for tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sorry I’m early,” Alec says as Magnus presses a chaste welcome kiss to his mouth, “please don’t hex any warts on me.”
> 
> “You, my dear, are the only one allowed to come early,” Magnus says, bopping Alec on the nose. “Or late. In fact, you may come whenever you want to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the unintended hiatus guys. Mea culpa. Instead of quieting down as hoped, life just got more crazy, and then summer came along and vacations and before I knew it it's winter and the year is almost over. I promise I haven't abandoned this story. My betas are hard at work, whipping everything into shape and I hope we're back on the wagon now.
> 
> Can I interest you in some mood music? <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMnulNC-3HM>

When Magnus buzzes him up at five to eight, Alec takes the stairs two at a time. The door to Magnus’ loft is standing slightly ajar and Alec enters, closing it behind him with a soft click. Magnus is nowhere to be seen, rummaging around somewhere deeper in the apartment from the sounds of it, and Alec leans back against the door, taking in the scene.

Magnus’ loft is alight with the soft glow of what must be hundreds of candles. They are stacked on every available surface in little clusters of varying heights, blurring the stark lines, making everything seem softer somehow. The table is already fully laid out, piled high with plates and bowls and more candles, and Alec stares, mesmerized by the flickering of the tiny flames, only to be startled out of his reverie when Magnus appears in the doorway.

He’s simply styled today, wearing a black shirt that’s made out of some sheer fabric topped with a suede fringe around the shoulders, and tight red leather pants that hug his ass spectacularly. His hair isn’t quite as rigorously styled up as usual, falling softly to the side, magenta tips swinging with his steps and Alec has to suppress the urge to card his fingers through it. Magnus is wearing his usual potpourri of rings and necklaces, eyes surrounded by black eyeshadow. To complete the look, his nails are painted a deep red, matching his pants. He looks absolutely breathtaking.

“Sorry I’m early,” Alec says as Magnus presses a chaste welcome kiss to his mouth, “please don’t hex any warts on me.”

“You, my dear, are the only one allowed to come early,” Magnus says, bopping Alec on the nose. “Or late. In fact, you may come whenever you want to.”

Alec narrows his eyes. There’s something in the way Magnus said those words, almost seductively, that… _oh_. Right. Alec flushes as he finally cottons on to the double-entendre, embarrassingly late. His thoughts inadvertently flit back to last night and he can feel his face growing even hotter. He hasn’t been able to think about anything else all day. 

Magnus beams, pleased at the effect his words have on Alec and uses one hand in the small of Alec’s back to steer him towards the table.

“Dinner first,” Magnus says, as if Alec had proposed to strip down and have sex right there at the door when Alec hasn't even said a word, and while the thought may have crossed his mind, _very briefly_ —yeah, okay, so maybe Magnus knows him a little better than Alec would like to admit.

“It looks delicious,” Alec says, staring very pointedly at Magnus instead of at the food. He may be new at this game, but Alec has always been a fast learner.

Magnus smiles at him and his eyes are shining with something that almost looks like pride. Or maybe that's just all the candles. “Wait till you see dessert.”

He walks to the wine cabinet, bending over to choose a bottle and treating Alec to a very nice view in the process. Alec’s mouth goes instantly dry. Dessert. Oh boy. Suddenly, he feels way too warm. There’s sweat trickling down his spine and Alec plucks at his shirt collar, trying to get some air. “Is it me or is it hot in here?”

The moment he hears himself say those words, he realizes his mistake. By then, of course, it’s far too late. Magnus turns around, face twitching in little spasms with the effort to contain himself and Alec just plants his forehead on the table, resigned to his fate. Somehow, this is the last straw and Magnus starts laughing out loud, a full belly laugh that’s almost verging on hysterical and it’s apparently infectious because Alec can’t help but laugh a little himself.

He hears a thump and glances over to see Magnus has collapsed onto the floor, still shaking with laughter. There are tears streaming down his face and somethings tugs at Alec’s heart because while he’s seen Magnus exhausted or horny, underneath all that Magnus has always retained his composure. 

Now, though. Alec’s never seen him this… unguarded. It’s like a whole layer has been stripped away, the tough, outer facade cracked open and when Magnus looks at him, smiling broadly, this thousand watt smile that’s threatening to split his face, no holds barred, there’s something else in that look that makes Alec’s chest feel too tight.

He gets up and walks over to where Magnus is sitting on the floor, shoulders still shaking with the occasional chuckle.

“You about done?” Alec asks, but there’s no heat behind it. 

He offers his hand to Magnus, who takes it willingly, letting himself be dragged back up by Alec. It looks like Alec’s pride hasn’t been the only casualty of this ordeal. Magnus’ makeup is horribly smeared and there are dark tracks down his cheeks. Alec wipes at one with his thumb, but only ends up smearing it further.

Magnus lowers his gaze, looking suddenly almost shy. “I better get cleaned up. Excuse me for a second, would you.”

And just like that he’s gone, leaving Alec standing there. Alec isn’t quite sure what just happened. He feels like he should have said something, but he’s got no idea what. Did he do something wrong? He looks at the bedroom door Magnus disappeared into, but it holds no answers.

The bottle of wine Magnus had picked out is sitting on the floor where Magnus had the good sense to set it down before he collapsed, and Alec picks it up. The label claims it’s a 2000 Barolo. Not that this means anything to Alec. All he can tell is that it’s a red wine from what looks like Italy. Usually Magnus just uses magic to open the bottle, but since he’s not here right now Alec takes the bottle over to the kitchen, rummaging around the drawers to see if he can scrounge up a bottle opener. 

He lucks out in the third drawer and then spends a good five minutes fighting with the opener. In the end he emerges victorious, cork in hand, but it was a close call.

There’s an oddly shaped glass bottle on the wine cabinet, with a low, wide belly and thin neck, that Magnus uses to serve the wines and Alec goes to pour the wine in that. He’s just sucking on the scrape on his knuckles (battle wounds from his fight with the corkscrew) when he hears the bedroom door open and close. 

A moment later Magnus is rounding the corner and Alec freezes, hand in mouth. He had expected Magnus to touch up his makeup, but instead Magnus has simply taken it all off. It’s the first time Alec’s seen him without his makeup and it’s… Alec’s at a loss for words.

They stare at each other in silence, Alec frozen in place and Magnus looking at him with what appears to be nonchalance, but it lacks conviction. Alec’s heart constricts painfully in his chest. Magnus looks vulnerable, younger somehow, and Alec is suddenly overwhelmed with too many feelings he can’t quite put a name to. 

He crosses the distance between them with two quick steps, sealing Magnus’ lips with a kiss. Alec has no idea how to put any of what he’s feeling right now into words, but maybe he can show him. How much Magnus means to him. How much he craves to be close to him. If it were up to Alec, he would never let him go again. 

Magnus feels stiff in his arms, muscles cramped tight and Alec simply kisses him deeper until he can feel Magnus give in with a small sigh, resistance melting away until he’s soft and pliable in Alec’s arms. Alec cradles him close, hands resting in the small of Magnus’ back, not willing to leave one inch of unnecessary space between them. Magnus’ hands come up to Alec’s shoulders, digging in and it’s almost like Magnus is clinging to him, as if he’s drowning and Alec is his rock and all Alec can think is _I’ve got you_.

Just when Alec feels like he’s got a handle on the situation, Magnus keeps surprising him. Alec had just started to gain his confidence, feeling bold enough to flirt back, and then Magnus went and showed him this entirely different side of him, open and vulnerable and Alec wants to cradle this gift close and protect it with all his power.

Despite their previous teasing this kiss stays almost chaste, their usual heat replaced with a careful kind of tenderness. When they part, they hardly part at all, heads still pressed close together. Neither of them is out of breath like they normally are. Instead, Alec can feel this strange kind of giddiness bubbling up inside him. He smiles, cheek pressed close enough to Magnus’ that he can feel the answering smile on his face.

“Hey,” he says, quietly, almost a whisper.

“Hey,” Magnus whispers back.

“You look beautiful,” Alec says, because he wants Magnus to know. Because even if Alec might not always believe Magnus when he’s calling Alec hot or gorgeous or pretty, hearing Magnus say it means he might someday believe it. And he wants Magnus to believe that, makeup or no makeup, Alec has never seen anyone more beautiful than him.

Magnus pulls back a little, just far enough to look Alec in the eyes and Alec holds his gaze, open and honest. He has no idea what Magnus sees in Alec’s eyes, but it seems to appease him, because just like that Magnus is back to his usual dazzling self, no less sparkly without the glitter around his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deleted scene:
> 
> _Magnus spends three minutes of the time he’s gone actually removing his makeup, wiping at his eyes until there’s no more trace of color on the wet towel. Magnus then spends the next six minutes pacing up and down the room, debating with himself whether to step out like this or put his makeup back on. He may be 400 years old and he's still nervous about letting a twenty year old kid see him without his makeup._
> 
> _It takes him way too long to work up his courage to step out of that bedroom door. He feels naked somehow, in a way he never feels when he is actually, physically naked. In the end it's the thought of Alec, sitting alone in the kitchen wondering where Magnus has disappeared to that sends him out the door. Better to get this over with._
> 
> _It strikes Magnus that so far, most of his lovers have only seen him without his makeup after spending at least the night with him. But then most of them had never worked up to their first orgasm over phone (granted, the majority of them didn't even know what a phone was, times being as they were), letting Magnus talk dirty to them, coaxing them to orgasm with just his voice when he's never actually touched them before._
> 
> _Somehow, with Alec, the order is all wrong and yet it feels right. Magnus idly wonders whether he's been doing it wrong all this time. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. He takes a deep breath and steps back into the living room, facing Alec._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s getting kind of late,” Magnus remarks.
> 
> “Hmm.” Alec gets up from his chair to walk over to where Magnus is sitting. Magnus pushes away from the table, intending to get up, but Alec stops him with a hand on his shoulder and straddles Magnus and the chair, effectively sitting in Magnus’ lap. 
> 
> Magnus raises an eyebrow and wraps his arms around Alec’s middle, keeping him from sliding off. Alec leans his arms on the back of Magnus’ chair, crossing his hands behind Magnus’ neck. 
> 
> He knows this confidence is at least partly fueled by the wine, but he finds he doesn’t care. “I believe you said something about dessert?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned to post this chapter just in time for Christmas, but I asked one of my betas to take a final look and she got kind of busy, and then she nitpicked a couple of things and I somehow ended up writing an additional 1,000 words for this chapter so... whoops? I hope the wait was worth it.
> 
> Happy Holidays everyone. This fic is finally starting to live up to its rating. ;)

By the time they sit down for dinner, the food has gone cold, but at least the wine’s had time to breathe. Magnus rolls his eyes and snaps his fingers, and Alec is delighted to find that warmed-up pizza by warlock powers is not even half as soggy as microwaved. 

They tuck in and Alec’s surprised he’s actually worked up quite an appetite. Somehow this emotional rollercoaster has left him famished. 

The conversation over dinner is easy and light-hearted. They catch each other up on their days, though Alec pointedly leaves out the story of how he’d been so distracted at breakfast, thinking about last night, that he’d spilled his coffee all over Clary’s scrambled eggs. (It had been easier to let everybody think he was pettily doing it on purpose than admit the real reason.)

Or the story of how he’d picked up a folder with their latest intel report and five paces later ran straight into the nearest desk because he’d been more concerned with fantasizing about tonight than looking where he was going. He’d bit his tongue, ignoring the bruising pain in his hip and the incredulous stares from the others, and kept going.

He’d wisely refrained from any weapons training after that, getting rid of his excess energy by a rigorous calisthenics workout instead. It had helped a little, but sitting here with Magnus over good food and wine, record player unobtrusively playing some songs with a saxophone and a deep baritone singer that sound like they’re a good couple decades older than Alec, he can feel the nervous energy return.

“Turned out it was a false alarm, just a cat that…” Alec watches as Magnus eats a shrimp dipped in lemon-garlic sauce and then catches a stray drop of sauce with his finger, wiping it from his chin. Magnus seems to sense Alec’s stare because his eyes flick up to meet Alec’s just as he’s sucking the sauce from his finger and his lips curl into a lascivious smile. Around his finger. The sudden jolt of desire hits Alec like a punch in the gut. Magnus’ eyes sparkle in the candlelight and Alec can’t tear his eyes away even as he feels the blush creep up his face.

“A cat, that, uhm. That.” Alec tries to pick up his last thought but fails. He’s got no idea what he’s been about to say anymore.

“A cat that sounded like the skuceni demon you had been looking for?” Magnus prompts sweetly. He looks entirely too pleased by the effect he’s having on Alec.

“Right.” Alec would feel like an idiot but Magnus’ feet find his under the table, gently nudging against Alec’s in a way that conveys Magnus is just teasing him. Alec presses back, trapping Magnus’ foot between his and Magnus smiles at having been captured. Alec smiles back.

Magnus tells him about his client from last night, a horrible, shrewd old lady whose early arrival was just the first in a long list of grievances Magnus has against her, and Alec is just a tiny bit disappointed that Magnus did not end up hexing her with warts or anything else.

Alec pushes his plate away and takes another sip of the wine. It tastes interesting, somehow much more full or complex (or something) than the other wines he’s had, at the same time fruity and heavy. It’s not as astringent as red wines sometimes are, making Alec’s tongue feel as if his tastebuds are actively shying away from the taste. Alec finds he kind of likes it. 

He also finds it goes straight to his head. He's not drunk, not by any stretch of the definition (Alec's been drunk—properly drunk—that one time Jace had procured a bottle of Tequila from Raziel knows where, so Alec knows what that feels like), but he's got a pleasant buzz going that is just enough to make him be a little bolder, worry a bit less.

“It’s getting kind of late,” Magnus remarks and Alec looks around. With the loft being bathed in the soft, flickering glow of candlelight, he’s completely lost track of time, but he can see that the candles have burned down quite a bit since he arrived. The shortest ones have already burned out, leaving only small pools of melted wax behind.

“Hmm.” Alec gets up from his chair to walk over to where Magnus is sitting. Magnus pushes away from the table, intending to get up, but Alec stops him with a hand on his shoulder and straddles Magnus and the chair, effectively sitting in Magnus’ lap. 

Magnus raises an eyebrow and wraps his arms around Alec’s middle, keeping him from sliding off. Alec leans his arms on the back of Magnus’ chair, crossing his hands behind Magnus’ neck. 

He knows this confidence is at least partly fueled by the wine, but he finds he doesn’t care. “I believe you said something about dessert?”

Magnus’ eyes take on a glint that usually means he’s got an idea or two. “Not to be a spoilsport here, but don’t you have to get back?” 

So far, every time they’ve spent the evening together Alec had to be back at the Institute by midnight.

“Yeah, I do,” Alec agrees. He can see the spark leave Magnus’ eyes, even if Magnus’ face remains otherwise open and friendly. Alec is learning to read him better, see the little signs that let him see behind Magnus’ stoic features, so he watches Magnus’ face intently as he adds, “tomorrow morning.”

He can practically watch Magnus take in the words, decipher their meaning and just like that the spark is back again. Alec grins, shy and giddy at the same time.

He’s let Izzy know before heading out tonight not to expect him back before their morning briefing. Magnus’ phone call last night might have had something to do with that decision. Alec hadn’t been able to think about anything else all day, pants growing uncomfortably tight whenever he let his mind wander for just a second. Hence the, ahem, accidents.

Hearing Magnus’ voice in his ear, low and intimate, hearing his desire for Alec as he coaxed him through this mind-blowing orgasm has awakened something in Alec. He’s been curious for a while, but so far they’ve always stopped their makeout sessions before things could become too heated, go too far.

Alec doesn’t want to wait anymore. Just the idea of hearing Magnus, not over the phone but in person, getting so see him while he writhes and moans, feeling his hands on Alec’s body…

There’s a tight knot of anticipation and arousal in Alec’s stomach that just keeps winding up tighter and tighter. Alec almost feels like he’ll explode if he doesn’t act on it soon.

When he’d told Izzy he’d be staying out Izzy had looked at him for a long second, searching Alec’s face. Alec has no idea what she had seen on there, but then her eyebrow arched up and she had smiled at him, simultaneously smug, proud and silent encouragement, and had very obviously bit her tongue to refrain from any other comments.

“That is, if you have some spare space in your bed,” Alec adds, and yes, this boldness is definitely the Barolo talking.

“Do I—” Magnus starts and then makes Alec yelp in surprise as he suddenly stands up, easily lifting Alec with him. Alec laughs and wraps his legs around Magnus, letting himself be carried off to the bedroom like some kind of trophy.

Magnus practically throws Alec onto the bed, making him bounce on the mattress and then he’s right on top of Alec, trapping him there with hands and legs on either side of Alec’s body.

“I hope you know you’re not getting out of this bed until I’m through with you,” Magnus growls, uncharacteristically assertive, and it sends a hot spark down Alec’s spine that has other body parts of him perking up with definite interest.

By the Angel, it’s finally happening.

There’s a short moment of panic, thoughts jumbling through Alec’s head ( _I can’t believe we’re actually going through with this—fucking finally—I have no idea what I’m doing—it’s gonna be awesome—what if I fuck it up_ ), but then Magnus kisses him, properly, deeply, with lots of tongue and even some teeth involved, and Alec shoves these thoughts aside and lets himself be dragged along for the ride.

Jerking off last night has done nothing to ease the tension in Alec. It’s like his whole body is thrumming with anticipation. His thoughts keep wandering back to last night, to Magnus’ voice low in his ear, telling him all kinds of naughty things and Alec wants nothing more than to have Magnus do everything he’s promised.

The sheer fabric of Magnus’ shirt feels surprisingly cold under Alec’s touch, but quickly warms up with Magnus’ body heat. Alec lets his hand trail over Magnus’ back and shoulders, tracing the hard planes of muscles. 

This is familiar territory, they have done this before. This part is easy.

Magnus kisses a trail from Alec’s mouth down his neck, making Alec shiver when Magnus’ breath ghosts over the wet skin. He’s propped up on his elbows and knees, caging Alec in but there’s still over a handspan between them. Entirely too much space for Alec’s liking. He clings to Magnus, surging up to meet him.

Alec wants to feel Magnus’ weight on top of him, be pinned to the mattress in the most delicious way, but Magnus has other plans. He traces Alec’s deflect rune with his tongue, lapping at the Z shape on Alec’s neck, and Alec falls back onto the mattress with a soft curse.

It’s not fair.

Magnus knows that Alec’s runes are super sensitive, almost like a switch that’s wired directly to his dick, leaving him in a helpless little heap, unable to control the whimpers. Alec shudders as the pleasure rips through him and bares his neck to give Magnus better access.

It’s like the countless times before when they’ve made out. They even did this in Magnus’ bed already and yet it’s different because this time Alec wants more. This time there’s no clock breathing down their neck. They have all night if they want to. 

The thought of endless hours with Magnus stretched out before them, to do with as they please, makes the spiral of anticipation curl even tighter in Alec’s stomach. They have all the time in the world, and yet suddenly Alec can’t wait to feel Magnus’ skin against his own.

He slides his hands into Magnus’ pants, which are impossibly tight so it’s quite a squeeze. It doesn’t leave Alec a lot of wiggle room and there’s still the shirt between his fingers and Magnus’ skin, but he can just barely feel the dip between the cheeks, the firm round curves of Magnus’ ass and fuck, Alec wants to get his hands on that.

Later.

Even Alec knows there’s a certain order to these things and that means shirt first, pants later. He wiggles his fingers a little more and finally succeeds in pulling Magnus’ shirt free. It feels like a triumph.

This little exploratory journey down Magnus’ pants has also confirmed a sneaking suspicion of Alec's. 

Magnus Bane is not wearing any underwear.

And that… that's a fact Alec will have to think about some other time if he doesn't want this to end prematurely.

Alec slides his hands under the newly freed shirt. The feeling of Magnus’ skin beneath his fingertips, soft and smooth, is as electrifying as the last time he’s done this. He can feel the tingling all the way up to his elbows and then Magnus finally presses his whole body closer, closing the gap between them and Alec can feel the tingling all the way to his toes.

Magnus’ mouth makes its way slowly over to Alec’s ear and Alec turns his head to give him better access. 

“Tell me what you want, angel,” Magnus demands and Alec shuts his eyes, because this had been hard enough on the phone.

“You,” he says, and he means it. 

He wants Magnus whichever way he can get him, but he knows this isn’t the answer Magnus is looking for. Alec bites his lips, trying to find the words to articulate this need inside him for Magnus to touch him. He wants to feel Magnus’ hands on his skin, stroking him, gripping him tight, holding him close. Wants to come undone by those clever, long fingers.

Alec opens his eyes, watching Magnus’ hands stroke long stripes up and down his side, as far down his legs as Magnus can reach and back up again. 

“Your hands,” he says, because he wants to see Magnus’ hands, fingernails blood red against Alec’s pale skin, wants to feel their touch, wants Magnus to take him, claim him, make Alec his.

Magnus seems satisfied with that answer. “You just lie back and enjoy. Your only task is to tell me if you want me to slow down. Can you do that?”

Alec nods, not really trusting his voice right now. He’s pretty sure he won’t want Magnus to slow down. Right now he really wants him to speed this up. His t-shirt feels hot and sticky and he’d really like to get out of it.

Suddenly all of Alec’s clothes feel superfluous, like he can’t remember why he ever wore any in the first place. He shifts impatiently, simultaneously trying to get Magnus’ shirt buttons open and shrug out of his own t-shirt. In the end all he accomplishes is some uncoordinated flailing.

Magnus seems to get the hint because he lifts up Alec’s t-shirt, pushing it up to his shoulders and Alec manages to leave off Magnus long enough to fully pull it over his head, flinging it somewhere into the depths of Magnus’ bedroom. This only leaves him with Magnus’ shirt to get rid of. 

Meanwhile Magnus makes good use of his newly acquired territory by exploring Alec's chest with his lips and tongue, effectively distracting Alec from accomplishing his goal of getting them both naked. It just ramps up Alec even more, Magnus’ lips on his collarbone sending hot sparks down his body that just intensify the need to get Magnus naked.

Those stupid buttons prove stupidly stubborn for Alec's fingers, refusing to give way and Alec is making nowhere near enough progress for his liking. He manages to unbutton the top two before giving up in frustration. He growls instead, tugging at Magnus’ shirt (but careful not to tear it) and Magnus chuckles.

“Patience, young padawan.”

Alec has no idea what a padawan is supposed to be, but he knows that patience is most definitely not his strong suit right now.

“Magnus,” he whines, and then, because he’s not above a little manipulation, he hooks his leg over Magnus’ and grinds their groins together. Magnus gives the expected shudder, groaning softly, and Alec grins in triumph and goes a little cross-eyed himself.

“Shirt off. Now,” he demands and Magnus ( _finally!_ ) complies.

Alec roams his hands over Magnus’ body greedily, trying to touch everything at once, making sure to leave no ridge and valley unexplored. Magnus gasps softly as Alec lets his fingers ghost down Magnus’ side, shying away from the touch, and Alec stores away this little tidbit of information. Who knew the High Warlock of Brooklyn was ticklish?

Magnus has started kissing his way from Alec's sternum down to his navel, slowly sliding down the bed. It leaves Alec with less and less of Magnus to touch until he has to settle for burying his fingers in Magnus’ hair, ruining whatever's left of Magnus’ styling. 

Magnus dips his tongue into Alec's belly button, earning a rather undignified squeak for his troubles and then Alec can feel fingers at the waistband of his jeans, tugging them lower. He tenses for a second, toes curling with nervous energy, but then Magnus is actually mouthing at Alec through his jeans, breath hot and heavy even through the layers of clothing and Alec can suddenly not get out of his pants quickly enough. Just the thought of getting to feel Magnus’ breath on his bare skin, right there… by the Angel, it’s too much. Alec barely manages to suppress the whimper.

Okay. He needs to calm down. They haven’t even done anything unusual yet. 

Alec rakes a hand through his hair and takes a couple of deep breaths, or he tries to, anyway. They come out more as shaky gasps.

Magnus’ voice drifts up from below him, piercing through the fog in Alec’s head. “Timeout?”

He’s still poised just above Alec’s hips, but he’s moved up a couple of inches, idly mouthing at the curve of Alec’s hipbone where it juts out from his jeans. Magnus looks expectantly at Alec.

His face is free of any makeup, making his eyes… softer, somehow. Alec loves Magnus in makeup, but sometimes he is so pretty, it’s almost intimidating. Not today. Right now, Magnus’ hair is mussed up from when Alec buried his fingers in it, his lips slightly red from their kissing, and Alec can see a slight sheen of sweat glistening on his temples. He looks anything but perfect right now, which is to say he looks more perfect than ever. It just adds to the beauty instead of distracting from it.

Something blooms in Alec’s chest, warm and fuzzy, calming him down while at the same time his stomach draws taut with desire. Alec wants Magnus. He wants Magnus so badly.

Besides, if they stop now, Alec might not be able to work up the nerve to try again.

“No,” he says. It comes out more as a croak. Alec swallows, trying to dislodge the frog in this throat. “No, keep… keep going.”

Magnus holds his gaze for a moment longer, as if to make sure that Alec really means it, but then nods in acquiescence and presses a quick kiss to Alec’s belly. 

On the contrary to Alec, Magnus has no troubles with the button on Alec's jeans. It gives way with a slight pop. Alec can't help the surprised little gasp leaving his mouth which quickly turns into a groan as Magnus’ fingers make short process with the zipper and then his hands are right there, where Alec's straining the most to be touched. It feels like his whole body has become one giant cluster of nerves, all firing at the same time, and Alec's lap is the epicentre of it.

Magnus’ fingers are skimming the top of Alec's boxers and Alec is nearly quivering, nervous and excited and so fucking horny. He almost feels like he did when he got his first rune. He’d been looking forward to that day for so long, that when it finally arrived he’d been a bundle of nerves, squirming on his seat through the whole ceremony, unable to sit still, too many conflicting emotions pulling him in different directions. He’d been so proud and happy to finally become a real Shadowhunter, and a tiny bit scared, because he hadn’t known what to expect and he knew that it was going to hurt.

There is that same mix of anticipation and dread boiling inside him now. Fuck. This is ridiculous. Alec isn’t ten anymore.

Magnus hooks his fingers into the waistband of Alec’s pants and then stops and just looks at him, hands poised to slide down Alec's boxers and jeans in one smooth move. Alec can't fathom why he’s not moving, why he keeps staring at Alec when all Alec wants is for Magnus to go on and get this over with. It takes a second before he realizes with a start that this is it. 

This is the furthest they've gone so far and Magnus is stopping to give him an out, give him time to say he's changed his mind, he doesn't want this after all. It's ridiculous because Alec wants this, maybe more than he's ever wanted anything in his life, even that first rune, but if Magnus keeps stopping at every damned turn they’ll never get anywhere.

It’s a tantalizing picture, seeing Magnus between Alec’s leg, lips slightly parted, looking up at him, mouth only inches from Alec’s groin. Magnus looks so absolutely delectable hovering there between Alec’s legs, muscles standing out on his arms, giving him a beautiful silhouette. Utterly perfect. Too perfect.

Alec would start wondering what he’s doing here if it weren’t for the look in Magnus’ eyes. The look that says he wants this, that he wants Alec, but it’s Alec’s decision, and whatever he decides right now will be fine. And Alec wants this, yet it's Magnus’ hesitation, the knowledge that they can stop whenever Alec wants to, there's no pressure here, no judgement from Magnus that gives Alec the courage to nod his head and lift his hips, giving Magnus the signal to proceed.

Magnus sucks in a surprised breath, as if he hadn't expected Alec to actually go through with it. Alec can feel the fabric being dragged over his hipbones, bunching up until his cock finally springs free, leaving drops of precum on Alec’s belly as it bobs against his skin.

Magnus drags Alec’s jeans and boxers all the way off, letting them fall to the ground with a soft thud at the end of the bed. Then he just stands there for a moment staring at Alec, lying on the bed fully naked and breathing heavily, and Alec starts to squirm under the gaze, feels his boldness draining away.

He had been so lost in the heat of the moment, high on lust and adrenaline, Alec hadn’t even paused to think, too focused on getting them both naked because he needed to _feel_. But now Magnus is too far away to touch, giving Alec enough space for his brain to kick into overdrive.

This is it. Alec’s fully naked for the first time and suddenly he feels cold. Exposed. Magnus is standing at the foot of the bed looking at him, properly looking at him, and all of Alec’s old insecurities flood back in an instant. ( _Ugly. Broken. Scarred._ ) Alec’s first instinct is to hide, to cover himself, to snuff out all the candles so Magnus can’t see him anymore.

He doesn’t get the chance.

“Gorgeous,” Magnus says, reverently, even as he slowly climbs back up the bed.

Gorgeous, as if he were appraising some old painting or other piece of art. It can’t possibly apply to Alec.

Magnus trails soft, chaste kisses up Alec's legs, muttering a litany of little encouragements and naughty ideas, of how he loves Alec's body, how every part of him is perfect and what exactly Magnus plans to do with it. All the while he keeps touching Alec, grounding him with the soft touch of lips and fingertips.

It helps.

By the time Magnus gets up to his hips, skirting Alec's cock in favor of biting gently at his hipbone, tongue lapping the sting away, Alec's started squirming for wholly different reasons.

Alec’s learned early on that it’s easier to banish his thoughts as long as he stays active, keeping his brain focused on thinking about his next move. And Alec will be dammed if he lets his own issues get in the way of this. Alec wants this. He _needs_ this to happen tonight.

So he takes the initiative and grabs Magnus by the shoulders, dragging him all the way up the rest of Alec's body. Their bodies rub together in the most delicious drag of skin on skin and it’s so good Alec almost shoves Magnus right back down so they can do it again.

Magnus starts to say something about being interrupted. Alec doesn’t have the patience to let him finish. He silences Magnus’ protests with a kiss, licking into his mouth until Magnus is making these desperate little whimpers that drive Alec up the wall.

Fuck. It’s so much better than just hearing Magnus through the phone because he can look and feel and taste and smell and by the Angel, it’s almost too much all at once.

Magnus settles beside Alec, pressing close from chest to toes, one leg hooked over Alec’s and Alec realizes with a start that Magnus is fully naked as well. He’s got no idea whether there was any magic involved or whether Alec was simply too far gone to notice, but Magnus has divested himself not only of his jewelry, but also of his tight red leather pants. It's probably a good thing, because Alec isn't sure he would have been able to peel Magnus out of them.

But this also means Magnus’ cock is right there, pressing tantalizingly against Alec's hip, impossible to ignore. Alec trails a hand between their bodies so he can actually touch. Magnus makes a surprised moan, but doesn't stop sucking on Alec's bottom lip, simply shifting his hips a little to give Alec better access.

Alec can feel his heart beating so fast it’s almost in his throat. He’s got no idea what he’s doing.

Alec wraps his fingers around Magnus’ length the way he would with himself. It's the first time Alec has touched a cock besides his own. While Magnus’ is a little thinner, Alec’s both surprised and relieved to find it doesn't feel all that different from when he’s touching himself. Except for the part where he can’t actually feel what his fingers are doing. He doesn’t know whether his fingers are in the right spot or whether the pressure is any good. It’s weird and strangely exhilarating at the same time.

For a moment, Alec is so enraptured by the feel of Magnus’ cock in his hands, he doesn’t do anything besides holding it. He risks a glance downwards and then immediately feels tacky for watching Magnus’ dick when Magnus’ face is right there. It’s not like he can see that much anyways, pressed closed together as they are, and right now he needs to see Magnus’ reactions more than he needs to see what he’s doing.

Magnus’ eyes are screwed shut, lips slightly parted and they’re so close together, Alec can feel Magnus’ breath on his face. Magnus’ left hand is gently curled around Alec’s biceps, just a feather-light touch at the moment, but the involuntary twitch of his fingertips is enough to startle Alec into action.

Magnus’ skin is velvety smooth, flesh hard and hot underneath and Alec gives it an experimental tug. He is rewarded with a long moan that makes Alec shudder in response and he wonders what other sounds he can coax out of Magnus.

He loves hearing Magnus, drinks up all his groans and whimpers and thirsts for more. His favorite part is Magnus talking dirty, saying all those things Alec’s blushing just thinking about. It also helps to have a running commentary. Alec has learned by now that Magnus is rather vocal in bed (at least as long as his mouth isn’t occupied elsewhere) and it’s almost comforting to hear him now. It takes the guesswork out of things.

Alec starts jerking Magnus off, a little hesitant and awkward at first, but quickly finds his rhythm as Magnus tells him exactly what Alec is doing to Magnus. 

“Gods, yes, you're making me lose my mind when you look at me like that, angel.”

He coaches him gently, letting Alec know what he needs, with words or a subtle nudge of his hand.

“Little harder, love, use your thumb to– _aaah_ , just like that.”

And most of all he stokes Alec’s own desire, breath ghosting hot over Alec’s ear as Magnus tells him all those things he has planned for another time.

“Want to take you in my mouth, feel your nice, thick cock on my tongue, suck you down and taste you on my lips.”

Alec loves hearing Magnus’ voice growing more gravelly and ragged, knowing he's the culprit. It’s intoxicating, the small gasps and shivers, the jolts of pleasure as he gets something right, that look of utter abandon that crosses Magnus’ face as he gets close. Alec loves nothing more than watching Magnus slowly come undone. It’s a heady rush, knowing that he’s the one responsible for making Magnus feel this good. It’s intoxicating, making Alec feel giddy like a glass of champagne on an empty stomach. It’s addicting like yin fen.

He takes it as a challenge to see whether he can push Magnus far enough to be unable to string two words together, much less a coherent sentence. Even if he doesn't quite manage it this time, still awkward and fumbling, he's nothing but determined to try again. Magnus doesn't seem to have any objection to letting Alec practice.

He's panting, hips straining against Alec as Alec's hand is flying over Magnus’ cock. His hand, originally loosely draped over Alec’s hip, is digging into Alec’s flesh now, desperate for something to hold on to.

“Alexander… Alec.” Magnus voice has taken on a definite strain, something Alec has never heard before. He’s panting, breath coming in shallow gasps now, his whole body glistening with a slight sheen of sweat. “I won’t be able to stop myself if you keep on doing this.”

Good, Alec thinks absently, kissing away a salty bead of sweat at Magnus’ temple. He has no intention of stopping.

Alec goes for Magnus’ ear, nibbling on the earlobe, tracing his tongue around the shell. He eggs him on in broken whispers of, “please, Magnus, yes, wanna see you”, flicks of his wrist growing increasingly erratic and he can feel the strain in his elbow but ignores it, desperate to push Magnus over the edge and then Magnus is screwing his eyes shut, hand digging almost painfully into Alec’s side, warning him with a strangled “close, gonna—”, whole body going rigid for one breath, two, a last swipe over the head and then Alec can feel Magnus spasming in his hand, cock spurting out pearly white streams of come and it's absolutely breathtaking. 

Alec watches, mesmerized, as Magnus rides his high and then slowly comes down, spurts slowing to a small dribble, tense muscles gradually relaxing until he feels almost boneless, molding himself against Alec's body with a happy sigh, head propped up on Alec's shoulder. 

Wow.

Alec feels shaky, like he can’t quite believe what just happened. Then Magnus opens his eyes and looks at him, gaze full of love and adoration underneath long lashes and Alec's mouth goes dry, his heart giving a little stutter, fluttering in his chest.

Alec knows suddenly, with absolute clarity, that he would do anything, give up everything just to see that look again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Reality is a ten ton freight truck barreling right over Alec and dragging him under._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings: This chapter contains descriptions of internalized homophobia and self-hate. Please take care of yourself when deciding whether to read this._
> 
> As always, my deepest gratitude to my betas D, Lu and Schrehn, without whom this fic and this chapter would not be what they are. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Magnus smiles at him, still a little wobbly, and Alec’s a tiny bit proud. He did it. He made his boyfriend come. Alec’s actually not quite sure how he managed it, the whole thing had been more guesswork and guided intuition than any sort of skill, but it can’t have been that bad because it had worked, hadn’t it? The evidence is right there and Alec feels a weird mixture of giddy and tired and proud.

Quickly followed by grossed out because while most of the mess landed on Magnus’ belly, Alec’s hand is covered in cum, sticky and rapidly cooling against his skin. _Eww._ But he doesn't want to wipe it on Magnus’ silk sheets because they look pretty expensive and also Alec wants to sleep in them later. Alec looks around a little helpless, but there's nothing close. How can Magnus not have some tissues nearby? Alec doesn't know any guy that doesn't keep them handy for convenient cleanup. Maybe Magnus never jerks off? But Alec had been pretty sure Magnus had been jacking off to their phone call last night, so…

Magnus is still blissed out and Alec doesn't want to kill his buzz by asking for tissues. That’s kind of embarrassing and Magnus looks so peaceful. Even though he’s not wearing any makeup and he’s got his eyes closed, his whole face seems to have this soft glow, lips quirked up with just the faintest hint of a smile.

He looks so mesmerizing, Alec gets lost for a moment studying the soft lines of his face, his strong cheekbones and the graceful bow of his lips. It’s hard to imagine that Magnus is hundreds of years old when he barely looks a day over thirty. He looks even younger like this, hair mussed and falling onto his forehead in disarray. Alec reaches out to brush a lock of hair away and then remembers that his hand is still covered in ick, so he gently extricates himself and pads into the bathroom to wash his hands and maybe see if he can find a towel to bring back. Magnus makes a small noise but otherwise doesn't stir.

Of course, once Alec looks at himself in the mirror over the sink, bright bathroom light throwing the sharp lines of his face into stark relief, it's like the little magic bubble of what just happened pops and reality comes rushing back in.

Reality is a ten ton freight truck barreling right over Alec and dragging him under.

Alec just laid in bed naked with another man. He touched another guy's dick, jerked him to completion and he _liked it_. Kept thinking of all these other things that he'd like to do, that he'd like to have done to him. Alec’s stomach churns. It had felt amazing at the time, but now he’s left feeling a deep sense of shame. For having done that. And for wanting more.

Alec washes his hands, turns the water so warm it’s almost scalding and uses way too much soap, but no matter how hard he scrubs, he still feels unclean. Like Magnus’ come has left a permanent stain on Alec’s hands.

Deep down, Alec has always known that he was different, that he never quite fit in. Intellectually, Alec knows that he's gay. That this means he feels sexual attraction towards other men. It's just that for so long, Alec could pretend that it was a non-issue. Jace would never have let anything happen between them, so Alec never had to really think about it. Being gay just meant shoving those thoughts about Jace to the deepest corner of his mind and hating himself for thinking them in the first place. But now… 

Even after he kissed Magnus, it didn't really mean anything. Girls kissed other girls all the time. Alec knows for a fact that Izzy has kissed at least one other girl, with tongue. It doesn't make his sister gay. But tugging on another guy's dick and liking it? Wanting to do all those other things with him? Not just thinking about them or even talking, but actually doing them. That's like a whole nother level of gay. One from which there is no turning back. The thought makes the bile rise in the back of his throat. He feels nauseous.

It's like being gay has always been this abstract concept that didn't really mean anything, that Alec could just pretend didn't really matter. So far, it's all been inside Alec's head. Now, it's suddenly… real. And it matters. 

He leans his hands on the sink, watching the water swirl down the drain. Being gay and wanting to put dicks in your mouth feel like two entirely different things. 

Telling your mother you're gay is hard. 

Telling—

Oh Gods. 

Telling your mother you like putting dicks in your mouth is—

It's just—

Fuck it, that's _impossible_. 

Alec can feel cold sweat breaking out on his skin, making him feel clammy, like he needs to get out of his clothes except he’s not wearing any. All his life he's been told that what he likes is wrong. 

Men shall not lie with other men. 

It's unnatural. 

Sinful. 

Debased.

Alec switches the water over to cold, splashing some on his wrists and face. He feels sick to his stomach, like he might throw up any moment.

(Please no. Not here. Not _now_.)

When his gaze comes up in the mirror, Alec quickly averts his eyes again, studying the faucet instead. He can’t stand to look at himself right now.

Logically, Alec knows that there's nothing wrong with being gay. Izzy had not exactly been subtle once she figured it out, leaving around magazines helpfully turned to advice columns and coming out stories, even though Alec is perfectly capable of using the Internet.

It's not an illness.

It's not his fault.

It's nature.

But now he's forced to admit that he's undeniably something which he's fought all his life so hard to _not_ be and it feels like a failure.

Which is wrong, too, because this shouldn't feel like a failure. It's as if Alec is betraying Magnus when he thinks of this as a failure. Because Magnus hasn't done anything wrong. He's been the perfect boyfriend, sweet and patient and always so goddamn considerate and Alec pays him back by thinking of this as wrong. Feeling that cold stab of guilt over what they have done.

No.

Alec shuts off the water and mechanically dries his hands on one of Magnus’ fluffy towels.

No, that's not okay.

Alec refuses to feel like a failure over Magnus. Because what he has with Magnus is _good_. It’s so much better than anything he’s ever thought he’d have. 

Whenever they're together Alec feels so fucking spectacular. It's only after, when he's back at the Institute, left alone with his thoughts for too long that things turn sour. That the gears start spinning in Alec's head, running down well-trodden paths of fear and disgust and self-hate.

And Alec hates himself right now. Because his brain has taken something so wonderful like making his boyfriend come, watching him scrunch his eyes up in pleasure and that awesome, fierce feeling of _I did that_ and twisted it into something that's cold and disgusting and there's this tiny part of Alec that still feels like a failure, that has just utterly disappointed his parents and the Clave and then there's this bigger part of him that feels like a failure for failing to stop feeling like a failure and in the end it all just spirals back to Alec being a huge fucking failure in every which way and—

Suddenly there's a hand on his shoulder. Alec startles so much his fight reflexes kick in. Of course he doesn't have any weapons on him, so his hand that's been instinctively grabbing for his dagger comes back empty, leaving Magnus only with Alec's punches to fend off. 

Magnus.

Of course it's Magnus standing before Alec.

Who else would it be?

Magnus followed him into the bathroom, probably to see whether Alec was okay, and Alec attacks him. Thank the Angel Magnus has great reflexes, because he easily evades one fist and catches the other in a surprisingly strong grip before they can do any harm. Alec would never forgive himself if he hurt Magnus.

“Not a demon,” Magnus says gently, “just me.”

Alec has no idea what the expression on his face must be like right now, but judging from the way Magnus looks at him, it has to be quite a pitiful sight. 

“I didn't—fuck, I'm so sorry,” Alec stammers, because he still can't quite process that he almost hit Magnus. “Did I—are you okay?”

“I'm fine, darling. Question is, are you?” 

Yeah, Alec wants to say, I'm good. Easy words, right? Almost second nature. But something in the way Magnus looks at him, not with anger or contempt or pity, but full of concern (and …compassion?) lets the words get stuck in Alec's throat.

He doesn't want to drag Magnus into it. This is just Alec being oversensitive (or a huge pansy, as Jace would put it, but Alec resolutely shoves all thoughts of Jace far out of his mind). He just needs a little time to calm down, think things through. He’ll be right as rain, nothing to worry about.

Alec knows he should reassure Magnus, but the longer he waits the larger the lump in his throat becomes. 

Truth is, Alec isn't fine. Far from it. 

And his brain just keeps hammering at him what a failure he is, that he can't even tell his boyfriend he's fine, but the words feel like a lie, just another huge lie in his life and Alec can't bring himself to lie to Magnus right now. So he silently stands there, fighting back the tears and the anger threatening to spill forth and bites his lip so hard he almost draws blood.

(Not here. Not now.)

Magnus sighs, a small exhale of breath, more to himself than a true expression of feeling. Apparently Alec's inability to answer that question is an answer in itself.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, looking at Alec with warmth and patience and a slight flicker of helplessness.

Alec bites his lip harder and reminds himself not to cry. Not in front of Magnus Bane. He hasn’t cried in front of anyone for over a decade, when he was still a small boy. Alec is a grown man now and grown men don’t cry in their boyfriend’s bathroom in the middle of the night after the first handjob of their life.

By the Angel, could Alec get any more pathetic? 

Magnus’ question still hangs between them, but Alec is afraid if he opens his mouth right now something uncontrollable will spill out, and then he might not be able to hold the flood back anymore, so he grits his teeth and mutely shakes his head.

And of course Magnus just nods and accepts this, doesn't even move a muscle, but Alec can see the emotions buried underneath, the sorrow and _disappointment_.

Great. Fucking hell.

“How about we go back to bed?” Magnus asks, rubbing Alec's shoulder in a soothing motion.

It's the startling warmth of Magnus' hands that make Alec realize how cold his own skin is. He's been standing naked in the bathroom for who knows how long. No wonder he's cold. Now that Magnus has reminded him, Alec’s body suddenly starts sending all these signals. He's cold and tired and achey. Focusing on his body has the benefit of letting some of the bottled up anger and guilt dissipate, but it just leaves Alec drained. Exhausted. Alec wants nothing more than to lie down and pretend everything will be brighter in the morning.

“Yeah, just…” Now that they're already in the bathroom, he'd really like to brush his teeth. He feels disgusting enough as it is, without that foul taste in his mouth. “Do you—” Alec gestures at the sink and then stops mid-motion when he spies the toothbrush he used the last time he was here in the little cup right next to Magnus’ own. "Oh."

Magnus kept his toothbrush.

It's just sitting there, waiting for the next time Alec will spend the night. Right next to Magnus', in its own rightful place. Where it belongs.

It's been like this with everything, Alec realizes. Magnus has simply made space for Alec, quietly, as if it's a matter of course that Alec gets the left side of the bed, the blue toothbrush when Magnus' is green, the upper left shelf in Magnus' walk-in closet where Alec can leave some clothes.

And Alec hadn't even noticed.

He hadn't thought about it, never had to explicitly ask for any of these things. Somehow he has slotted right into Magnus' life. It's all happened naturally, as if this is where he was always meant to be. Or so it feels like.

When everything in Alec's life feels wrong and twisted, Magnus just comes along and does one tiny thing that shifts everything over just a notch and everything slots into place. Like Alec's toothbrush. As if Alec just has to open his eyes and look at what's right in front of him and he'll see that maybe this is where he belongs. At Magnus’ side.

Alec grabs his toothbrush, staring at it for a moment.

“Thank you,” he mutters, still stunned by his realization. He doesn't know how to express everything he means by that.

Magnus simply smiles at him and hands Alec the toothpaste and something in Magnus’ smile makes Alec think that maybe Magnus understands that this isn't about the toothbrush at all.

They brush their teeth in silence, standing shoulder to shoulder in front of the large mirror. It feels oddly familiar, as if they've done this a thousand times before. Alec still avoids his own gaze in the mirror, instead focusing on the mechanical brush back and forth, on Magnus' shoulder bumping into his. He's so tired nearly all his energy goes into just keeping on his feet.

Afterwards, Magnus gently drags him back to bed.

Alec manages to put his shorts and shirt back on, but he doesn't even get a chance to curl up into a little blanket burrito of misery. Instead, Magnus arranges them so Alec's head is comfortably nestled into the crook of Magnus' shoulder, one of Magnus' legs casually draped over Alec's, nixing any plans of escape.

So Alec simply gives in, molding himself against Magnus, one arm thrown over Magnus' chest in a loose embrace. Alec can feel Magnus' calm breaths, hear his pulse beat slow and steady. Magnus' fingers are carding through Alec's hair, drawing lazy circles on his scalp and it feels… nice. 

Comfortable.

Warm.

Safe.

But even as tired as he is, Alec's brain won't let him sleep, running over that scene in the bathroom again and again. This wasn’t what he’d had in mind when Alec planned to spend the night. It’s like their first date all over again, only worse.

Why does Alec always have to ruin everything?

Why can he never just enjoy things?

Why does he always have to pick everything apart, why does he still give a shit what his parents or the Clave or anybody else think of him, why is he so incapable of just letting go?

“Does it ever shut up in there?” Magnus asks, tapping gently against Alec’s forehead.

Alec has no idea what Magnus is talking about. He’s pretty sure he wasn’t saying anything out loud. Oh God, did he talk without meaning to? Izzy told him he sometimes talks in his sleep, so maybe…

“I can see the wheels spinning, love.”

He can… _oh_. 

Alec gets it now. He’s overthinking so much even Magnus can pick up on it. Alec’s brain is in overdrive and once again it’s ruining everything and—

Focus. Breathe.

“Sorry?” he says, because he doesn’t really know how to answer that question. “I’m so sorry, I’m ruining—”

It’s as far as he gets before Magnus stops him with a finger to his lips. “You are not ruining anything, Alexander. There is nothing you could ruin.”

He tips his finger under Alec's chin, nudging Alec to look at him. As if to make sure that Alec gets this, because it’s important. “We don’t have to do anything. There are no rules we need to follow, no script we need to get through.”

Magnus’ thumb is brushing over Alec’s cheek, his fingertips moving in small circles just behind Alec’s ear and it’s a small gesture of reassurance even as the words tear a hole in Alec’s world.

He wanted this. He needed this. To be good. To finally happen.

It had started out so good. Everything had been fine, right until that moment when Alec had to go and ruin everything. 

Fuck.

Alec had felt ready. He really did, and it feels like just another failure to admit he might not be.

Not that he has any idea how to articulate this. Any of this.

(Failure, such a failure.) 

He sucks in a shaky breath, trying to form the words, but his brain won’t supply any and his tongue feels three times too large in his mouth and he can’t stand Magnus’ gaze anymore. It’s fond and understanding and so free of judgement when Alec feels he should be judged.

He deserves to be judged.

Alec wraps his arms around Magnus’ shoulders, hiding his face in the crook of Magnus’ neck again. It almost feels like falling into Magnus’ arms, even though they’re lying still. Magnus embraces Alec in a hug, one hand cradling the back of Alec’s neck and the other wrapped tight around Alec’s back. Just to be able to feel Magnus, a solid, warm weight in Alec’s arms, to be held by Magnus, it helps.

“I hate my brain,” Alec mumbles into Magnus’ shoulder, because he has to say something, to break out of this cycle of his thoughts spinning in circles inside his own head. “I wish I could just cut it out.”

“Don’t you dare, Alexander Lightwood.” Magnus sounds vaguely outraged. “I like your pretty little head just the way it is. Inside and out.” He presses a small kiss against the top of Alec’s head and Alec can’t fight the small smile, but it’s there and gone again.

“I don’t. I like yours, though. Think we can switch?” he asks, unenthusiastic.

Magnus gives a slight chuckle at that. His hand starts rubbing slow circles up and down Alec’s back. It feels good.

Warm and nice and safe.

“I don’t know. It might confuse other people if we just switched.”

“We can announce it beforehand. They’ll get used to it.”

“Hmm.” Magnus nods. “Of course, my face requires a lot of upkeep. Cleanse, tone, moisturize, exfoliate, it’s an awful lot of steps to remember. And we haven’t even talked about my hair.”

Alec shrugs. “Eh, I’ll just cut it short.”

Magnus makes a shocked gasp. “Absolutely not. You’d probably give me a _buzz-cut_.”

Alec has never heard someone pack this much disdain and repulsion into a single word. It’s faintly awe-inspiring.

“Just think what I might do with a makeup palette,” Alec suggest gleefully.

Magnus gives an actual, full-body shudder. “I’ve changed my mind, it simply won’t do. I can’t let you have my head if you’re gonna ruin it.”

“Pity,” Alec says. The idea of trying to put makeup on Magnus’ face had actually been entertaining.

They both fall quiet after that, just lying in bed and… cuddling. Even though it's still tinged with a slight edge of desperation on Alec's side. 

“Why does it always have to be so hard?” Alec asks after what feels like a small eternity.

It’s not even a real question, more wondering out loud. Magnus gives a little stir, but from the rise and fall of his chest Alec doesn’t think he was actually asleep yet.

“Few worthwhile things ever are,” Magnus says wistfully. “But…” he starts and then stops, as if he’s unsure whether to really say what’s on his mind.

“What?” Alec asks, nettled.

Magnus’ hand starts up its circles on Alec’s back again, as if he’s preemptively trying to rub away the sting that his words will carry. “Do you think... You might just be making things harder for yourself than they need to be?”

“I didn’t choose this. In fact, I tried everything—” Alec starts but Magnus cuts him off.

“That’s not what I meant.” Magnus pauses, searching for the right words. “You always keep yourself to such a high standard, Alexander. Much higher than everyone else. And then you beat yourself up when you fall short of it. Angel blood notwithstanding, you are just human, Alec.”

“I don’t—” Alec frowns. It’s not that, it’s just...

“You don’t have desires? You don’t need things like love and reassurance? You’re never weak?”

“Of course I am.” Alec is not that conceited. He’s very aware of his shortcomings, numerous as they are.

“It’s okay to be those things, Alec. You’re allowed to want what you want.”

Alec lets out a shaky breath. “Then why does it feel like this?”

“Because you’ve been raised by bigoted assholes?” Magnus promptly says and then makes a sound, as if he hadn’t intended to let that one slip. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“No,” Alec puts a hand on Magnus’ chest, stopping his apology.

He turns that thought over in his head, examining it. It’s true.

No matter how many magazines Izzy slapped under his nose, Alec never felt comfortable in his own skin. He had heard the whispers, the gossip, the idle rumors. He had sat at the dinner table and heard his parent’s snide remarks. All his life, he’d been terrified of somebody finding it out.

And why?

Because they kept telling him that it was unnatural. Shameful. A disgrace.

Even when Alec knew that they were wrong, in his heart he still believed them. Because they were his parents and his teachers and his elders and they were supposed to know better.

Well fuck that.

Magnus is right. Alec’s not feeling shitty because of himself, he’s feeling shitty because of what other people think.

And if _this_ , lying here in Magnus’ arms is supposed to be wrong, then Alec doesn’t want to be right. He doesn’t want to be anywhere but here right now.

“You’re right.” 

He can feel Magnus’ heartbeat under his fingertips, strong and sure, if a little fast. Like a rapid tattoo that’s calling out to Alec and Alec’s tired. Tired of fighting this. Of feeling conflicted. Feeling bad for wanting this.

He was prepared to give up everything, and it still wasn’t enough. It never would be.

Alec can’t change who he is. Raziel knows he tried.

He was such a fool.

Magnus is the best thing that ever happened to Alec. Alec was an idiot to try and run away from that. He’s only sorry that his mom can’t see it. Ever since the wedding, she’s been shutting him out. Their interactions have been limited to a bare minimum, and when they speak it’s strictly business. Her stiff cordiality hurts more than outright anger would.

But for the first time in his life, Alec won’t back down.

If his mom thinks that he’s throwing away his life by being with Magnus, then it’s her problem, not Alec’s. He’s done apologizing.

“You’re absolutely right. Everybody who’s telling me that this is wrong can just go fuck themselves.” 

Magnus makes a small gasp, as if he’s surprised by Alec’s sudden ferocity. “Well I certainly won’t argue with that.” He sounds pleased, hugging Alec close and Alec can’t help the smile spreading on his lips. 

The cold, hard lump in Alec’s stomach slowly dissolves into a warm puddle that spreads through his body, all the way to his toes and fingertips. He absentmindedly traces patterns on Magnus’ chest, just swirls and squiggles.

What does he care what other people think?

So what if Alec is gay?

If that means he gets to be with Magnus, hold him, kiss him, see that smile spread across Magnus’ face when he looks at Alec, full of awe and adoration, hear his name fall from Magnus’ lips at the heights of pleasure, do all those things he wants to do, then fuck it. If Alec needs to be gay to have this, he’ll gladly be gay for the rest of his life.

“Alexander, dear?” Magnus asks, chuckling slightly.

“Hmmm?”

“Are you marking me?”

“What?” Alec lifts his head slightly, staring at Magnus.

“You’re drawing the same three patterns on my chest over and over again.”

Alec looks at his fingers. He hadn’t paid any attention to what his fingers have been doing, lost in the feeling of Magnus’ skin under his fingertips. Now that he focuses on them, they’re still, holding no answers to what he’s been drawing. “I, uh… I have no idea.”

“Hm,” Magnus says, dropping the subject. He gently nudges Alec until he rests his head back on Magnus’ shoulder.

They lapse into silence again, but it’s a comfortable one this time. The loft is dark and quiet, Magnus is a warm, solid weight against Alec’s side and if Alec closes his eyes he can pretend that it’s just the two of them in this world. It’s a nice thought. Alec smiles, hugging Magnus closer, and slowly drifts off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Later, when Alec’s peacefully asleep, Magnus summons up the Gray Book. While he might know some of the basic ones, he’s got nowhere near all hundreds of runes memorized. He leafs through the pages, trying to match the patterns that Alec drew earlier. It doesn’t take him long._  
>  Clarity.  
> Fortitude.  
> Trust.  
> Magnus smiles to himself and sends the book flying back to its original place on his bookshelf.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It seems almost surreal in hindsight, like Alec can't quite believe it actually happened. But it had, hadn't it? They had sex. Finally. Or, well… Is giving your boyfriend a handjob sex? Or just foreplay? Does it count as sex when only one person comes?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry this took me so long to get out. February has been a crazy month. On the plus side, chapter 12 is almost done with beta, so you definitely won't have to wait as long this time. In the meantime, enjoy some more porn. ;)

Alec wakes up the next morning to the sounds of Magnus rummaging about the kitchen, clattering with pots and pans or the like. Magnus’ side of the bed is consequently empty, but at least it's unmade, suggesting Magnus actually slept in it.

Alec lets his head fall back into the pillow. It deflates with a small woosh, puffing up around his ears. He’s not quite sure whether he should be disappointed that there's no one to wake up next to or relieved that he has a few more moments to sort out the horrible mess that was last night. Alec stares up at the ceiling, studying the cloth draped above Magnus’ four poster bed, but the elaborate brocade pattern holds no answers.

So. Last night. 

Dinner had been nice. Magnus had looked absolutely spectacular in the soft candle light, magenta tips of his hair swinging softly every time he laughed. And those pants… Alec’s mouth goes dry at the mere thought of them. Now he finally knows exactly what Magnus is hiding under them. And that... That discovery really had been something.

It seems almost surreal in hindsight, like Alec can't quite believe it actually happened. But it had, hadn't it? They had sex. Finally. Or, well… Is giving your boyfriend a handjob sex? Or just foreplay? Does it count as sex when only one person comes?

Alec pushes a hand through his hair, as if sorting out his bed head will sort out his thoughts as well. It certainly feels more like sex than the phone sex they’ve had, but it doesn't feel like sex in the sense that Alec is still very much a virgin. At least he still feels like one.

Can you have had sex and still be a virgin, or does this mean by definition that everything he and Magnus have done so far doesn't really count as sex? If losing your virginity with a girl means you have to fuck her, does this mean in order for Alec to lose his virginity, he or Magnus has to—.

Alec blushes furiously at the thought.

Of course, Magnus picks exactly that moment to return to the bedroom. It's almost uncanny how Magnus just manages to pick his moments. Maybe having impeccable timing is a secret warlock power.

Magnus takes one look at Alec, who is by now surely a deep beet-red and raises an inquisitive eyebrow. Alec feels caught out, even though he hasn’t actually done anything.

“And a good morning to you, sunshine. I see you're already up,” Magnus quips pointedly towards the blanket. Alec follows his gaze and… 

_Hell and damnation._

Alec hasn't even been aware of his morning wood that is very clearly tenting the sheets right now. He immediately covers himself with his pillow, which of course only draws more attention to his groin. Plus it makes him look ridiculous. Magnus must think Alec is a huge pervert.

Oh God.

Alec wants to sink into the floor. Hell, spontaneously bursting into flames might be a good way to go right now. Or maybe being crushed by a piano out of nowhere, like in those cartoons… or an anvil. An anvil would do nicely just about now.

Unable to come up with a witty reply, Alec just buries his head in his hands and groans. Loudly. Maybe he's lucky and he's still asleep. Maybe this is all a dream he can wake up from. He really, really wants to wake up right now.

“Okay, you're right,” Magnus sighs dramatically, “I apologize for the bad pun. Coming up with something witty in the morning is _hard_.”

Alec peeks at Magnus through his fingers. He's standing in the door frame, dressed in a pair of turquoise-ish silk pajamas, hair and makeup already done, looking very nonchalant except for the devious glint in his eyes.

“Although I suppose you _came up with something_ ,” Magnus says, wiggling his eyebrows at Alec.

It throws Alec enough that he drops his hands to stare at Magnus. “What?”

“Oh, don't be so _stiff_ , Alec. If there’s something bothering you, I’m happy to _lend a hand_.” Magnus does this thing with his fingers that leaves no question exactly how he plans to help out. “I'm sure we can come to a _satisfying_ conclusion for everybody. Happy ending guaranteed!”

Magnus is having him on. With bad puns. At Alec’s expense. Alec’s pretty sure his whole face is a deep-red lantern, judging from the way his skin is burning.

“Okay, haha, very funny. You can stop now,” he grumps, trying to save whatever scraps of dignity he has left.

Blessfully, Magnus does seem to soften at that. “Speaking of satisfying, how do you feel about breakfast? I think I have some fruit around.” 

Alec nods. Breakfast doesn’t sound too bad right now.

Magnus’ eyes get this glint again. _Oh no. No no no no._ Alec screws his eyes shut, like that will stop him from suffering through whatever Magnus has thought of now.

“How about a banana and a couple of kiwis, hmm? Breakfast of champions! Maybe I can even find a cherry for you to pop into your mouth.” Magnus makes an obscene smacking noise with his lips on the word 'pop'. “Or do you prefer nuts?”

This cannot be real. Perhaps Alec got sent to a different dimension during sleep. Maybe he died and woke up in hell. That sounds about right.

It must be physically impossible to feel more embarrassed than Alec does right now. No amount of hazing growing up with Izzy and Jace (and there had been plenty) could have prepared him for this. If his ears start burning any worse, Alec swears they’re going to fall off.

“Would you shut up?” Alec asks, horrified by how pleading he sounds.

Magnus’ smile only grows wider. That bastard is enjoying this.

“Ah, you’ve got a hankering for meat, I should’ve known.” Magnus fakes some serious consideration, pinning Alec in place with a leering stare. “I could conjure up a bratwurst. Or a nice wiener for you. I do love me some sausage. Or would you rather eat out?” Magnus wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Alec doesn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. This whole scene is entirely ridiculous. “No!” 

“You know, I was just thinking, after breakfast, how do you feel about going camping? You erect the tent, I collect the wood. It’ll be romantic!” 

It’s like Magnus has turned into a bad pun machine, cranking out joke after joke, each one more horrifying than the last. They’re so bad, it’s almost painful. And he’s doing it on purpose.

“Stop. Please stop.”

“Oh, don't be a jerk and blow me off like that.” Magnus actually licks his lips. “We don't want this morning to suck now, do we? Not after we were off to such a lovely start.”

Alec can’t take any more. Sometimes, the only way out is straight ahead. “Hello, customer service? We need a new High Warlock of Brooklyn. The current one is broken. He’s turned into a bad pun robot.”

Magnus, the fucker, beams at Alec. It’s the widest, most shit-eating grin Alec has ever seen. “I've been told I'm quite the cunning linguist.”

And that’s it. That is _it_. There will be no mercy for Magnus. Alec grabs the first pillow his hand can find and throws it into Magnus’ face. He immediately follows it up with a second one for good measure. They are called throw pillows after all.

Magnus gives a high pitched squeak and dives for his big down pillow. The one actually made for sleeping on. Alec has barely enough time to raise his arms before he’s engulfed in a flurry of feathers and cloth.

The fight is officially on.

They chase each other around the bed, turning Magnus’ bedroom into a warzone in a matter of seconds. Alec is battle-trained, Shadowhunter reflexes and growing up with two siblings giving him the definite advantage, but Magnus is fast and not above using magic to shield himself from the worst of the barrage.

In the end, Alec tackles Magnus onto the bed, limbs flailing everywhere, and Alec has quite a hard time catching Magnus’ fingers which are trying to tickle him. He finally manages to pin Magnus’ wrists up above his head.

They stare at each other for a moment, both breathing heavily, but then Magnus’ smile turns evil and Alec steels himself for the next attack. He expects Magnus to try and twist out of Alec’s grip, but instead Magnus writhes underneath him, his whole body bucking against Alec’s, shamelessly rubbing himself against Alec.

It’s… It’s the very definition of playing dirty, is what it is. And judging from Magnus’ grin, Magnus is counting on Alec’s hang-ups to win this fight.

 _Fuck that._ He won’t get away that easily.

“You wanna play dirty, warlock?” Alec asks, adrenaline still pumping through his veins. “Bring it.”

And with that he lowers himself fully onto Magnus, leaving him no room to escape, pinning him to the bed with almost his full weight, while simultaneously sealing Magnus’ lips with a kiss. Magnus bucks once and practically throws himself into the kiss, no holds barred.

It’s none of their usual playful teasing or gentle explorations. This kiss is heated, charged with energy, their tongues dancing around each other in what seems almost like a battle, each trying to win the upper hand. It gets Alec’s blood boiling. He’s already half-hard again, arousal coursing through his body, setting every nerve ending on high alert and he can feel Magnus’ answering erection through his silk pajama bottoms, pressing itself into Alec’s hip. 

Fuck.

Just that feeling of Magnus against him, the unmistakable evidence that Magnus wants this, wants Alec, sends Alec's head spinning. Alec grinds his hips down, rubbing against Magnus, and Magnus moans into their kiss.

It’s so fucking hot.

Magnus makes a sound and wriggles his hands, and Alec belatedly realizes that he’s been holding Magnus’ wrists in what must have been an almost painful vice grip. He eases up immediately, moving his hands up so he can intertwine his fingers with Magnus’ instead. Magnus squeezes his hands once in reassurance, and hooks a leg over Alec’s ass to drag him down even closer.

They both groan as their dicks grind together, delicious friction sending sparks up Alec’s spine, but it’s not enough. There’s too many layers of clothes between them, too little skin and Alec reluctantly lets go of Magnus’ hands so he can slide his hands underneath Magnus’ pajama top.

Magnus uses his new found freedom to rake his hands over Alec’s back, sliding up his t-shirt in the process. They’re forced to break their kiss so Magnus can drag the shirt up over Alec’s head and Alec coaxes Magnus to sit up so he can get rid of Magnus’ top as well.

As soon as they’re both half-naked they collide back into each other, as if they’re magnets of opposite polarity, unable to stay apart. Magnus’ skin is hot and smooth, sending little shocks of pleasure through Alec wherever they touch. His whole body feels as if it’s on fire and Alec can’t get enough of it.

It's like yesterday evening, but different. Magnus looks sharper in the morning light, lines clear and defined where they blurred in the candle light last night and Alec allows himself a short moment to look. To take it all in.

Magnus looks gorgeous, rumpled and radiant, the very epitome of temptation. Hair mussed from when Alec dragged off his pajamas, his breathing just that bit more pronounced. His eyes are shining, the glitter in his makeup sparkling in the morning light, and he’s looking at Alec with a half-lidded gaze that’s full of promise. There are very faint lines around his eyes and mouth, ones that you only see when you really look. They only serve to enhance his beauty. Something seizes in Alec’s chest at he thought that he gets to have this. This isn’t just some fantasy his brain has cooked up. This is real. Magnus is real and perfect and right there, looking smug and delicious and Alec wants to taste, to feel, to have it all.

He kisses a path down Magnus’ neck, sucking on the supple flesh right above Magnus’ collarbone and Magnus arches into the touch. His skin tastes salty from the light sheen of sweat and Alec wants to taste Magnus everywhere, chase away the sweat with his tongue until all he can taste is Magnus, pure and sweet underneath.

Magnus gently nudges Alec’s head lower until Alec gets the hint and latches on to Magnus’ nipple. He sucks it into his mouth, swirling his tongue around and over it and is utterly fascinated when he can feel it actually tighten into a hard, stiff nub. He teases it with his lips and tongue until Magnus is practically writhing beneath him, muttering a string of profanities and encouragements broken by little moans and gasps.

“Don’t be afraid to use your teeth, angel. I love to feel your bite.”

Magnus is anything but shy, letting Alec know exactly how he feels, what’s working and what isn’t. Alec’s pleased to find that Magnus seems to always be this vocal in bed, that last night wasn’t the exception but the rule.

“ _Hnngh_. Fuck, yes. _Alexander_. Just like that.”

It makes things easier, somehow. Alec never has to guess whether he’s doing the right thing. Plus he loves hearing Magnus’ voice, hearing him describe all those things that send the blood rushing in Alec’s ears, turning Alec on even more.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me? Damn, babe. I’d let you chain me up and have your wicked way with me as long as you keep doing that. Don’t stop. Please don’t ever stop.”

Alec’s still enthralled with Magnus’ nipples, having moved on to the other one, lavishing it with attention when he feels Magnus’ hand on his dick. Not just through his boxers, either, but directly on it, no cloth in between.

For a moment Alec freezes, unable to process anything but the delicious heat surrounding him, that feeling of skin on skin, of somebody else’s hand on his dick. It’s not even doing anything, just resting there, and yet...

It feels nothing like his own.

Oh, it’s better. So much better. 

And then Magnus starts moving. It’s almost enough to short-circuit his brain.

It’s also just what he needs right now. Magnus’ fingers curl around his length, sliding slowly up and down, unhurried but hitting all the right spots, finally giving Alec the friction that rubbing against Magnus just couldn’t provide.

Magnus hasn’t even bothered to peel Alec out of his boxers first. He just up and stuck his hand in there. Not that Alec is complaining, but he can feel Magnus’ wrist straining against his waistband and it feels kind of cramped in there, so he wriggles his hips until Magnus gets the hint and pushes them halfway down his thighs. It takes some wild thrashing, but in the end Alec manages to eel all the way out of them.

It leaves Alec entirely naked, propped up on his elbows above Magnus, knees on either side of his hips. Normally, Alec would feel uncomfortable like this, exposed, on display. He couldn’t care less right now. There are much more pressing matters to attend to. And this position has the definitive advantage of leaving Magnus free reign, which he promptly uses.

He’s got one hand wrapped around the base while the other slides even lower, palming Alec’s balls. Alec can’t help the little jerk at feeling something there, touching him where he’s most vulnerable, where even Alec himself never wanders. He shies away, the reaction too ingrained, almost instinctive, his body shielding itself from a pain that never follows. “Magnus…”

“Sorry.”

Magnus withdraws instantly, hand falling away and Alec forces himself to relax again. He feels brittle, one breath away from cracking. But then Magnus shifts beneath him, his free arm coming up to encircle Alec in a light embrace, holding him, and Alec buries his face in the crook of Magnus’ neck.

“Alec, darling.” Magnus’ voice is low and sultry, hand stroking up to card through Alec’s hair, mouth right next to Alec’s ear. Alec lets out a breath and closes his eyes, focusing on Magnus’ voice, his smell, the heat of his body, the safety of his embrace. “My angel, my sweet angel, so hot like this.” The kiss is soft and fleeting, pressed to the skin next to Alec’s ear. It makes him shudder nonetheless. “Let me take care of you. Want you so much. Don’t hold back. I’ve got you.”

And how could Alec ever deny Magnus anything like that?

Desire is pulling Alec towards Magnus, sharp and insistent.

He takes a deep breath.

He wants this, wants it so much.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

Alec sighs, and gives himself over.

And Magnus makes it look so goddamn easy. So very nonchalant, verging on the brink of lazy. Like it’s no big deal. Alec tries to suppress the irrational burst of laughter bubbling up in his throat. It has an uncomfortable manic edge to it. No big deal. Just Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, jerking Alec off with small flicks of his wrist that don’t even go all the way up. Not that they need to. Alec is already at the edge of his seat, strung taught like a bowstring because Magnus fucking Bane has his hand on his dick and by the angel, it feels fucking amazing.

There is nothing shy about Magnus’ fingers, long and elegant, moving up and down Alec’s girth. No hesitation. As if they belong there. Alec certainly won’t argue with that. They feel so much better than his own hands.

When he does it himself, he always knows what to expect, knows exactly how much pressure and where he needs it. Alec seldom has the patience to drag it out, make it last any longer than it needs to. It’s almost perfunctory sometimes. Yes, it feels good, but never like this. Never even close.

Because with Magnus’ fingers, Alec doesn’t know what comes next, doesn’t know what to expect. From featherlight taps of his fingertips against the crown of Alec’s cock to milking motions letting Alec feel the rolling squeeze of every finger. It’s so much more intense somehow, never knowing what the next touch will be, so every cell in his body is on high alert.

Where Alec opts for the shortest way, Magnus is taking the scenic route, wandering down paths Alec never would have chosen. Slowing down just as Alec is getting close, varying the speed from languid strokes to quick flicks of his wrist. Every move is a new surprise and Magnus keeps finding spots that Alec didn’t even knew existed, that have him straining for release, and then Magnus switches it up again, varying the pressure or the angle. It’s maddening, coming so close and then being denied, finding just the right spot and then losing it again. A constant surge and ebb, eroding every last shred of Alec’s composure.

And Alec’s too far gone to protest. He’s lost, forsaken, at the complete and utter mercy of Magnus spiraling him towards heaven and then meandering somewhere else for a while before finding new and clever ways to rob Alec of his sanity.

It’s perfect, because it isn’t perfect.

Alec’s got his face pressed into the pillow, right next to Magnus’, hands clutched around Magnus’ shoulders. Somewhere along the way he simply collapsed on top of him, shifting his hips just enough to give Magnus the access he needs. His limbs feel like they’re made of jello, trembling with every new wave of pleasure that Magnus sends through his body. It’s incredible. He’s got his eyes closed, but he can feel Magnus’ heat against his skin, every breath is filled with the scent of him. It’s almost too much.

“So hot like this, my angel,” Magnus mutters in his ear as he cards one hand through Alec's sweat slick locks. “I've dreamt about this.”

Alec works his jaw, struggling to get words out. It's like Magnus is robbing him of every brain cell he's ever possessed, body too overcome with pleasure to spare any energy for higher thought processes. In the end, all he manages is a sheepish, “Me too.”

Magnus chuckles softly at that, holding Alec close with a loose arm around his shoulders as his other hand drives Alec higher and higher, past any heights he thought he could go. “I hope it's as good as you imagined it.”

“Yes. _Yes._ ” At first it's an answer, but then it becomes a confirmation, a plea for more.

An embarrassingly loud moan escapes Alec’s lips as Magnus swipes a thumb over the head, smearing the copious amounts of precum around. Alec shifts, leans his forehead against Magnus’s shoulder. He can see the dark spot Magnus has there, a tiny beauty patch on otherwise unmarred skin, perfect and beautiful. Alec wants to kiss it, to give something back, to make Magnus feel as good and loved and cherished as Alec is feeling right now.

He wants to do something, anything, even just this tiny gesture, but he doesn’t manage. His body won’t cooperate. Alec feels drunk and high and dizzy all at the same time. His limbs feel heavy and boneless, like a strange sort of tired, except he’s humming with energy. It’s like Alec’s suddenly forgotten the secret commands, he’s pretty sure he used to know how to tell his body to move. It doesn’t matter.

Magnus hums, happy and pleased, and changes up the angle so that Alec’s dick is hitting Magnus’ stomach with every pull, adding another sensation, something nice and slick to rub against. All thoughts Alec might’ve had go flying out the window. He’s unable to do anything but remember how to breathe as Magnus’ fingers encircle him with just the right amount of pressure, tight but not painfully so, dragging up and down over nerve endings that have Alec seeing stars, stealing every last coherent thought from Alec’s mind.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, Magnus, please… just… fuck.” Alec’s dimly aware he’s babbling, but he can't stop, he doesn't want to stop, he's so close.

More, more, just a little bit more.

Magnus hums and flicks his wrist, concentrating his moves higher now, fingers catching on the ridge, that cluster of nerves, sliding over sensitive skin, wet and messy, right where they need to be. His grip is tighter now; faster, too, switching it up between fast hard strokes down his full length and slick little twists at the very top, and it’s everything, Alec’s almost there, just a little bit...

His veins feel like they’re filled with hot, liquid lava, and Alec’s whole world shrinks to this pressure in his loins, the urgent desire to come overwhelming. He dimly registers his hands and toes spasming, curling up as the tension in his whole body rises, can hear Magnus muttering but it feels like it’s far away somehow, reaching Alec’s ears through a cotton fog and every nerve ending in his body is screaming for release.

Magnus’ fingers are pumping him, rough and sloppy but good, oh so good, and Alec’s teetering on the edge, his release so close he can almost taste it and then Magnus doubles his efforts, wrist flying over Alec’s cock and he can feel his whole body going rigid, every muscle in Alec’s body tensing up as the pressure at the base of his spine becomes unbearable. He can feel his balls drawing up and then everything goes white.

The first thing Alec can hear is his breath, deafeningly loud in his own ears. Stuttering gasps for breath like a fish on land, as if all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room and Alec is close to suffocating. He heaves in one breath after the other, focuses all his attention on pumping air into his lungs. The tight band around his chest slowly eases up, allowing him to take deeper breaths, get more air, until he no longer feels like he’ll pass out any second.

The next thing he notices is Magnus’ hands on his back, rubbing soothing circles over his skin. Alec slowly becomes aware of his surroundings again. They’re stretched out on the bed, Alec nestled close against Magnus’ side, legs loosely intertwined. There’s also a pool of milky white on Magnus’ abs, so yeah. That happened.

Alec looks up at Magnus, about to apologize for making a mess, but Magnus looks way too smug, like the cat that got the canary, and Alec’s apology dies on his lips.

“Welcome back, darling.” Magnus presses a quick kiss to the top of Alec's head. “If I had known all it’d take to get me laid were a few bad puns, I would have tried that so much sooner!”

Alec groans and hides his face in Magnus’ shoulder. “You try one more bad pun, you’re never getting laid again!”

They both know it’s an empty threat, but maybe it’ll buy Alec enough of a respite to shower and have breakfast unmolested by any more of Magnus’ horrible jokes.

Lying with his head on Magnus’ shoulder brings Magnus’ body back into prime view. He’s still wearing his silk pajama bottoms, now stained at the top with Alec’s come. Alec blushes. He’s been so caught up in his own pleasure, he entirely ignored Magnus. Who hasn’t come yet. Alec can still see the outline of Magnus’ dick against his pants, although it looks like he’s half-soft already.

“You want me to…” Alec waves vaguely in the direction of Magnus’ crotch, unable to actually put it into words.

“Thank you, love, but I’m good.” Magnus gently squeezes Alec’s shoulder. “Although I could use a shower.”

He looks down at himself and does one of his elegant, complicated flicks with his fingers. There’s a slight flicker of blue sparks and just like that Magnus' chest looks absolutely pristine again. Huh. So that explains the lack of bedside tissues. Alec should've been able to guess as much. Magnus seems to do any task requiring cleaning with magic, so Alec supposes it's only consistent Magnus would use magic to clean this up as well.

“Come on, up with you.” Magnus nudges Alec's shoulder. “Fun as it's been, we can't all lounge around in bed all day.”

It's true. Alec has to get back to the Institute, he's set to go over the plans with Jace to—.

The Institute.

Alec realizes with a sudden start he's got no idea what time it is. The sun is shining brightly through the window, which means it's probably way too late already. He practically jumps out of bed, rooting around in the chaos that is Magnus' bedroom floor, littered with pillows, blankets and clothes until he's located his jeans. The cell phone in his pocket has just enough battery left to tell him it's way too late already before it gives a sad chirp and dies on him. Fucking useless piece of shit technology. Fuck. Izzy is gonna have his balls.

Alec showers and brushes his teeth in record time. Magnus offers to open up a portal to the Institute but Alec declines. He's late already anyways. At least this way he'll have some time to clear his head and come up with a battle strategy.

Magnus shamelessly grabs Alec's ass on the way out the door, not letting him escape without one last proper kiss and it takes Alec way too long to actually tear himself away from Magnus. It's like some invisible wall between them has crumbled and they can't keep their hands off each other anymore. Alec feels the constant itch in his fingers to drag Magnus close, as if Alec's body is somehow incomplete and he needs Magnus close, feel the heat of his body, the press of skin and muscles and bones against his own. They just fit, like Alec's body is a puzzle piece and he needs Magnus to slot into place next to him to feel whole again.

A puzzle piece that really has to get its ass back to the Institute.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey,” Izzy says, grabbing Alec’s neck in her hands like she does when she wants him to listen up. “You’re doing fine, Alec. Stop beating yourself up. There’s nothing wrong with being in love.” 
> 
> It blindsides him. The way she just puts that thought out there, as if it's no big deal.
> 
> Love.
> 
> She must see his irritation at that, feel him tensing up, because she studies his face inquisitively. “You are, aren’t you? In love?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the next chapter a little early. We're still happily chugging along with the writing-beta-posting-pipeline and I've actually just finished writing a whole new chapter (as opposed to just starting one), so we've definitely still got a ways to go. I'll try my best to keep up posting at least a chapter a month. Please bear with me. Also, I've been really bad at answering comments lately, but I truly appreciate each and every one of them. You've been so very kind and patient with me. Thank you. ♥ 
> 
> My eternal love and gratitude, as always, to my cheerleaders, kick-ass betas and all around awesome ladies D, Lu and Schrehn.

He runs all the way back to the Institute, muscles stretching, lungs pumping, enjoying the soft breeze on his face as New York gears up for another warm day. By the time he's reached the steps of the Institute he's drenched in sweat, in dire need of another shower, but he also feels better than he has in weeks. Alec feels full of energy, blood pumping through his veins, heart racing a mile a minute, ready to take on the world.

Jace takes one look at him and raises an eyebrow.

“You look weird,” he remarks in his typical cryptic fashion and immediately earns an elbow to the ribs from Clary.

“Don't listen to him, you look good,” Clary says, smiling at Alec. “Surprisingly healthy.”

“Uh, thanks?” Alec’s not quite sure what to make of that.

“You look like you’re feeling better,” Izzy says, stepping over from her perch at the surveillance screens. Alec turns around. He hadn't even noticed her when he came in.

“Uhm, yeah,” he says, making a face, silently begging her not to make a scene in front of Jace and Clary and at the same time asking her why everybody is acting so weird. She looks at him imploringly, and Alec suddenly gets what she means. “I just needed some fresh air.”

“So I can see,” Izzy says sharply. She steps close, murmuring low enough so only Alec can hear, “you better spill tonight.”

She musters him with an iron gaze and Alec nods imperceptibly. He knows he owes her at least some kind of explanation for making her cover for him.

“I’m fine,” he says, as if she asked him whether he truly was okay.

“Whatever,” Jace mutters, clearly none too concerned with Alec’s health. “I’ll be in the study. You coming?” He’s already turning around without waiting for Alec.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Alec says to Jace’s back before looking back at Izzy.

“You better go tell Dad you’re over your stomach bug,” Izzy tells him.

“Right.” He squeezes her shoulder in a silent thank you. The look on her face tells him that this isn’t over yet, but she’s smiling, so at least she’s not mad anymore.

“Maybe you should go on a morning run more often,” Clary chips in. “It does seem to do wonders for your health.”

Alec frowns at her, trying not to let his irritation show. They are on better terms now than when they started off, but all too often she says these weird things and Alec just can’t work her out. He’s going to have to ask Izzy about it later.

~*~

“Oh yeah, she knows,” Izzy says, unconcerned.

Alec quickly shuts the door to his room, lest they be overheard. He leans back against the well-worn wood, sharing none of her calmness.

“Oh, come on,” Izzy says, reading Alec’s look. “No, I did not tell her. Clary’s a smart girl, she figured it out all on her own. You can’t expect everyone to be as blind as Jace. And you haven’t exactly been subtle.”

“I—what?” Alec asks, because while he hasn’t been hiding his relationship with Magnus (kind of a moot point after that scene in the church, really), he has been trying not to rub it into anybody’s face.

“Really, Alec. You should see yourself. Whenever somebody mentions Magnus, your eyes... They get this weird glow. Your whole face lights up. Like somebody turned on the light inside you. And when you come back from ‘ _patrol_ ’,” Izzy does actual air quotes around the word, “you’re smiling. You never smile!”

Alec crosses his arms over his chest. Izzy is, as usual, exaggerating grossly. Alec smiles plenty.

“It’s like somebody took my stoic, brooding brother and replaced him with a person who actually knows how to be happy.”

Okay, now Izzy has stopped making any sense at all. Alec is still the same person he’s always been. “I haven’t changed, Izzy.”

“Oh, yes you have!” Izzy rides right over his protest. “Remember just last week, that evening it was raining cats and dogs? You didn’t even yell at Jace when he tracked mud all over the grand hall floor.”

And yeah, okay, Alec remembers that night. He’d just phoned with Magnus, planning their next date and when Alec had complained he didn’t know what to wear Magnus had told him quite emphatically that he would not mind if Alec decided to show up wearing nothing at all. In fact, Magnus was wholly in favor of that decision.

Magnus had a way with words, vividly describing scenes such as what exactly he planned to do should Alec decide to show up at his place wearing nothing but, say, a trenchcoat and a pair of boots. Alec’s pants had grown uncomfortably tight at Magnus’ surprisingly imaginative suggestions, so he’d had kind of more pressing matters to attend to than yell at Jace when he had stormed in, dripping water and dirt everywhere.

“There!” Izzy croons triumphantly, pointing at Alec with her finger which… rude. “You did it again!”

“Did what?” Alec tries (and fails miserably) not to sound defensive.

“You just got that secret little smile that says you were totally just thinking about him! Go on, tell me I'm wrong.”

And… shit. Alec had no idea he did that. Can everybody read it on his face like that? Has Alec been running around making an utter fool of himself all this time? Because he has been thinking about Magnus a lot lately. It's kinda hard not to when Magnus is the first thing on his mind in the morning and the last thought before he falls asleep.

“Yes, fine, I was thinking of him,” Alec snaps because Izzy will be absolutely insufferable after this.

“It's adorable.”

“Izzy…” Alec supposes it's meant to be reassuring, but it's anything but.

Kittens are adorable. Children, maybe, but Alec is not a child anymore. Alec is a Shadowhunter. He's been acting head of the Institute ever since he turned 18 and their parents started spending more and more time in Idris, leaving Alec to take care of things in New York. And Alec has taken great pride in his parents’ decision to trust him to handle things. He's been trying to live up to their expectations all his life. But recently, he feels more and more like a failure in that regard. Nowhere in a Shadowhunters’ job description does it read ‘must look adorable while infatuated with the local High Warlock’. 

Alec knows he should try harder to keep it together. At least while he’s working. People depend on him. He can’t let thoughts of Magnus cloud his judgement.

“Hey,” Izzy says, grabbing Alec’s neck in her hands like she does when she wants him to listen up. “You’re doing fine, Alec. Stop beating yourself up. There’s nothing wrong with being in love.” 

It blindsides him. The way she just puts that thought out there, as if it's no big deal.

Love.

She must see his irritation at that, feel him tensing up, because she studies his face inquisitively. “You are, aren’t you? In love?”

“I—” Alec doesn’t know how to answer that.

Is he in love with Magnus? 

He remembers his father asking him the exact same question, right after the wedding. He had laughed it off back then. Everything had been so new and confusing, Alec hadn’t really allowed himself to examine his feelings too deeply. 

He looks Izzy in the eyes. “I don’t know.”

It’s the truth. Whenever he starts thinking about Magnus too much, everything just becomes one huge, jumbled mess in his head.

It’s complicated. 

He thought he’d been in love with Jace for so long. Even that memory demon showed him Jace’s face. But being with Magnus feels different. What he feels for Magnus doesn’t compare in the slightest with what he felt for Jace. Alec has no idea what to call that feeling.

But somehow, ‘I don’t know’ isn’t a satisfying answer to the question anymore, doesn’t even begin to encompass everything that Alec feels when he thinks of Magnus. 

How he misses him when they’re not together, even though they see each other almost every other day. How Alec’s heart beats a little faster when he takes out his phone and sees it’s Magnus calling. How every bone in his body seems to turn into putty when Magnus’ looks at him, how his stomach lurches into his throat every time Magnus smiles. How Alec will say something silly just to see Magnus smile again. How Magnus’ laugh is the greatest reward and Magnus’ kisses send every nerve ending in Alec’s body into a tingling frenzy. How much he wants to kiss him again. 

Alec catches himself thinking about Magnus all the time. What Magnus might say to that. What he’s doing right now. Whether Alec should text him or if that’s too clingy. Alec loves spending time with Magnus. Being with Magnus makes Alec like himself a little better. It’s like Magnus is bringing out the best in Alec. Magnus makes Alec want to be a better person. Be the best self he could possibly be. For Magnus.

“I think I... might be?”

Izzy just smiles at him. 

“You’ll figure it out.” She sounds way more confident than Alec is feeling about that. She turns around, plopping herself down on Alec’s bed, and pats the space next to her in an invitation. “But first, you have a story to tell. How was last night?”

And with that, apparently, the time for coddling Alec is over.

Alec coughs, suddenly uncomfortable, but sits down on the foot end of his bed. “Fine?”

Izzy looks unimpressed. “Details, Alec. You spent the night at Magnus’ place for the first time and he keeps you enthralled enough so I have to cover your ass for morning briefing? If Dad had decided to check up on you I would’ve been toast! And so would’ve been your ass, by the way. You owe me details. What did Magnus do to you, chain you to the bed and throw away the keys?”

“No?” Well, technically Magnus had threatened to not let Alec out of the bed again until Magnus was through with him, but that was hardly the point right now. Alec blushes furiously at the thought. He’ll have to make sure to keep Izzy and Magnus apart, or she’ll end up giving him ideas. “We just… talked.”

“Oh, I’m sure you did more than _‘just talk’_.”

Alec squirms uncomfortably, but once Izzy has licked blood she’s like a hellhound, incapable of letting something go. He will have to give her something.

“I made a fool of myself and Magnus laughed so hard he ruined his makeup,” he mumbles in a rush, hoping it’ll satisfy Izzy’s curiosity.

Izzy laughs with glee. “What did you do, try to smooth-talk him?”

Sometimes Izzy has that uncanny ability to hit way too close to the truth for Alec's liking.

“Something like that,” he admits, making Izzy laugh even harder.

Alec almost ends up ruining two makeups with this little tale, but Izzy manages to rein herself in before too much damage is done. “And then what happened?”

“He cleaned himself up and we had dinner.”

“What, and that's it?” Izzy sounds incredulous.

Alec just shrugs. There really isn't more to tell.

“Oh come on,” she whines, “Magnus wouldn't tell me anything either.”

“You talked to Magnus?” Alec winces as his voice gets higher with every word, ending in what can only be described as a high pitched shriek of terror.

Izzy looks at him like he's totally lost his mind. Alec coughs and tries again.

“When did you talk to Magnus?” He manages to keep his voice almost level this time.

Izzy shrugs nonchalantly. “He called me this morning after you had left to let me know everything was fine and to expect you shortly. I did get a little worried when you still hadn't shown up after the briefing was over.”

“I forgot to plug in my cellphone last night so the thing died on me,” Alec explains by way of apology.

“Magnus mentioned something along those lines. He also said not to pester you with any questions.”

“He did?” Alec asks, surprised that Magnus has tried to warn Izzy off. She obviously hadn't taken that advice to heart. “Why?”

“Because he clearly cares about you,” Izzy says in her best _‘d’uh, Alec, you're being an idiot again’_ -voice. It's a voice she perfected early on in their lives.

“I suppose he was afraid I might scare you off and he'd never get laid again. So,” she claps her hands in a way that clearly says ‘let's get down to business’, “sex. Has it happened yet? Was it any good? Are you gonna do it again? Tell me everything.”

Alec just sputters. Izzy could always be very direct when she wanted to be, and Alec knew this talk was gonna head in that direction sooner or later, he just hadn't expected her to be this… blunt.

“Really? Not a single word?” She sounds close to being angry.

“It’s really private, Izzy.” Alec tries to make her understand. 

“I’ve told you everything about my first time!”

“Yeah, but I never asked for it, did I?” Alec shoots back before he can think better of it. It comes out harsher than he intended to and he’d take it back if he could, but at the same time, it’s kind of true. Granted, Izzy had always confided in him, even when Alec hadn’t been too keen on the details, but it’s hardly his fault his sister likes to overshare.

It's also the entirely wrong thing to say. Izzy huffs, and Alec can read the anger and, worse, the disappointment plain on her face. 

Crap.

He knows this isn’t truly about the details. Of course Izzy is curious, nosy even, but in the end this is her way of making sure he’s okay. That he knows he can talk to her about it, any of it. And it’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just…

This isn’t something Alec wants to talk about. With anybody. And certainly not with his younger sister. No matter how much more experienced Izzy is in these matters, to Alec she’ll always be the five year old girl with pigtails who came running into his arms crying when she’d scraped her knee. Alec loves Izzy with all his heart, he’s trusted her with his life more times than he can count, but this topic is strictly off limits. 

Izzy being Izzy takes his silence as a sign that Alec doesn’t trust her enough to open up to her. Which isn’t true. 

“Izzy…” Alec doesn’t know how to make her understand that this has nothing to do with trust, and everything to do with Alec’s own issues. “Ask me anything else. Just please… not that.”

“Okay,” Izzy turns back to him, dangerous glint in her eyes. “What do you like about him?”

And… shit. Alec may have spoken a little hasty there. He swallows, trying to come up with words. It takes him way longer than it should, but Alec doesn’t know where to start. He can see the disappointment building in her eyes again, the certainty that Alec doesn’t trust her.

Alec panics. 

“He’s pretty.” He blurts the first thing that comes to his mind. Of course, it sounds completely stupid. Izzy clearly isn’t buying it either, but now that Alec started it, he might as well go through with it. 

“Like, really pretty.”

Izzy keeps looking at him like he’s full of shit, so Alec studies his fingernails instead, speaking haltingly. “You should see him without his makeup. I know he’s usually all glitter and grand gestures, but he isn’t like that when it’s just the two of us. Or, well, not all the time. He’s... calmer somehow, more sincere. He doesn’t mind when I make an utter fool of myself. Which I constantly do.” Last night had only been a highlight in what was a long string of mishaps and goofs on Alec’s part. It’s like whatever little grace Alec possesses goes flying out the window the moment Magnus steps into the room. And yet Magnus never makes Alec feel bad about these gaffes for too long.

“He’s just… easy to be with. Honest. Smart. Witty. Brave. Graceful. He’s got this way of looking at you that makes you forget everything else in the world. Like you’re the only thing that matters. I mean, look at him. He could have anybody he wanted. I have no idea what he’s doing with…” someone so awkward, screwed up, green, unsightly, graceless... Alec casts around, but he can’t find a single word to settle on. “Well... me,” he finishes lamely.

Alec picks at his cuticle, just so his fingers have something to do. He’s not even saying this to fish for sympathy. He truly doesn’t understand what Magnus sees in him. Even a blind man can tell Magnus is way out of Alec’s league.

Izzy robs across the bed until she can sling her arms around Alec’s shoulders. The position makes the whole hug a little awkward, but Alec is grateful for it nonetheless.

“I agree,” Izzy says close to Alec’s ear. “Sometimes you can be a huge fucking idiot.”

It startles Alec into a laugh.

“Like when you can’t see what a catch you are. Nobody is allowed to trash talk my big brother but myself. Not even you, Alexander Lightwood.”

“You let Jace trash talk me plenty,” Alec points out, but he’s smiling.

Izzy huffs, warm breath ghosting over Alec’s neck. “Jace doesn’t know how to communicate properly. We take away his trash talk and that boy got no words left.”

Alec laughs properly at that, because as much as he likes Jace, Izzy isn't entirely wrong about that.

“Thank you,” he says, because somehow talking to Izzy has made him feel better. He turns around so he can hug her and Izzy easily slides into his arms. Alec is nearly a full head taller than his sister (depending on her heels), but on the bed they're much more level. It almost feels like old times, back when they were little. They used to share a bedroom for years and would spend many nights burrowed under the covers together, them against the rest of the world. “I love you.”

Izzy squeezes him back. “I love you too, doofus.”

They break apart just as there's a knock on Alec's door. Alec frowns. He isn't expecting any more company tonight. Izzy just shrugs her shoulders.

“Come in,” Alec yells, loud enough so whoever is standing in front of the door can hear him. The door opens a crack and Jace sticks his head in.

“Hey Alec, you got a minute—oh.” He stops when he spies Izzy on the bed next to Alec.

“Everything okay?” he asks and Alec wonders what it says about them that Jace’s immediate reaction to seeing Alec and Izzy talk together is to assume something has happened.

“Everything's peachy,” Isabelle says, getting up from the bed. “We were just talking about you.”

She winks at Jace. Alec shoots her an annoyed look, because she only said that to yank Jace’s chain. She blows Alec a kiss and dances out the door, no doubt already planning her next shenanigans. Or maybe just running over to Clary to share the latest intel. Alec knows Izzy would never betray his trust, but every girl likes to gossip. No harm in a little idle chatter, as Izzy would say.

Jace's seems surprisingly unruffled by the whole affair. Something must be bothering him then, if he's too preoccupied to rise to Izzy's bait.

“What's up?” Alec asks.

“Nothing,” Jace says, seeming to snap out of some deep thoughts. “I was just wondering whether you've got time to mark me? You know it's stronger when...”

“Sure.” Alec jumps up to retrieve his stele from his desk. It's been awhile since Jace has asked Alec to put any runes on him. Admittedly, they've gone through a rough patch neither of them escaped entirely unharmed and while they've been on the mend, it's taken some time.

They used to do this all the time. Runes are stronger when applied by your parabatai, so it was only natural they did it for each other. Plus Alec has always found it easier to mark someone else's body than his own. Less awkward angles, and less pain to distract him from his concentration.

Jace has already shrugged off his shirt, sitting on Alec's bed. Seeing Jace like this, half-naked on Alec's bed, used to send all kinds of thoughts rushing through his head, accompanied by a pang of arousal. Now though… Jace still looks incredibly handsome, he’s in perfect shape, and yet Alec’s fingertips don’t itch anymore with the need to reach out, to touch.

Alec doesn't really feel anything besides a fondness for Jace and relief that things are finally getting back to normal. Their parabatai bond is still not as strong as it used to be. It’s recovering, albeit slowly. Alec has started to wonder whether it'll ever bounce back to its full strength or whether that is gone forever, just like his feelings for Jace. It feels odd, not having to hide his thoughts anymore.

“Okay,” Alec says, sitting down behind Jace. They usually start on the back. “What do you want?”

“Just the usual,” Jace says.

Right.

Somehow Alec can't shake the feeling that Jace didn't just come here for the marks.

“Ready?” Alec asks, touching Jace's shoulder lightly. Jace just nods. 

Alec starts with _Deflect_ on Jace's upper shoulder, always a thankful rune because it's quickly drawn. Jace sucks in a breath as the stele burns itself into his skin, but otherwise stays quiet. Alec draws the next two in quick succession, _Fortitude_ next to Jace's shoulder blade and then _Calm Anger_ further down, before giving Jace a bit of a breather, some time to let the sting fade away.

The silence between them is kind of tense. Alec feels like he should say something, but he’s got no idea what. He’s never been one for idle chit-chat. It’s usually Jace that will fill the silences, talk about something mundane like what he had for breakfast or the latest crazy raccoon video he’s seen on YouTube. Today he’s quiet and the way they’re sitting Alec can’t see Jace’s face, can’t even begin to try and puzzle this out, so he just watches the runes’ glow fade and settle into Jace’s skin before starting on Jace’s arm. 

He might have been rushing it, since it barely takes five minutes before Jace is fully marked up again. Alec finishes with a _Soundless_ right up on Jace's collarbone. It used to be Alec’s least favorite rune on Jace's body, because it meant they were finished and Jace would put his shirt back on, and also because it enabled Jace to sneak up on Alec way too often. Today he’s kind of glad to have this over with.

“All done,” Alec says, placing his stele on the nightstand.

“Thanks,” Jace says, already shrugging his shirt back on. “You need me to…?” He gestures at Alec's torso.

Alec’s thoughts flick back to last night. He's pretty sure he remembers Magnus sucking a hickey into a place he'd rather not discuss with Jace. “Ah, no, I'm good. Thanks.”

They stare at each other in an awkward silence, each waiting for the other to make the first move. Alec feels like he's trapped in a play where nobody has bothered to give him his lines. Is there something he should be saying? Alec racks his brain, mentally going over every conversation he's had with Jace these past few days and comes up empty.

“You okay?” He finally asks, when Jace doesn't move a muscle.

“Yeah,” Jace says, which is obviously untrue, but Alec has no idea how to call him out on it.

Before, he always used to have at least an inkling of what was bothering Jace, some hint at what was wrong. Now, though, he's stumped. They're still on shaky ground and Alec's afraid one wrong move will cause the whole house of cards to crumble.

Jace stares at him for another moment and then seems to give up. 

Just as he's about to get up, Alec blurts out, “You know I was at Magnus’ last night, right?” 

Fuck. Alec hadn't meant to break it like that.

Jace blinks at him, but sinks back down onto the mattress.

“I just…” Alec starts to ramble when Jace doesn't say anything, “it seems like everybody knows. Well, obviously not our parents but, y’know, everyone else, so I figured I better made sure you knew as well.”

Alec swears the words had made sense in his head, but saying them out loud like that seems to have robbed them of all sanity.

“Right,” Jace says, stone-faced, and Alec can't even tell whether this is news for Jace. Maybe Clary has already filled him in. Or maybe he didn't know and just doesn't care.

Alec's seized by the irrational urge to grab his parabatai and shake him. Maybe then some words will start falling out so Alec can make some sense of this whole mess.

It hurts. They used to be so close, able to talk about anything, and now there’s this chasm between them and Alec is _trying_ , but he doesn’t know how to fix this. And Jace is just sitting there, either unable or unwilling to throw Alec a bone. It’s frustrating as hell.

Just as one part of Alec’s life is the best it’s ever been, another has gone entirely to shits. As if there’s a limited quantity of goodness in Alec’s life that can never be surpassed and by introducing Magnus into Alec’s life, the universe also had to take something else away, to keep the balance, so to speak. And it took Jace.

Alec knows that thought is ridiculous, but right now it’s as good an explanation as any.

“You in love with him now?” Jace asks and what is it with everybody today asking Alec that question? Alec's kind of glad he already had time to think about his answer.

“I don't know,” he says, running a hand through his hair because it gives him an excuse to evade Jace’s eyes, “I might be.”

Jace nods, as if Alec has just told him it was going to rain tomorrow. (It isn't.)

Alec looks at Jace, waiting to see if there are any more questions forthcoming, but Jace seems lost in thought again already.

“I hope he treats you right,” Jace says almost as an afterthought, already getting up.

Alec watches him leave, closing the door behind himself.

“Yeah,” he says softly, although there's nobody in the room anymore to hear, “he is.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Magnus,” Alec hisses.
> 
> “Mmmh?” Magnus hums, unwilling to leave off kissing Alec.
> 
> “Magnus,” Alec hisses again, this time more insistent. Magnus finally gets the message, drawing away enough to look at Alec. “We need to stop.”
> 
> “Why?” Magnus asks, sounding almost petulant.
> 
> “We’re in public.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings: This chapter contains descriptions of homophobia and homophobic slurs. Please take care of yourself when deciding whether to read this._
> 
> I'm so sorry I'm late again with updating. In my defense, though, the reason for it this time is that due to popular demand, I've written a whole extra chapter on what's up with Jace. It's 7k. So, uhm, it took a while. And now my betas are doing their magic, beating it into shape and then it'll follow after this one. So for everybody who's been wondering what the hell crawled up Jace's butt... stay tuned!
> 
> And then I had to write a whole 'nother chapter to fit in between the new one and the one after that, because otherwise the flow wouldn't have worked, and so uhm, yeah. Slight delay because I've been busting my ass writing. Sorry 'bout that. ;) But in good news, chapter 14 is in the beta pipelines and chapter 15 is almost done being written and then we'll return to your regular scheduled programming again. For now, though, have some more Malec, because that's what we're all here for, ain't it? Enjoy. :)

When Alec comes down for breakfast, everyone's already in the mess hall. Jace is sitting in the corner, munching sullenly on a piece of toast. Clary is sitting next to him, furiously gesturing and giggling over something with… Simon? Alec has no idea why Simon is here first thing in the morning.

“What are _you_ doing here?” he asks, descending down the last couple of steps. 

Okay, so maybe it comes out a little more sharply than Alec intended, judging from the way both Clary and Simon seem to jump almost a foot in the air. Even Izzy shoots him an annoyed glance. Clary and Simon both look at him, surprised and somewhat guilty, as if Alec has just caught them stealing from the proverbial cookie jar. He narrows his eyes. Something's not quite right here.

“And a good morning to you, too, Alec,” Izzy chirps in from the sidelines.

Alec rolls his eyes. Who has time for niceties when there is a vampire in the Institute kitchen? Izzy looks at him pointedly, eyebrow raised sharply and Alec relents.

“Morning,” he grumbles and goes to see if there’s any coffee in the thermos left.

By the time Alec returns to the table, coffee and an apple in hand, Clary and Simon have resumed their conversation in hushed tones, but stop the moment Alec sits down opposite them. Izzy munches her muesli completely unperturbed and Jace seems lost to the world. No change there, then.

Alec looks between Izzy, Simon and Clary, waiting for some kind of explanation.

“I, uh, I was, uh…” Simon stammers at the same time as Clary starts saying “Simon here was just uuuh…”

Izzy rolls her eyes at the two. “Simon visited last night and didn't make it out in time for sunrise, so we offered him sanctuary,” she says loudly enough to drown out the other two.

Alec takes a deep breath—

“You know, as part of the accords.”

—and shuts his mouth again.

It's way too early to battle this out with Izzy. She may be technically right, they are obligated to offer Simon protection, and yet everything in Alec rebels. It's not even that he doesn't like Simon. Well, okay, he's still not Simon's biggest fan, but at least Alec likes him a good deal better now than he did in the beginning. There's something else. He can't quite pinpoint what it is that has his hackles up, but something about this stinks.

“Better make sure to leave extra early next time,” Alec advises Simon with a stern look. “In fact, the earlier the better.”

Simon takes a big gulp. Alec clamps down on the desire to smirk. Wouldn't do to ruin his reputation, not when Simon is so deliciously squirming in his seat.

“After all, I'm sure we'd all be _terribly heartbroken_ if you went up in flames.”

The comment earns him a kick from Izzy under the table, hard enough that Alec has to bite his lip to keep himself from flinching. Izzy's boots are a menace. He doesn't need to look at her to know she is shooting daggers at him right now, so he rather keeps his focus on Simon.

“Uh, yes sir, sorry,” Simon stammers and then earns almost comically outraged looks from both the girls at having called Alec ‘sir’.

Oh, this is priceless. 

Alec leans back and watches the ensuing wordless discussion, hiding his smile in his coffee cup. Maybe the morning isn't so bad after all.

~*~

Alec is just giving Clary private lessons in knife throwing when his cellphone chimes.

“Keep your elbow up,” he instructs, lifting Clary’s arm about an inch higher and she nods, adjusting her stance. He leaves her to it, stepping over to the side to fish his cellphone out of his jacket pocket.

It’s Magnus. Alec tries to squash the involuntary smile breaking out on his face, but a small glance confirms Clary is busy going over the motions, not paying any attention to Alec.

“Yeah?”

“Alexander!” Magnus voice sounds tinny over the connection, almost drowned out by the noise of traffic.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Turns out there was a slight miscommunication with my next appointment.” Magnus sounds vaguely annoyed. “This leaves me with a little over an hour with nothing to do. Since I already got dressed and left my apartment, I figured it’d be a shame to let all this effort go to waste.”

Ah, well, that explains Magnus’ sour mood. 

“Care to join me for a coffee?”

“Uh.” Alec hadn’t expected that. He’s supposed to be training with Clary and then there’s a whole stack of reports on his desk, waiting for him to go over and he’s on patrol duty later tonight, but Magnus’ offer is tempting.

“We could meet at that little coffee place right near the Institute,” Magnus suggests. It wouldn’t take Alec long to get there. He’d be gone half an hour maybe, an hour tops. Alec needs a break, anyways. He can always read those reports later tonight.

“Hold on.”

Alec cradles the phone close to his chest, muffling any sounds. “Hey Clary!”

Clary lets go of the knife too late. It spins through the air, hitting the target with the handle instead of the blade, and clatters to the ground. 

“Fuck,” Clary swears before turning around to Alec. Alec bites his lip to keep from smiling. “Yeah?”

“Think you’re good practicing without me?” Alec asks. Their hour is almost up, anyway.

She glances toward the phone in Alec’s hand, face morphing into a look of alarm. “Did something happen?”

“Nah. Everything’s cool. I just… need some fresh air.”

She stares at him for a moment, wheels spinning and Alec can practically see the moment everything clicks into place. “Oh.” She smiles at him, wide and open. “No, go. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Go.” She makes a little wave with her fingers, shooing Alec away.

Alec doesn’t know what to say, so he simply says, “Thanks.”

He grabs his jacket, lifting the phone back to his ear, and nearly jogs down the stairs.

“Tell Magnus I said hi!” Clary shouts after him and Alec can feel the blush creeping up his neck at her enthusiastic encouragement.

“Magnus?” Alec asks, unsure whether he’s still on the phone.

“Present.”

“Meet you in five?”

He can almost see the smile spreading across Magnus’ face over the phone. “See you there, angel.”

~ * ~

Alec jogs around the corner, coming to a stop in front of the coffee shop. Magnus is waiting for him outside, looking fabulous as usual. He’s clad for business, wearing a dark suit with black snakeskin lapels and his usual jumble of necklaces and rings.

“Hey,” Alec says, slightly breathless, which has everything to do with his jog and nothing to do with Magnus’ appearance.

“Hey.” Magnus’ smile is lighting up his whole face, eyes shining, looking absolutely gorgeous backlit by the early afternoon sun. The butterflies are back in Alec’s stomach in full force, doing their crazy dance.

He shoots a quick look up and down the street. There aren’t many pedestrians about and none are paying any attention to them. It’s a spur of the moment thing, a crazy impulse because Magnus is right there and Alec hasn’t seen him for almost 24 hours and he just can’t stop thinking about him. It. Their last date. That morning after. Being apart from Magnus is like torture and Alec can’t stand it anymore.

Before he can lose his nerve, he steps closer, pressing a quick kiss to Magnus’ lips. Magnus’ smile grows impossibly wider, radiating so much happiness he could put the sun out of business. Alec bites his lip, feeling giddy and whole and having a really hard time suppressing the urge to sweep Magnus off his feet and carry him off to… He quickly cuts himself off before this can get embarrassing. They’re in public after all.

“Glad you could come,” Magnus says and then darts his tongue out, wetting his lips, as if he’s chasing after Alec’s taste and Alec balls his fingers into fists, nails digging painfully into his skin to keep himself from making a spectacle of the two of them.

“You wanna, uh, should we…?” Apparently all blood has left Alec’s brain, leaving him unable to put a fucking sentence together. Good thing Magnus is almost fluent in tongue-tied Alec by now, because he simply nods and holds open the door for Alec.

“After you.”

Alec feels a little unstable on his feet, but he manages to make it inside without stumbling over the steps. Small mercies.

The inside of the coffee shop is dark compared to the bright afternoon sun outside. It’s also blissfully cool, giving Alec’s burning cheeks a chance to cool down. He looks at the menu and instantly feels overwhelmed with the plethora of options.

They’re greeted by an overly cheerful barista, rattling off the daily specials way too fast for Alec to follow.

“What will it be?” she asks, sharpie poised and ready.

Magnus steps up to the counter. “Yes, I’d like a small double shot dark roast iced vanilla latte, no whipped cream, and…” He turns around to look at Alec. “Hot or cold, darling?”

“Uh.” Alec can feel his cheeks heat up again at the endearment. “Cold.”

Alec can just catch the corners of Magnus’ mouth quirking up before he’s turned around to the barista again. “...and a large frosted cold-brew cappuccino to go, please.”

The barista nods, as if the gibberish that Magnus has just uttered makes perfect sense. Alec stands back and is silently glad not to have to deal with it.

Although when Magnus gets out his credit card to pay Alec starts to protest, but Magnus holds up his hand. “My treat. After all, it’s my fault you’re neglecting your work in favor of indulging a sad old love-sick warlock.”

Alec wants to protest that, too, but there’s so many things in that single sentence, he doesn’t even know where to start. And Magnus is right, of course. Alec is currently shirking his duties in favor of spending some time with Magnus. He’s being irresponsible again. What’s worse, Alec would do it again in a heartbeat, drop everything just to spend some time with Magnus. It’s like he’s physically incapable of saying no to Magnus.

“Now, no need to frown, love. We wouldn’t want to ruin that pretty face of yours with premature wrinkles.”

“Now you sound like Izzy.”

Magnus smirks. “Your sister is a sensible woman, then.”

He actually winks at Alec and Alec can’t help but laugh at that.

Not five minutes later they’re standing outside again, frozen coffees in hand. Alec takes a sip through his straw and is surprised to find he actually really likes it. He’ll have to ask Magnus later what he’s ordered so Alec can remember it.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Magnus asks and Alec nods.

They end up in Central Park, strolling between hordes of mundanes, mostly families, tourists and overzealous New Yorkers out for a run. Magnus links his arm with Alec’s. “So, Alexander. Tell me. How was your day?”

The day has been pretty uneventful so far, so Alec starts with the one thing that stands out. “Simon stayed at the Institute last night.”

“Oh,” Magnus says, although he doesn’t sound very surprised.

“Apparently he and Clary lost track of time so he was trapped there for the day.”

That seems to grab Magnus’ attention. “Clary?”

“Yeah. Why do you sound surprised?” Alec frowns. There had been something incredibly fishy about Simon and Clary at breakfast this morning, but he still can’t quite put his finger on it.

Magnus makes a non-committal noise in the back of his throat. Alec scrutinizes him for a second. Magnus hardly ever refrains from comment unless he’s hiding something.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Hm?” Magnus tries his best to look innocent. Definitely hiding something then. Alec stops, forcing Magnus to face him.

“Tell me.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Magnus.”

Magnus loses their staring contest after mere seconds and huffs out a sigh. “Are you sure Simon was there to see Clary?”

“No,” Alec admits. “I actually don't know why he was there. I just assumed. They had their heads stuck together at breakfast. But who else would he have been there to see?”

Magnus looks at Alec meaningfully. Alec stares back. He’s starting to feel pretty stupid here, like there’s something obvious going on that only Alec is too blind to see.

“What?” he finally snaps, when Magnus just keeps looking at him.

Magnus searches his face for a second longer before visibly giving in. “Far be it from me to spread any rumors. Remember, I was not actually there, so I have no way to know what truly transpired.”

“Magnus,” Alec warns, quickly losing his patience.

Magnus rests a placating hand on Alec’s chest. “Might it be,” Magnus muses, “that the young vampire was there to see your esteemed sister?”

“Izzy?” Alec asks, incredulous. “By why would Simon visit Izzy?”

Magnus just looks at him with a raised eyebrow and a knowledgeable look. He means… He can’t be serious.

“Izzy and Simon?!” Alec is so perplexed, he takes an instinctive step back, making Magnus’ hand slide off his chest. He’s immediately sorry for the lost contact.

Magnus just shrugs. “You might want to ask your sister about that.”

Alec frowns. He can’t quite believe it. Izzy has always been drawn towards strong men. Simon doesn’t seem to be her type at all.

“I did talk to her yesterday evening,” he says darkly, still lost in thought.

If Simon was there to see Izzy last night, why hadn’t she said anything?

“Oh?” Magnus links his arm with Alec’s again, gently nudging him down the path. Alec lets himself be dragged along, still trying to puzzle out whether Izzy could want something from Simon.

“She said you told her not to ask me any questions.”

“I did.”

“That was nice of you. Useless, but nice.”

Magnus chuckles. “So I take it Isabelle did not heed my advice?”

Alec snorts. “Hell no. I think you may have actually encouraged her.”

“Oh dear. That was not my intention.” Magnus sounds genuinely contrite.

“No, it’s fine. She’s just worried. Even Jace asked me whether you’re treating me right.”

“And am I?” Magnus asks, eyes sparkling with mirth.

Alec stops dead in their walk for the second time that day. He cradles Magnus’ cheek, making sure Magnus can see how serious he is. “Yes,” he says, thumb gently stroking over Magnus’ cheekbone, “you’re treating me better than I deserve.”

Magnus stares back at him, gazing deep into Alec’s eyes. It’s one of those moments, that calls for something more. A declaration of love, or at least a kiss. So of course, New York delivers.

“Fucking faggots!”

Alec stiffens, looking around, trying to locate whoever yelled it. His hand drops down to where he can easily reach his seraph blade tucked into the waistband of his jeans, instinctively poised for a fight. Magnus just sighs and rolls his eyes, clearly unfazed.

“America, land of the free-roaming idiots,” he mutters, not bothering to lower his voice.

“What did you say, fag?” The voice sounds a lot closer now, and a lot more menacing.

Alec turns around to see a man stalking towards them. A mundane. Alec relaxes a little, rocking back on his heels. He's not afraid of mundanes. The man’s not very tall but nearly twice as heavy as Alec, with the short, stout figure that makes Alec think of a bulldog.

“Oh honey, why don’t you move along?” Magnus asks the bulldog, entirely unperturbed. In fact, Alec has the distinct suspicion Magnus is laying it on extra thick. “I may like dicks but unfortunately you are the wrong kind.”

Alec nearly chokes, trying to stifle his surprised laughter. The man looks between them, suddenly a lot less sure of himself. Alec stares him down, unimpressed. He’s not out for a fight but he’s got no qualms defending himself. Between Magnus and Alec, that guy doesn’t stand a chance in hell.

The bulldog seems determined to give it one more try. “You’re disgusting, you shit-stabbing little pansy boy.”

Magnus laughs, but it sounds more like he’s pitying the other man. “Please. That’s the best you can come up with? I’ve been called worse by better. Why don’t you run off and come back when you’ve thought of something clever? Hm?”

Seeing that he can’t get a rise out of the two and obviously unwilling to throw the first punch (shame, Alec wouldn’t have minded an excuse to take that guy down a notch or three), the guy starts to retreat, muttering further slurs under his breath. Alec nearly chokes again when he sees the back of the guy’s leather jacket, now adorned with two huge interlocked male symbols made out of sparkly pink sequins.

“Did you just…?” he asks Magnus, trying hard to contain his laughter.

“I admit nothing!” Magnus says, grinning mischievously from ear to ear. He drops the smile a second later, mustering Alec with a concerned gaze. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly.

It's a small gesture, but it sends the butterflies in Alec's stomach into a tizzy nonetheless. Weirdly enough, that mundane asshole has left Alec completely cold. He had expected the other guy’s words to hurt, to dredge up bad memories. It hadn’t.

Maybe it was seeing how calm and unaffected Magnus had been. Maybe it was Alec’s newfound resolve to put those thoughts behind him. Or maybe it was just too difficult to feel bad about himself while he was laughing his ass off. Either way, Alec’s almost surprised to find that he doesn't give a rat's ass what some random stranger thinks about him and Magnus.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

And just like that, Magnus' good mood is back. “Now, where were we?”

And before Alec can say or do anything, Magnus has grabbed him by his collar and proceeds to, as he might put it, snog the living daylights out of Alec. Right there in Central Park, on a sunny Thursday afternoon. After they’ve just been verbally attacked by a homophobic asshole.

Alec opens his mouth, trying to say something, but all he gets out is a muffled “mggnf” as Magnus takes his open lips as an invitation to plunge his tongue into Alec’s mouth. Alec grabs Magnus’ shoulders, but he doesn’t have the heart to actively push his boyfriend away from himself. Left with no further options, he resigns, kissing Magnus back.

Magnus makes this triumphant noise and Alec would roll his eyes if he didn’t have them closed right now. Sometimes Magnus is truly insufferable.

The kiss is perfect, sexy and hot and Magnus tastes addictingly like the coffee they just had. Alec gets lost in it, in the slide of their tongues against each other, the sweet nip of Magnus’ lips and the slight rasp of his stubble grazing Alec’s cheek. Alec could happily spend the rest of his life kissing Magnus. Except...

“Magnus,” Alec hisses.

“Mmmh?” Magnus hums, unwilling to leave off kissing Alec.

“Magnus,” Alec hisses again, this time more insistent. Magnus finally gets the message, drawing away enough to look at Alec. “We need to stop.”

“Why?” Magnus asks, sounding almost petulant.

“We’re in public.”

“So?”

How is Magnus, usually the most observant person Alec knows, so incredibly dense right now? Alec doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe Magnus is having him on. But even Magnus wouldn’t be that cruel.

“I’m—you’re giving me…” He breaks off, frustrated, but thankfully Magnus seems to have cleared his brain enough to put two and two together. His eyes go comically wide as he eyes Alec’s crotch with interest.

And then he just keeps staring at it.

Alec slaps Magnus’ shoulder in a desperate bid to get him to stop. Magnus looks at him, biting his lip and scrunching up his nose in that way that says he’s trying really hard right now not to laugh.

Alec hates his life.

“This is all your fault!”

“Indeed,” Magnus says in a way that implies he feels rather proud of this accomplishment.

Alec wants to murder him.

Magnus thinks for a second. “Cold water? Should we sit down? Oh, I know,” he smirks triumphantly, “think of your parents.”

Alec opens his mouth to protest, but shuts it again without saying anything. The thought of his mother’s disapproval if she knew Alec was out in Central Park, publicly making out with _‘that warlock of yours’_ in favor of being the responsible son who puts his duty to his family above everything else, is surprisingly effective. Alec shudders at the thought. He can practically feel Maryse’s disappointed stare on him.

“That effective, eh?” Magnus asks, sympathetic. “Your mother is a scary woman.”

Alec just nods, relieved that the crisis is averted, even if the thoughts of his mother did kill the mood as thoroughly as his little problem.

~*~

“You were telling me about your talk with Izzy before we got so rudely interrupted,” Magnus says conversationally. They’re on their way back, but instead of having their arms linked like before, Alec has intertwined his fingers with Magnus’. He’s walking through New York holding hands with his boyfriend and Alec has to admit it feels pretty great.

“I’m surprised you didn’t give her the full scoop when you called her.”

“I would never divulge anything I did not feel comfortable you wanted me to share, Alexander.” Magnus gently admonishes Alec for the insinuation.

“It might have made it easier if you actually did, though.”

Magnus squeezes Alec’s hand in lieu of an answer, encouraging him to go on.

“She wanted to know everything. I told her I made a fool out of myself, making you laugh so hard you ruined your makeup.”

Magnus smiles at the memory.

“Nearly ruined her makeup, too. Of course that wasn’t what she wanted to hear. But I—I just can’t talk to her about these things. She’s my sister, Magnus. I braided her hair when she was little.”

“You know how to braid?” Magnus asks, astonished, and then tries to cover up his blunder by becoming suddenly very interested in his fingernails. Alec has no idea how he does it, but Magnus’ whole body seems to say ‘I don’t know what you’re looking at me for, I totally wasn’t just asking an inane question that was completely beside the point’.

In an attempt to save them both their dignities, Alec lets it go.

Alec could almost pretend this whole moment never happened if Magnus didn’t squeeze his hand as a silent apology. Alec squeezes back. They walk in silence for a moment, side by side, each lost in their thoughts.

Eventually Magnus hums, breaking out of it. “What about Jace? Can you talk to him?”

“Before, maybe.” They had been pretty close, once. (Of course, that was when Alec thought he was in love with Jace, so it’s not like they ever talked about it.) “But ever since the…” Alec breaks off, unsure what to call the incident. Ever since he’s weakened their bond, things haven’t been quite the same. Ever since Clary showed up, really, but Alec knows he’s being unfair, pinning this on her. Magnus nods, showing Alec that he understands.

“Do you feel the need to talk with somebody about this?” Magnus asks quietly.

Alec takes a moment to think. “I don’t, actually. I don’t wanna share what we have with anybody else.”

Magnus looks at Alec and there it is, that small, sincere smile that Alec hasn’t seen Magnus show anyone else. The smile that is just his. Alec’s smile. Magnus raises their linked hands, pressing a quick kiss to Alec’s knuckles.

“Then we won’t,” Magnus says softly. It sounds like a promise.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _All Alec wanted was to spend some time with his boyfriend. And the date had been great. In fact, Alec’s whole day has been pretty awesome so far and now Jace’s gotta come in here and ruin everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's the thing. This chapter wasn't supposed to exist. I had the story all fledged out (okay, I had some scattered chapter fragments all written down and things, who am I kidding, there is no plot), but then Jace acted all strange in chapter 12 and you guys all wanted to know what was up. And my betas agreed. So I finally caved and wrote some gapfillers for my own fic. Hence this chapter. And then the whole pacing of the fic was off, so there's another interim chapter following after this. Which I still have to finish writing. (It's not my fault, these boys just never behave the way I plan for them!) And because I need more time to finish that one and this whole chapter got way too long anyways, I cheated and cut this chapter in half. So this is technically chapter 14.1, and there's a second part following soon (I'm shooting for end of June, fingers crossed), which will technically be chapter 14.2, but ao3 dosesn't label things like that so we'll call it chapter 15. Have I sufficiently confused everyone? Great! This was just me in a long and rambly way saying thank you all for leaving feedback on my fic and making me write more stuff. You guys are awesome. <3
> 
> Warnings in this chapter for discussion of homophobia, homophobic slurs, and lots of cursing.

Alec walks back into the Institute with a huge smile on his face. They had kissed goodbye on the old church steps, Alec standing a step above Magnus so he'd had to bend down. Magnus had gone up on tiptoes more than once, chasing after Alec's lips even as he'd been the one on a schedule, needing to get to his next meeting. If he closes his eyes, Alec can still feel the ghost of Magnus’ lips on his, hear the echo of his laughter as they had stuck together like glue, unable to tear themselves apart.

They had stood on the steps for a small eternity, trading kisses as if this was the end. Alec’s arms had been on Magnus’ shoulders as Magnus’ hands stole up to wrap around Alec's waist, cheekily sliding beneath his jacket to press against the small of his back with only the thin fabric of his shirt between them. Alec's skin still tingles from the warmth of Magnus’ hands, making it hard to concentrate on anything else.

He yearns for Magnus, an ache so acute he can feel it all throughout his body. That burning need to be close to Magnus, to see him again, _right now_. It doesn’t matter that they just said goodbye and already made plans for the evening, so they only have the few hours in between to get through. Any time apart at all is torture.

Alec wants nothing more than to blow everybody off and spend the day with Magnus wandering the streets like they had, peering into shop windows and figuring out what was the most expensive item on display, the most inappropriate Christmas gift, the one thing they'd buy for each other. Alec had basked in Magnus’ presence, soaked up every little detail like a sponge, from the fact that Magnus liked hazelnut ice cream to the press of Magnus’ rings where their fingers were linked together.

“Come over tonight?” Magnus had asked, murmured between kisses as they stood in the middle of the sidewalk, studiously ignoring the disgruntled people having to step around them.

“I've got shift tonight,” Alec had answered, capturing Magnus’ bottom lip between his.

“Mmh, come over after.”

“It'll be late.”

“I don't care. I want you there.”

“Yeah?” Alec had breathed, and Magnus had looked at him, like Alec was everything, and breathed, “Yeah.”

Alec had kissed him then, had had to kiss him because there were too many things running through him, things Alec didn't have the words for to express, so he'd put them all into the kiss, poured them all in there lest he burst from happiness. “I'll be there.”

Kissing Magnus is the worst drug ever invented and Alec is hopelessly addicted. Addicted to Magnus’ presence, the feeling of his muscular body pressed against Alec’s, his eyes, his smile, his warm laugh at Alec's biting jokes, his gentle hands, his raspy voice after they had kissed for too long, the way he’d close his eyes and breathe Alec’s name just before claiming Alec’s mouth again, how he’d slide a hand into Alec’s hair and arch into it as Alec kissed a line down his neck, the sounds Magnus made, little sighs and moans that dripped over Alec’s skin like honey, his smell, just... _everything_.

Just a few hours. All Alec has to get through is a few hours. He can do it. Read some reports, go on patrol, just get the rest of the day over with and they can be together again. Not in public this time, but in Magnus’ loft, where they will be undisturbed, where they can do anything they want to…

Just then Alec's phone vibrates in his pocket. It's a message from Magnus.

_Miss you already, hotshot. Can't wait for tonight._

There's even a little kissy face smiley winking at Alec and Alec can't help the laugh. Magnus is probably still standing outside on the steps with his cellphone. Alec resists the urge to open the door and check. Instead he leans back against it, typing out a response.

_Stop distracting us both and get to work. The sooner we're done, the sooner we'll see each other again._

He hesitates for a moment before adding _Miss you, too_ and a little pink heart emoji, and then quickly sends the message before he can think better of it.

Alec lets his head fall back against the door, staring at nothing in particular. It's ridiculous. They are being absolutely ridiculous and even though Alec is perfectly aware of it, he can't help it. He feels bubbly inside, like a strange sort of intoxicated, goofy and elated and Alec would hug the world if he could. It's stupid. He feels filled to the brim, like his insides are doing a constant happy dance, his heart and his stomach twirling in mad circles and the only way to let it out is to laugh or smile or possibly shout it from the rooftops. It's impossible to resist. He feels happy.

And then Jace rounds the corner, striding purposefully towards Alec. Alec pockets his cellphone and pushes off the door, walking towards Jace. The closer the gets, the better he can make out the pissed off look on Jace’s face. Alec can feel his good mood evaporating quickly.

They meet just at the entrance to the great hall.

“Where’ve you been?” The way Jace says it turns it more into an accusation than a question.

Alec’s immediately got his hackles up. “Out.”

“Out,” Jace parrots, clearly waiting for more.

It’s no secret where Alec has been, but to hell with that. “Yes, Jace. Out. Given that I’m not under house arrest, it’s really none of your business where I’ve been, so...”

He tries to walk past Jace, into the hall, but he barely makes it a couple of steps before Jace steps in front of him, cutting Alec off.

Jace narrows his eyes. “Clary said you cut her training short.”

Is that what this is about? That can’t be it.

Alec shrugs. Yeah, he had, by like five minutes. It’s not like Clary needed him there. Alec fails to see why Jace is making a big deal out of this, but he’s seriously starting to get annoyed right now. “Is there a problem?”

Jace draws himself up to his full height, crossing his arms in front of his chest. It’s less than menacing, given that it’s Jace, so he’s still a couple inches shorter than Alec. “What if she'd gotten hurt?”

Alec raises his eyebrows. Where the hell is this coming from? “She's a big girl, Jace, she can handle herself.”

Jace doesn’t budge an inch. “What if something else had happened?”

Why is Jace hounding him like this? Alec can feel his patience slipping fast.

“Nothing happened,” he bites out tersely, silently willing Jace to let this go. Alec knows nothing happened, because someone would have contacted him. He'd had his cell phone on loud just in case and there had been no messages waiting for him when he texted with Magnus.

All Alec wanted was to spend some time with his boyfriend. And the date had been great. In fact, Alec’s whole day has been pretty awesome so far and now Jace’s gotta come in here and ruin everything.

“Marco and Raj got into a fight. You should have been there.”

Jace has got some nerve, standing here utterly serious, staring at Alec like he’s some kind of traitor. For what, being happy for once in his life? Fuck that. Fuck _Jace_.

It’s like Jace’s actively searching for shit to hurl at Alec and all he can come up with are these nonsense trivialities. Yes, technically the Head of the Institute is the one settling disputes among Shadowhunters, but Marco and Raj fight like every other day. It’s not a big deal. Alec's sure everybody handled it just fine without him intervening.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Alec steps closer, getting all up in Jace’s face. He’s so not in the mood for Jace’s antics right now. 

Jace’s such a hypocrite, too. Jace himself has done the exact same thing countless times before, even sneaking out of the Institute after curfew. All Alec did was leave for a couple of hours during the day, and suddenly that’s not okay?

Hell, no.

“I went out. Now I’m back. Nothing happened. End of story.”

Alec can see a couple of heads turning in their direction. Great. The one thing he needs right now is an audience.

Jace doesn’t seem to notice, though. He stares Alec down defiantly. “You can’t just run off whenever you feel like it. You’ve got a duty, Alec. To the Institute and to the Clave—”

_Duty!_

Rage is a boiling liquid, hot and molten in his gut, threatening to spill over any second.

“Seriously?!”

“—To your family. To us. _We’re_ your family. You belong _here_. With us.”

Alec clamps down hard on the instinct to draw back and clock Jace in the face.

“And what the fuck do you know about family or duty, Jace? You of all people.” Alec’s raising his voice, drawing even more attention to them, but he’s too preoccupied keeping this from turning physical to care too much about that. 

It’s impossible to stay calm in the face of that much audacity. And from Jace, too. He always knew how to get under Alec’s skin, kick him where it hurts. Alec just never expected this kind of backstabbing from him.

“You’re the first one to run away when things get tough. I’ve been here. Every. Single. Day. I’ve done _everything_.”

Jace, never one to back down from a fight, especially not one he started, shouts right back. “Where were you today, then? Where were you the night before last? All those other times you suddenly disappeared?”

“I’m not your prisoner! I’m allowed to have a life.”

Alec would have expected something like this from his parents. They’re always hounding him, telling him how he isn’t good enough. Alec gets it. He’s accepted he’ll never live up to their expectations. But to hear all this from Jace? It hurts. And it makes Alec angry beyond belief.

“ _This_ is your life, Alec!” Jace gestures wildly, indicating everything around them. “You need to stop thinking with your dick and start acting like a Shadowhunter. What if we need you here the next time you’re gone?”

“It’s called a cell phone, Jace. You pick it up and call me!”

“Oh yeah? We shouldn't have to call you, Alec. You should have been here, instead of shirking your duties, running around with that…” He pulls back at the last second, but it's already too late.

Rage is a white hot blanket, engulfing Alec. “That what, Jace? Huh? _Say it._ ”

Jace remains stubbornly silent, jaw working as his eyes spew bloody murder at Alec, but Alec knows Jace too well not to know exactly what was on his mind.

“That Downworlder? That fucking faggot? That shit-stabbing little pansy boy that I go out with?” 

Alec knows he’s screaming, he’s dimly aware of the crowd they’ve drawn, but he’s well beyond caring. He’s aware of the whispers, the conversations that abruptly stop when he walks into a room, the sideway glances in the hallways, the disgusted sneers behind his back.

He just never thought Jace would be one of them. That he’d betray Alec like that.

And yet here they are.

It hurts to realize that in the end, Jace is just like that man in the park today.

Well fuck them all.

Alec is done apologizing for who he is, and he’ll be damned if he ever lets anybody tell him that what he and Magnus have is anything but real and good and _right_.

“I’ve got news for you,” Alec looks around, at their little circle of bystanders, “and everyone else who has a problem with that. I’m with Magnus now, and that’s not going to change just because some bigoted, homophobic assholes like you don’t like it. So deal with it.” Alec turns back to Jace. “And that includes you.”

Jace looks like he might want to say something, but Alec’s had enough for one day. “Now get out of my face.”

He bodily shoves past Jace, who is too stunned to put up any resistance. Alec can feel all eyes on him as he crosses the great hall, taking the stairs that lead to the offices.

Nobody’s said a word.

Alec’s sure the frozen silence won’t last long. Within the hour, the whole Institute will have heard about it.

He turns around at the top of the stairs, surveying the room. There’s roughly twenty people scattered about, all staring at Alec more or less openly. Not one of them will meet his eye.

Not even Jace.

Alec scoffs. He doesn’t bother muting the sarcasm dripping through his next words. “Anybody needs me, I’m in my office.”

~*~

There’s a soft knock on the door. Alec looks up from his tablet where he’s been reading reports for the last hour. Or more accurately, reading the same report over and over again, because he just can’t seem to focus. His thoughts keep spinning back to that fight with Jace…

It’s the first time someone has disturbed him since the scene in the great hall. Maybe a break will do him good.

“Come in,” he calls, curious to see who’s brave enough to stick their head into the dragon’s den.

It’s Izzy.

Go figure. Alec only wonders whether she got sent ahead by the others, or whether she made the decision on her own. 

She sticks her head in first, as if to see whether the coast is clear or if Alec is still in berserk mode. When she sees him watching her, her smile grows a shade self-conscious.

“Hey there, brother.” She steps inside, quietly closing the door behind her, but she doesn’t step over towards Alec yet, remaining at the door.

Alec puts down his tablet on the desk in front of him. “It’s okay, I don’t bite.”

“Are you sure? Word on the street is you teared everyone apart.”

Alec rolls his eyes. He doesn’t even want to imagine what the true word on the street is right now. “The rumors are greatly exaggerated.”

“Somehow,” Isabelle says, sitting down in the chair opposite Alec and neatly folding her legs, “I doubt that.”

“Oh yeah? I don’t see any blood around here. Do you?”

“Hmm,” she says, pretending to look around when she’s really smiling at him, “you’ve always been the best at covering your tracks. I wouldn’t be surprised if we never find Jace’s body.”

“You ever need help, I know a guy… Could make any body disappear just like that,” he says, snapping his fingers.

“Speaking of which—”

Ah crap. He stepped right into that one.

“—how is Magnus?” Izzy watches him like a hawk.

“Fine, last I heard from him.”

“Hmm. And when was that?”

Two hours, forty-six minutes and approximately twenty seconds ago.

Alec quickly glances away from the clock, crossing his arms over his chest. “What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?”

Izzy simply ignores his comment, still staring at Alec like the key to his thoughts is hidden on his face. “But everything’s fine between you two? Nothing happened?”

With Magnus? Things have never been better. “Why would you think that?”

“Well, the way you blew up in there…,” she trails off, sending him a meaningful glance instead.

“I blew up at Jace because he was being an ass.”

Izzy shrugs. “He looked pretty contrite just now.”

Alec finds that hard to believe. “Jace. Contrite.”

“I don't think he meant to hurt you,” Izzy says. It feels weird, this role reversal. Usually Alec is the one intervening with Izzy on Jace’s behalf.

All the rage Alec had felt in the great hall hasn’t evaporated. Instead, it has slowly cooled into this cold, hard lump, sitting inside his chest now. Alec resists the urge to touch his chest, as if he can just massage it away, and leans forward onto the desk instead. “Then what was that in there, Izzy?”

“You don't honestly believe he has something against you being with Magnus?”

Does he? Before, Alec would have easily agreed to that, but after today he’s not so sure anymore.

“I don't know, Izzy. The things he said…” Alec trails off. Some of them had cut pretty deep. Whether Jace truly feels like that or not, Alec knows that a lot of the other Shadowhunters do. Including their parents. It makes sense Jace would feel the same.

Izzy smoothes down her skirt, settling back in her armchair. “You remember when Jace first came into our family?”

Alec frowns. He's got no idea where Izzy is going with this. “Course I do.”

“You instantly became best buddies. You two were inseparable practically from the moment we met. He even kicked me out of my bed.”

“He did not kick you out. You got your own room, Izzy, just like you always wanted.”

Izzy had been over the moon to finally get a whole room all to herself. She had been bugging their parents for months over it, even before Jace showed up. So when Jace joined their family, their parents figured it was better for the two boys to room together. It had seemed like the perfect solution.

Izzy’s smile seems tinged with sadness. “Yeah, but now you two were sharing one. And I was…” She cuts herself off, hanging after the thought but clearly unwilling to voice it.

When she speaks again, it’s halting. “Before, it always used to be the two of us. And I like Jace, love him like a brother, but… There were times where it was... hard, not to feel resentful of him.” She looks up at Alec. “For taking you away from me.”

Alec opens his mouth, knows he should say something, but the words elude him. He’s never known Izzy felt like this. It’s ridiculous. Just because he and Jace became best friends didn’t mean he loved Izzy any less.

“Jace… I…” It surprises Alec, the pang of guilt. This feeling that somehow he had failed her in not noticing. All those years. “Do you still feel that way?”

“No,” she says. It sounds more like ‘sometimes’.

Shit.

“I— I’m sorry, Izzy. It’s not... I love you.” Alec looks at her, desperate, trying to make her understand. “You know that, right?”

“‘Course I do.” She gives him a smile, but it’s there and gone again. “I’m just saying, I learned to share you a long time ago, brother.” She purses her lips. “Jace…”

“Are you seriously telling me Jace is the one being wronged here, Izzy?”

She looks at him sharply. “I’m not assigning blame, this isn’t about…” She breaks off, trying another approach. “Look. All I’m saying is that he’s having a hard time adjusting to this. You and Magnus being together. It’s new for all of us.”

“What, you think this is easy for me?”

“I didn’t say that, Alec. I’m just trying to show you where he’s coming from.”

“Oh yeah? Well he can take his return ticket to asshole land and get the fuck out of my face.”

They stare at each other for a second, letting those words sink in and oh God, Alec hadn’t meant it like that, it’s just…

Izzy breaks first, bursting into laughter and Alec isn’t far behind. Dammit. It’s hard to stay angry when you’re laughing like that. Alec has no idea how she does it, but somehow Izzy usually finds a way to make him feel better.

“Seriously, though, Alec. You should cut him some slack. Finding out that he and Clary are brother and sister and then seeing you and Magnus happy and in love…”

“So sorry I’m happy for once,” Alec mutters darkly, before he can stop himself.

“ _Alec._ ” Izzy can sound almost as reproachful as their mother sometimes. It’s kinda frightening.

Alec shrugs his acquiescence, but he cannot help the small eyeroll even as he does it. Luckily for him, Izzy lets it slide.

“All I’m saying is, Jace might be feeling a little resentment towards Magnus the same way I felt towards Jace back then. It’s nothing personal. Don’t hold it against him.”

And that’s when it finally clicks. When Alec finally gets what Izzy has been trying to tell him.

“Wait, wait, so you’re saying... You think he’s _jealous_? Of Magnus?” Alec gets that Izzy had been feeling that way, when they were kids back then, but… Jace? Now? That thought is so far out there, it never even crossed Alec’s mind until now.

Izzy shrugs. “He’s never had anybody else to contend with. Jace used to be the center of your universe. And now… he’s not.”

Alec scowls. Jace was never the center of his universe.

“Well, then he’s just gonna have to get used to that. Jace doesn’t own me and if he thinks I’m giving up Magnus for him…”

“Nobody asked you to,” Izzy interjects.

“Then what do you want me to do?” Alec asks, frustrated.

“Talk to him,” Izzy says. Like that’s so easy. “Tell Jace you still love him. Spend some time with him. When’s the last time you two did anything outside of a mission together?”

Alec realizes with a pang that he can’t actually remember the last time they’ve been out shooting pool together or even just had a target practice. It must have been some time before that whole Clary Valentine mess had started. Back when things between him and Jace had still been normal, been okay.

Izzy looks at him triumphantly. “My point exactly.” And then she adds, a little softer, “You have been gone an awful lot lately.”

Alec mulls this over. Perhaps he has been letting things between Jace and him slide a little bit. It’s just hard, when every cell in Alec’s body is yearning for Magnus each time they are apart. He wants to spend as much time with Magnus as he can. With things between Jace and him being what they are, it had been easier to just avoid Jace altogether. And it’s not like Jace had fallen over himself to get Alec’s attention. He’d been much too busy chasing after Clary and the Cup. Maybe Izzy’s right, though, maybe they just need to spend more time together again.

“I’ll think about it,” Alec says, but he can tell from the way Izzy is grinning at him that she’s won this round.

They both get up, stepping around the desk so Alec can engulf her in a hug. She leans her head against his chest and Alec presses his cheek against her hair. “You’ll always be my sister.”

She hugs him a little tighter at that. “Just make things right with Jace. I don’t like my two big brothers fighting.”

Alec’s got no idea how he’ll accomplish that. “I’ll try.”

Izzy peels herself out of the hug to poke him in the chest. “You better.”

She’s almost at the door, when she turns around again. “Oh, and Alec? One more thing.”

“Hm?” Alec looks up as he falls back into the chair behind his desk.

“The way you told everybody off who thinks you and Magnus don’t belong together?” She grins at him, feral glint in her eyes. “You go, bro. That was _epic_.”

Alec hides the embarrassed blush creeping up his neck with an eyeroll, but he can’t fight the warmth spreading through his chest at his sister’s words. It’s good to know she’ll always be on his side. “Get outta here.”

She winks at him, and then she’s gone.

Alec stares at the door for a moment longer, lost in thought. He knows he’s got to fix things with Jace. He just wishes he knew how.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“So what's up?” Jace asks, stuffing the phone back in his pocket._
> 
> _“Nothing. Figured we could go grab a bite to eat or shoot some pool if you wanted to.” Alec tries hard to make it sound casual, which probably means he misses it by miles. Oh well._
> 
> _Jace looks surprised by the offer, like he isn't quite sure what to make of it. “Yeah, uhm… Sounds good.”_
> 
> _Well, at least Jace doesn't sound convincing either._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, just under the deadline (*wipes sweat from brow* why does June have to be so short?), I present to you chapter 14.2. Unfortunately, the next chapter still isn't quite finished, so with beta it will probably take at least a month to get this one out and posted. I'm working on it! Promise.
> 
> Eternal thanks as always go to my kick-ass betas D, Lu and Schrehn. <3
> 
> Warnings in this chapter again for discussion of homophobia and strong language.

With things being as they are, it's a couple of days before Alec manages to catch Jace alone. They haven't really talked, nothing besides an awkward, half-apology that got cut short by the alarms blaring, demanding all hands on deck, and the unspoken agreement to postpone this to some other time. Ever since then, it's only been shop talk and Alec has been feeling kind of bad, but not bad enough to cancel a date with Magnus for this. Tonight, though, Magnus has a warlock council meeting that he's expecting to run late and Jace and Alec are both off duty by six, so it's as good an opportunity as any.

When Alec steps up to Jace's door, it's half open. Jace is lying on his bed, playing with his cell phone, look of utter concentration on his face. At first Alec thinks he's texting, but then he hears the noises that sound suspiciously like Candy Crush.

Busted.

Alec bites his cheek to keep from smirking and knocks on the door. There's a sound like bubbles popping followed by a piano riff Alec knows all too well. Jace throws away the phone in disgust before looking up.

“Oh, hey.” He immediately sits up a little straighter, looking at Alec with what almost seems like trepidation. Like Alec might storm in there and physically attack him or something. Alec tries hard to ignore the sting of that thought.

“Jellyfish giving you a hard time?” Alec asks.

“What?” Jace looks confused for a second before cottoning on. “No, it's the— I mean, I wasn't playing that game, I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Alec allows a small grin to break through. “Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.”

“How did you even...?” Jace asks, looking between Alec and his phone.

Alec shrugs. “It's kind of addicting,” he admits.

“Ha, betcha I beat your high score.”

“Probably,” Alec agrees easily. It's not like he plays it obsessively. The game is kind of addicting, but so are other things in Alec's life right now. Or rather, other people. Well, really just this one person. Anyway.

“So what's up?” Jace asks, stuffing the phone back in his pocket.

“Nothing. Figured we could go grab a bite to eat or shoot some pool if you wanted to.” Alec tries hard to make it sound casual, which probably means he misses it by miles. Oh well.

Jace looks surprised by the offer, like he isn't quite sure what to make of it. “Yeah, uhm… Sounds good.”

Well, at least Jace doesn't sound convincing either.

“Cool.” Alec nods. “You wanna do it now or…?”

“Now’s fine.” Jace practically scrambles off his bed, and then nearly disappears below it, hunting for his shoes. It leaves Alec with, uhm, quite the view of Jace's ass.

Alec turns around, suddenly embarrassed.

“Meet you downstairs?” He asks. He'll have to grab his own stuff before they leave, anyway.

Jace's voice sounds kind of muffled from below the bed. “Yeah, go ahead, be right there.”

Alec nods, then remembers that Jace can't see him right now and simply turns around, heading to his room.

~*~

They end up at the Hunter's Moon, grabbing a table near the back. It’s full without being crowded, the sort of nice middle ground where there’s enough people for you to blend in and not get noticed without it becoming oppressive.

“You want a drink?” Jace asks, tapping the table.

Alec eyes Jace up, but in the end he can’t resist the temptation. “You brought your ID?”

It’s a dig at that time they went out just after Jace had turned 21 and Jace had offered to buy a round for the whole table. He’d returned from the bar empty handed and rather sheepishly, having to admit that he forgot his ID at home and the bartender wouldn’t submit to his wily charms. It had been pretty priceless, seeing the usually overconfident Jace shot down like that. They haven’t let him forget it since.

Instead of an answer, Jace simply flicks Alec the bird, along with a dirty look. Alec laughs.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” he shouts after the retreating Jace.

Jace simply raises his hand and waves at Alec. Alec’s got no idea whether that means he’ll get anything at all. He takes out his cell phone, shooting Magnus a quick text.

_Out with Jace. Wish me luck. Hope your meeting isn’t too boring._

The reply comes almost immediately, making the phone vibrate in Alec’s hands.

_Any day without a glimpse of your lovely face is excruciating. Why must you torment me so, Alexander? Have fun with Jace._

Magnus can be such a drama queen sometimes, and yet Alec basks in the warmth those words send through him. Magnus misses him. Alec chews his lips, debating over his answer.

_It was you who insisted on going to that meeting. Don’t they say absence makes the heart grow fonder?_

He waits, nervously, wondering whether that came out too harsh. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to wait long.

_I rely on you to disabuse me of such foolish notions, dear. I don’t think my heart can stand to grow any fonder of you. It shall be my demise._

Yeah, right. Alec’s dimly aware he must look like a loon, grinning at his cell phone like that, but it’s impossible to stop. Not when his heart is beating in his chest, longing for Magnus with every pulse.

_I sincerely hope you’ll survive the night, or I’ll have to find someone else to check out that new sushi bar with me._

Alec can perfectly imagine Magnus’ fake affronted gasp at that. He looks up, but Jace is still busy at the bar, flirting with the bartender no doubt. His phone buzzes, startling Alec.

_You certainly know how to motivate a guy._

Texting with Magnus is both more nerve-wracking and easier than talking face to face, because you have to wait for the answers, but it also makes Alec a little more daring than he’d usually be.

_One of my many hidden talents. You make it till tomorrow, you might discover more of them._

Magnus’ answer to that one makes him giggle.

_Stop making me swoon in front of my colleagues, Alexander, it’s unbecoming._

Alec can see Jace making his way back to the table now.

_Gotta go, anyways, Jace’s back. See you tomorrow._

Magnus’ answer reaches Alec at the same time as Jace. He quickly glances at the _Can’t wait, babe_ with way too many smileys attached to it before stuffing the phone in his pocket.

When he looks up, there’s a thundercloud on Jace’s face. Jace doesn’t say anything though, content to just stare at Alec disapprovingly as he sits down at their table. Alec’s not sure why Jace is upset, but if it were about something that happened while he got their drinks, he’d be ranting at Alec right now. His silence means this hostility is actually aimed at Alec.

Great. Alec’s smile dies on his lips, his good cheer gone. Somehow that always seems to happen lately when Jace is around. It’s almost like Jace hates seeing Alec happy. Or maybe he just hates the reason for it.

Alec crosses his arms over his chest. If what Izzy had said were true, Jace should be happy right now instead of staring daggers at Alec. After all, they’re spending time together. Isn’t that what Izzy claimed Jace wanted? Must not be true, then.

Jace slides a glass in front of Alec that looks like coke, but when Alec tastes it, it's kind of weird, like there's something else in there. Alec makes a face and grabs Jace’s drink. Maybe Jace got them mixed up.

Nope. No. Jace’s drink tastes just the same as Alec’s. Not exactly horrible, like some of the stuff Magnus makes him try, but just… weird.

“They’re both rum and coke, Alec. Stop being such a pussy.” Jace looks at him like Alec’s being an idiot.

Alec can feel his hackles rising. “I’m not being a pussy.”

They stare at each other over their drinks, silently warring with each other.

Great. Just great. They’ve made it for like five minutes and Alec can already feel this sliding sideways, morphing into something, into a… a _thing_ when it shouldn’t be. This was supposed to clear the air between them, not create more bad blood. Izzy is gonna have his balls if they end up fighting again. Probably both their balls, actually. Wouldn’t be the first time she’s coerced them into making up.

“Listen—” Alec says at the same time as Jace says “I’m—” and then it’s another awkward handwave moment of ‘you go first’, ‘no, you go first’ until Alec relents.

“I didn’t come here to fight, Jace, so can we just…” Alec shrugs, unsure what he actually came here for.

“Okay, okay. No need to get your panties all in a twist.”

_Really?!_

It’s like there’s a stranger sitting in front of Alec. They used to be so close, always had each other’s backs, but now… Alec doesn’t even recognize his brother anymore. It’s like Jace has turned into their parents, all snide remarks and disapproving looks. And frankly, after their last fight, Alec’s done taking shit from Jace.

He came here to salvage some piece of their friendship, but maybe there’s nothing left to salvage.

Alec’s just about to give Jace a piece of his mind, but Jace immediately leans back, lazily holding up his hands. “Sorry. Geez, you’re touchy today. Didn’t mean it like that, bro.”

Jace makes this ‘aw shucks’ gesture, a sort of one-sided shrug with a smirk. Like it’s no big deal. Like this is all a big joke to him.

“How did you mean it, then?” Alec asks, but he’s not really waiting for an answer. He’s at the end of his patience with Jace. “I didn’t come here to fight, Jace, but I also didn’t come here to listen to your homophobic slurs. So I think I’ll just go.”

“Woah, Alec, stop, would you just—” Jace grabs Alec’s wrist just as Alec is about to get up. The touch catches Alec off guard, stilling him in his tracks. They used to be in each other’s space all the time, but now it’s like there’s this invisible barrier between them. Jace stares up at him, pleading. “Sit down. You wanted to talk, so let’s… let’s talk.”

Alec stands there for another second, chewing on his cheek. Jace seems sincere, but then he’s always been good at getting people to do what he wants them to do. 

“Fine,” Alec says, as much to get Izzy off his back as to get Jace to let go of him.

Jace nods, looking almost relieved. Alec can feel his skin burning where Jace’s fingers were circled around it. He grabs his drink, taking a big gulp. It still tastes funny, but right now Alec doesn’t really care.

He looks at Jace expectantly. “So talk.”

Now that they’re sitting down again, Jace is starting to look uncomfortable. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to make you upset. But you gotta— Would you just stop it with calling me a homophobe?”

“Why?” Alec asks, not really willing to throw Jace a bone. “Does the truth make you uncomfortable?”

“It’s not the truth, okay?” Jace says forcefully. “I don’t...” It’s kind of amazing, how Jace can go from confrontational to abashed in the blink of an eye. “I don’t mind that you’re gay, Alec.”

Alec finds that a little hard to believe. Yeah, Jace had acted alright when Alec first came out, but ever since then, there’s this growing rift between them. Jace grew up hearing the same bigoted bullshit Alec had to endure. They all had. But unlike Izzy, who’s stood with Alec every step of the way, Jace hasn’t exactly been supportive lately.

“You sure have a funny way of showing it.”

Jace makes a face, something that could almost be construed as apologetic. With a lot of good will. “I swear, it’s not that, Alec. I mean, I’ve had—” He stops, suddenly, like he just realized what he was about to say.

Great. Now Alec definitely has to hear it.

“You what?”

Jace hesitates for a moment, eyes darting around as if he’s looking for some kind of escape, before giving in. “C’mon, Alec. We grew up together. You think I didn’t know?”

“You can’t have.” _Alec_ hadn’t known, for the longest time. Not for sure. Had been hoping it was just a phase. That it’d go away on his own. That it wasn’t true.

“Well, I had my suspicions. So your coming out? Didn’t exactly come as a surprise.”

Alec leans back in his chair, but Jace actually looks sincere for once. It… Actually, Jace really hadn’t acted all that surprised when Alec kissed Magnus. So if it isn’t that...

“So, what? You don’t mind it’s a guy, you just mind that it’s Magnus? A Downworlder? Congratulations, Jace, not a homophobe, just a racist.”

Well, that certainly hit a nerve. Even in the dim light back here, Jace’s face looks pretty red. It’s kind of funny. Jace looks legitimately pissed off. “For fuck’s sake, Alec, would you just stop? You know damn well I’m neither of those things, so fucking stop calling me that.”

Alec spreads his hands. “Well then what are you, Jace? Because the way you’ve been acting…”

“The way _I_ have been acting? What about the way _you’ve_ been acting, Alec?”

Oh, that’s rich. Classic Jace, turning this all around.

“I haven’t been acting any different.”

“Really?” Jace asks, and now he’s just getting started. “You’re barely around anymore, and when you are, you’re constantly on your phone or distracted, making moon eyes at nothing.”

“I don’t—” Alec starts but Jace steamrolls right over him.

“Oh, please. Don’t try to tell me you weren’t just texting with him while I was at the bar. I bet the only reason you’re here tonight is because he was busy.”

Alec flushes. He can feel it creeping up his neck, making him feel hot and sweaty. Worse yet, he feels caught out. No matter how much he wishes he could deny that, he can’t. It’s unfair, how Jace can take something that’s about him and spin and twist it all around until suddenly it’s Alec who’s the bad guy here.

“It’s not like that.” It sounds lame, even to his own ears.

“Yeah it is,” Jace says matter of factly. It’s like now that he got that off his chest, he’s his cool, collected self again. “And the real problem here is that you don’t even see it. Ever since he showed up at the wedding, all you care about is him. There’s not a single conversation where you don’t bring him up. It’s like we don’t even exist anymore.”

“ _He_ ,” Alec echoes, because it’s the one thing that stands out right now, the one thing he can focus on. He can still hear Jace screaming at him in the great hall. Hear those words. “Tell me again how you don’t have a problem with _him_. You won’t even say his name.”

Jace rolls his eyes. “That’s so not the point right now. This isn’t about him, it’s about you.”

Well, maybe for Jace it isn’t.

“What was it that you wanted to say, then? In the great hall? ‘Running around with that…’?” Alec prompts. He isn’t going to let this slide a second time.

Jace sighs, pushing a hand through his hair. “I was angry, okay? I didn’t mean what I said back then, and I’m sorry. That what you want to hear?”

Originally, Alec had been kind of hoping for an apology, but it’s definitely not what’s on his mind right now. “I want to hear you say his name.”

“Alec—”

“ _Say it._ ”

“By the angel… Magnus Hieronymus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, Prince of Hell, summoner of greater demons, owner of Pandemonium, inventor of portals, best dressed warlock in all of Idris. Magnus, your boyfriend or partner or whatever you wanna call it. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Happy now?”

Jace stares at him and as much as Alec tries, he can’t keep his stern face from cracking. “Best dressed warlock in all of Idris? I’ll tell him you said that.”

“Fuck you,” Jace growls, but it lacks conviction. Whatever tension had been between them has dispelled.

Alec grins, feeling suddenly a whole lot lighter. “You kiss your mama with that mouth, boy?”

“Nah,” Jace says, grinning back, falling easily into their routine, “but I sure as hell kiss _yours_.”

“Gross!” Alec makes a face, even as they’re both laughing. “You up for getting your ass handed to you at the pool table?”

Jace snorts, but he’s already pushing back his chair. “You’re certainly welcome to try.”

~*~

“You really think I’m neglecting my duties?” Alec asks later, once they’re back at their table.

The music has picked up a bit, so instead of sitting across from each other, they’re sitting next to each other. Not quite as close as they might have, before, but it’s a start.

The first round of pool had still been a bit tentative, both of them testing the waters, but by the second Alec’s competitive streak had broken through and Jace finally started playing in earnest. Before they knew it they’d been hurling insults at each other, trash-talking everything but their mother, and after one particular lucky shot Jace had even grabbed Alec in a headlock and tried to give him a noogie. It had felt like old times, again. Like something between them has finally clicked back into place. Looks like there was more left to salvage than Alec had thought.

They’re on their third round. Or fourth? Alec kinda lost count. Not that it matters. He’s switched from rum and coke to just coke and Jace has moved on to beer.

Jace takes a large swig, considering his answer. “You wanna know the truth?”

Alec tenses. It means he definitely won’t like what Jace is about to say. “Yeah.”

Jace looks at him for another moment, before shrugging. Still, he takes his time, taking another sip of beer before answering. “Kind of, yeah. Not, like, in a horrible way, but you have been letting things slide a bit.”

Alec breathes out noisily. He’d been kind of afraid of that. He’s never been very fond of reports, but they have been stacking up lately and he definitely needs to get on that budget that Caitlin has been pressing him about. It’s just… There’s so much stuff to do and admittedly, Alec’s free time has definitely become less free lately.

“You know what would help, though?” Jace says, looking at Alec.

“What?” Alec asks despite himself. He knows he needs to get things done, but he already sees so little of Magnus, he can’t stand the thought of seeing less of him. But Alec’s not ready to give up his position of acting Head, either. Not when he’s fought so hard to get this far. Besides, Alec’s parents would never forgive him if he gave up the Institute.

Jace leans in, until their shoulders are touching, like he’s about to tell Alec some great big secret. “Not trying to do everything yourself.”

It’s… not what Alec had expected him to say. He blinks at Jace, surprised. “I’m the acting Head, I _have_ to do those things.”

“Correction, you have to _sign off_ on them. That’s not the same thing. I know you are a control freak, Alec—” Jace holds up a hand, wordlessly stifling Alec’s protest at that. It’s an old bone between them, anyway, “—but there are things you could let other people do. Like letting Izzy take over Clary’s training. Not much point doing it if you’re gonna bail on her anyway.”

By the angel, not that thing again.

“Five minutes, Jace. I cut out five minutes early. Once.”

Jace shrugs that off. “‘m just saying. Think about it. There are people willing to help out.”

Alec looks at Jace. It’s… unusual, for Jace to volunteer for anything that doesn’t involve rushing into danger headfirst. Alec’s not quite sure why he’s doing it now, but it means a lot.

Jace reads his look, though, and coughs. “Izzy, I meant Izzy. And Clary. And, y’know…” He waves a hand around, “...people. Don’t come running to me, I’ve got better things to do than helping you get laid.”

“And here I thought parabatai were supposed to be there for each other.”

“Says the guy who’s constantly off chasing tail.”

Alec takes a drink and then chases droplets of condensation around the glass with his finger, very carefully not looking at Jace. “You know you can tell me when you’re lonely, right?”

Jace huffs. “What, so you can abandon Magnus and rush on over to hold my hand?”

“I would,” Alec says very quietly, looking stubbornly at his glass. “You’re my brother. My parabatai. I’ll always be there for you.”

For a moment, he isn’t sure whether Jace heard him over the din of the bar and the music, but then Jace drains the rest of his beer, even though it had still been half full. “I need another drink,” he mutters, stumbling off towards the bar.

Alec looks at his coke, smiling to himself, and then hastily wipes away the crooked heart outline left in the condensation before anybody else can see it.

~*~

By the time they leave the bar, they’re almost the last people to go. Jace had insisted Alec get another drink, something that wasn’t coke, so Alec had requested an iced tea instead. Jace had smirked and brought him another large coke, just to be an ass. Alec had forgiven him.

They had talked and played another round of pool, although Alec still claimed Jace had definitely been cheating on that one. Otherwise Alec couldn’t explain how he’d kept missing his shots, especially towards the end there. He’d protested loudly, but then Jace had been trying to pick up two girls, Alec was fairly sure at least one of which was actually a woodland nymph, and he’d gotten shot down so beautifully Alec had kind of forgiven him everything. Even when he won at darts, too. If things aren’t quite back to being the way they used to, they are a hell of a step closer to it than they’ve been before.

Also, Jace is smashed. Like, totally smashed. Drunk off his ass, howling at the moon, terrifying the whole neighborhood kind of smashed. It’s kind of funny.

“Shut up!” Alec’s trying to sound stern, but it’s kind of ruined by his giggle. Dammit. He hitches Jace’s arm a little tighter around his shoulder. God, Jace is heavy. “What if an actual werewolf hears you?”

“Let them hear me!” Jace proclaims at the top of his lungs. He stops in the middle of the sidewalk to howl again, flashing New York his white-as-the-moon belly.

A nearby pedestrian gives them the stink eye, giving them both a wide berth. Oh God, her face. She must think Alec and Jace are two total lunatics. Heh. Lunar-tics. Alec just laughs harder. He’s got no idea why everything is suddenly so funny.

“For what it’s worth, Jace, you’re kind of hard to ignore.” He grabs Jace, nudging him forward again.

“Oh yeah?” Jace asks, twisting to look at Alec while still leaning most of his weight on him. Alec nearly stumbles, fighting to keep them both moving in the right direction. They swerve, but Jace doesn’t seem to mind.

“For what it’s worth, Alec Lightwood,” he says, hovering a wobbling finger dangerously close in front of Alec’s face. Alec resists the urge to try and snap at it. “You can be a total dickhead sometimes.”

Alec just laughs, feeling warm and fuzzy. He’ll give Jace that one. Just this once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some days later:
> 
> “Hey, Magnus?”  
> “Yes, dear?”  
> “Your middle name isn’t Hieronymus, is it?”  
> “I don’t have a middle name. Why would you think that?”  
> Alec shrugs. “No reason. Forget I asked.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s play the Seelie game,” Alec suggests, because the afternoon is much too precious to waste it on Alec’s stupid insecurities. It’s a completely transparent ploy to distract Magnus, and yet it seems to be working. Or maybe Magnus is just nice enough to humor Alec.
> 
> “The Seelie game?” Magnus asks, sounding intrigued. “What’s that, some kind of Nephilim thing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry this chapter is a month late. The inspiration for this came easily, but then it kept twisting and turning and I had a hard time wrangling it into obedience. I hope the result is worth it. Rest assured, the next chapters are already written and in the beta pipeline, so we should return to our regular schedule of monthly updates after this.

“Hey, I’m done here, so if you could—” The words have barely left Alec’s lips when the portal starts to shimmer into existence behind his desk. Alec hangs up the phone with a smile.

The day’s been grueling, but they have the afternoon together. Just a couple of hours, time carved out between Magnus setting up wards at a client's summer beach house in the Hamptons and Alec's bi-weekly briefing with the East Coast Institute leaders.

Trust the Clave to turn the search for Valentine and the Cup into a veritable nightmare of bureaucracy. If something doesn’t give soon, someone is gonna find Alec one morning in his office, buried under the collapsed mountains of report folders, the handset of the phone dangling on its cord, still dialed-in to the latest “strategy meeting” phone conference.

Alec doesn’t even want to imagine how much more paperwork his death would incur.

He steps around the desk, over to the portal. It glows and swirls, distorting the air into a gaping vortex. Alec can feel his stomach twisting up.

It’s not exactly his favorite mode of transportation. No matter how often he does it, Alec can never get used to that gut-wrenching sensation of being sucked through space. It’s just too weird, the way his body seems to stretch and snap back into place on the other side. It’s worse the further he travels, though. Going to Idris is a pain. At this distance, he mostly gets away with a slight ache behind his eyes and a queasy feeling in his stomach.

Usually, Alec would just walk over to Magnus’. Today, though, time is of the essence. The only reason they even managed to free up this time together is because Alec took Jace’s advice and asked Izzy and Clary to show the new transfers around the Institute. They had grumbled a bit at first, but once they’d actually seen the two tall, muscular men from Moscow (and an older woman from Singapore), they’d been only too happy to oblige.

Alec takes a deep breath and steps through.

For a split-second, he feels as though he’s falling, the ground giving way beneath his feet, before the portal kicks in and he’s being pulled forward instead. His stomach lurches. The room fades away in a dazzling swirl of colors and then suddenly rights itself again. His hands come up on instinct and then Alec arrives with a thump, stumbling straight into Magnus’ chest.

It’s far from the worst thing Alec’s ever crashed into stepping out from a portal.

“Finally.”

Magnus doesn’t spare Alec a second to catch his breath before descending onto him, arms clasped around Alec’s biceps, mouth searching for his.

There’s a noise, keen and desperate, a sharp intake of breath and then Magnus is kissing him for everything he’s worth and something inside Alec breaks. His knees go weak, whether from the portal or Magnus, it’s kind of impossible to tell.

Not that it matters. He’s here and Magnus is here. They’re together. Finally.

There’s a stumble as they both try to catch their balance without leaving off each other. It’s a close call. Any thoughts of reaching the bedroom go flying out the window. They’ll never make it there. Whatever.

Alec’s waited too long for this to care about a bed. All he wants is Magnus, preferably naked, preferably _right now_. Desire is a sharp tug at the bottom of his stomach and a yearning in his fingertips. Alec growls and sinks his teeth into the flesh of Magnus’ shoulder. Needing to taste, to claim, needing _Magnus_. Alec’s waited all day for this. Magnus’ answering groans roll over Alec’s skin like the waves of an earthquake, making him tremble.

Magnus seems to feel as pent up as Alec, if the way he’s pulling on Alec's clothes is any indication. Alec's not willing to break contact with Magnus though, not even for the few seconds it would take to get his shirt off. It almost feels like if Alec let go now, Magnus might vanish somehow, get suddenly called away or something and Alec can't even tolerate the slightest possibility of that.

Magnus huffs and gives up on Alec's shirt, diving straight for his jeans instead. There's a fumble, a tug on his belt and the brush of knuckles as Magnus’ fingers work in the tight confines between their bodies, and then Magnus shoves his hand in Alec's boxers and Alec loses track of anything else.

~*~

An hour (and a couple of orgasms) later, they've made it as far as the bed, at least. The insistent need inside Alec to devour Magnus whole has faded to a sort of background hum, a low current of wanting to be close to Magnus that befalls Alec almost every time they're in a room together.

They’ve inadvertently kicked all the blankets and most of the pillows off the bed earlier, so Magnus is sort of serving as a makeshift blanket, lying half on top of Alec. His mussed-up hair tickles Alec’s nose every time he shifts. It’s too hot, they’re both sweaty and gross, and yet Alec can’t find it in him to move. As if the thought alone is too much to bear, Alec hitches Magnus a little closer, wrapping his arms securely around Magnus’ waist. Magnus hums, one hand brushing idly over Alec’s arm and shoulder, almost like a silent approval of Alec’s possessiveness.

It would all be perfect, if it it weren’t for the sudden loud rumbling noise startling them both. 

Magnus’ eyes drop to Alec’s belly. “Hungry?”

“No,” Alec says, just as his stomach makes another gurgle. This time, Alec can feel it, too.

“Liar,” Magnus chuckles, fond and amused, petting Alec’s belly. And then he adds conspiratorially, as if he’s talking to it rather than Alec, “Don’t mind him, we’ll totally feed you.”

“I don't want to eat,” Alec says, sounding almost petulant. It's not quite correct. Now that it's got his attention, it's kind of hard to ignore the empty feeling in his stomach. But food would mean having to let go of Magnus and Alec's not sure he's ready for that yet.

Magnus seizes him up. “What's the last meal you had?”

It actually takes Alec a moment to figure out. He remembers Izzy asking him to lunch, a couple of times actually. The day had been so busy though, always someone else butting in and demanding Alec's time, that he'd just never gotten around to it. 

“Breakfast,” Alec admits a little sheepishly. That was eight. It must be what, close to three in the afternoon now? No wonder Alec's hungry.

“Right,” Magnus says, studiously ignoring Alec's protests as he disentangles himself to get up. “Lunch.”

And then he seems to realize that they're not exactly the most presentable right now. “Shower, then lunch,” Magnus amends, offering a hand to Alec.

Alec reluctantly let's himself be pulled up. At least shower means he'll get to enjoy a naked Magnus for a little while longer.

~*~

Magnus conjures up a nice spread that could equally count as a late lunch or early dinner. They eat outside, in the rooftop garden, surrounded by plants and the distant street sounds wafting up from below. By then Alec's hungry enough that he finishes his first plate in near silence, craving food almost as much as he craved Magnus earlier.

The preference doesn't last for long.

Magnus makes him try all those different bits of marinated vegetables, grilled eggplant and little morsels of cheese. At first he’s just pointing them out, but then switches to simply holding them up for Alec to try. Alec leans in, eating the little piece of pear topped with a blue-veined cheese straight from Magnus’ hand. His lips graze Magnus' fingertips, but Magnus doesn't pull his hand away. It’s not until Alec is leaning back again, chewing the little bite, that Magnus drops his hand again. And even then, it’s only to pick up the next thing, a tiny pepper stuffed with a white fluffy filling.

“Peppadew pepper with whipped feta,” Magnus explains, smiling at Alec’s skeptical look.

“What did the feta do to deserve a whipping?” Alec asks, only half joking. Feta is cheese, right? Why would you whip cheese?

It startles Magnus into a laugh. Alec can feel the answering smirk tugging at his lips. He loves that laugh, happy and carefree, and every time he manages to get one out of Magnus feels like a little triumph. Even if it’s just at one of Alec’s stupid jokes.

“Perhaps the feta likes it,” Magnus suggests, in a voice that strongly implies Magnus might know a thing or two about the pleasures of whipping.

Okay, then. Not where Alec expected this to go.

He shifts on his chair, trying studiously to ignore the twitch his dick just gave at the thought of Magnus. In the bedroom. With some leather. And possibly some restraints.

“Try it, it’s really good,” Magnus says, interpreting Alec’s silence as skepticism. He lifts the pepper in Alec’s direction.

Too flustered to object, Alec opens his mouth. Magnus pops the pepper in, and Alec’s lips close on instinct. It’s entirely by accident that he catches Magnus’ finger in the process.

Or maybe not, judging from the heated look Magnus is sending him.

Alec flicks his tongue out, licking the herbed oil the pepper’s coated in from Magnus’ fingertip. Magnus’ eyes drop half-shut. Desire tugs at Alec’s gut, sharp and insistent. The air feels heavy between them.

It’s only because of the damn pepper that Alec has to eventually give up and chew the damn thing. Magnus watches him with a heavy-lidded gaze, like he’s mentally undressing Alec again. Alec swallows hastily, barely tasting the food.

All Alec can focus on is Magnus’ hands, the way his fingers trace over his bottom lip. It’s an entirely unconscious gesture. Like he’s tracing the absence of Alec’s lips against his own.

Fuck.

Alec will never comprehend how Magnus can take a simple gesture like that and turn it into something so... powerful. Sinful. Evocative. All it takes is a single move and Alec’s burning up with desire for this other man. Suddenly, every inch between them is a million miles of torture and there’s this invisible force tugging Alec towards Magnus.

He follows that call, unable to resist, getting up from his chair and crossing over onto Magnus’ side until he can slide onto the bench next to him. Magnus turns, maybe to say something, Alec doesn’t know, because he doesn’t leave Magnus that chance.

The kiss isn’t chase or timid. It’s forceful, like the desire inside Alec, crashing over them both like a tidal wave. Alec grabs Magnus’ jaw, fingers sliding over the short-shorn hair behind Magnus’ ear in a possessive grip. Magnus gives the expected moan, low and wanton, sending the hot pool of lava in Alec’s belly into a tumbling boil. His lips open up, inviting Alec inside, and Alec doesn’t need to be asked twice.

Nothing will ever taste as good as Magnus.

Their food stands forgotten as Alec licks all those different spices from Magnus’ lips and then goes in for seconds.

The roof is perfect for languid make out sessions like this one, pressed together on one of the benches surrounded by grapevines and the sweet smell of those white flowers Magnus grows in big pots scattered all throughout. Perfect, that is, except for some rather annoying flies and the relentless sun of a New York summer pricking at Alec’s neck that eventually forces them back inside.

~*~

“You don’t look like you’d get burned,” Alec says, turning Magnus’ hand over in his own. They’re snuggled up on the sofa, but turned sideways, with Magnus stretching out along its length, back against one of the high arm rests. Alec’s settled between Magnus’ legs, leaning back against Magnus’ chest and playing with Magnus’ hand around his midriff. It’s surprisingly comfy.

“Do you?” Magnus asks, voice warm and low, close to Alec’s ear. Alec loves that voice.

“To the shame of my family's heritage,” Alec laments, staring at their entwined fingers.

His skin looks so much fairer than Magnus’. Magnus looks tanned, a gorgeous bronze, whereas the best Alec can hope for is something a shade darker than bright white. What do they call it… off-white, maybe.

“Izzy used to call me ‘the fairest of them all’.”

“Such a pity, the roof is perfect for sunbathing,” Magnus murmurs.

“You sunbathe?” Alec asks, surprised. Somehow, he’s never really thought about it.

Magnus hums affirmatively.

Except now of course Alec can’t think about anything but Magnus on that lounge chair, lying in the sun, sunglasses on his head, cocktail in his hand, wearing something skimpy like a…

Wait a minute.

“You don’t have any tan lines.”

“Why Alexander, thank you for noticing.” Alec can hear the amused smile in Magnus’ voice, clear as day, and yet he sounds genuinely pleased at that. Magnus manages to take the weirdest things and turn them into compliments.

But that means…

Alec cranes his neck around to look at Magnus.

“Naked? On the roof?” He hates how his own voice sounds both astonished and a little breathless at the same time.

Magnus just smirks at Alec, one eyebrow raised. His look is a wordless challenge, almost as if he’s saying ‘what are you gonna do about it?’

Alec turns around again, settling back in Magnus’ embrace. “Damn.”

That’s certainly given him a picture for the next time he…

Alec flushes, suddenly glad that Magnus can’t see his face properly. “Aren’t you afraid someone might see?”

He can feel Magnus shrug behind him. “So what if they do?”

It astonishes Alec, how Magnus can be so at ease with himself. Alec’s already freaking out at the mere thought of anybody seeing him naked, much less at the actual possibility of it. Some days, he still gets nervous, letting Magnus see him. Kissing Magnus usually distracts him from that flutter of nerves. Or closing his eyes. He prefers sex with the lights off. Or under the covers. Where Alec won’t run the risk of accidentally catching a glimpse of himself. Alec hates feeling so self-conscious all the time, but it’s almost impossible to turn off.

“I can hear it rattling in that lovely head of yours, love.” Magnus says quietly, startling Alec out of his thoughts. He presses a soft kiss to Alec’s hair, dragging their linked fingers across Alec’s stomach to give him a hug.

Alec sighs, soaking up Magnus’ affection like a plant starved for sunlight. He hitches Magnus’ arms a little closer around him. Almost like a shield, or a blanket. God, he loves those strong, muscular arms. He could spend the rest of his life wrapped up in them.

“Let’s play the Seelie game,” Alec suggests, because the afternoon is much too precious to waste it on Alec’s stupid insecurities. It’s a completely transparent ploy to distract Magnus, and yet it seems to be working. Or maybe Magnus is just nice enough to humor Alec.

“The Seelie game?” Magnus asks, sounding intrigued. “What’s that, some kind of Nephilim thing?”

“I, uh, I guess?” Alec frowns. He’s never really thought about it, because everyone knows that game, but if Magnus doesn’t, that must mean it’s some kind of Shadowhunter thing, doesn’t it? “We always used to play it as kids.”

It’s kind of stupid, really, but it’s the first thing Alec’s mind came up with, and he’s sort of stuck with it now.

“How do you play it? Because I’d hate to disappoint you, Alexander,” Magnus drawls, nuzzling Alec’s neck, “but if it involves getting off this couch, I’m afraid I’m not terribly interested.”

Alec smiles. It’s kind of embarrassing, how his stomach will still do those somersaults at him whenever Magnus says something like that.

“I never want to leave this couch again,” Alec murmurs, because it’s true. He tips his head back, and sure enough, Magnus is already there, finding Alec’s mouth with ease, capturing his lips in a kiss.

They’ve spent hours today doing this already, and yet Alec will never, ever get tired of the way Magnus will sink into those kisses, as if Alec is the ocean and Magnus intends to drown himself in it. There’s no better feeling than this, being wrapped up in Magnus’ embrace, the slight rasp of stubble and press of plush lips, those breathy little sighs... When Magnus kisses Alec like this, full of adoration and purpose, Alec feels like the most precious thing in the world.

“You were saying something about a Seelie thing,” Magnus prompts some time later, when their kisses have petered off to little pecks every now and then. They're still close together, though, leaning back against the armrest, their legs entangled along the length of the couch, content for now to just enjoy each other’s company.

When Magnus had sat down like this, spreading his legs and motioning for Alec to sit between them, Alec had been a little dubious. It’d taken some coaxing on Magnus’ part, but once Alec had leaned back against Magnus’ muscular chest and Magnus had wrapped his arms around him, hugging Alec from behind, Alec had to admit it was more comfortable than he’d thought. 

The position means that Alec has to twist around and crane his neck to actually look at Magnus, so it’s not the greatest for long make out sessions. For this, though, snuggling on the couch on a lazy afternoon just talking, it’s perfect.

Alec sighs happily, breathing in Magnus’ scent. He’s got his head resting on Magnus’ shoulder, eyes closed, his nose nearly touching Magnus’ neck. Magnus hums in response, pressing a kiss to the top of Alec’s head.

“Seelie…,” Alec murmurs, but then it comes back to him. The game. Right. “It’s a question game. You take turns asking each other a question, and the other has to answer. Only you have to do it like a Seelie would.”

“So no lies.” Magnus catches on quickly. “Like Truth or Dare without the dare part.”

“Well… yeah.” Only Seelies are slippery bastards, skilled at trickery and deception. From what Alec’s seen in the movies, the mundane version is so much more… well, mundane.

“Okay,” Magnus agrees easily and Alec’s kind of surprised. He’d half expected Magnus to scoff at him for suggesting such a childish game. Instead, he sounds almost excited. “You wanna ask the first question or shall I?”

“I’ll go,” Alec says quickly, because Magnus sounding this eager has him kind of afraid.

Oh God, what has Alec gotten himself into?

“What’s one thing you’re really bad at?”

“Oh dear, let’s see…” Magnus doesn’t actually take long to think about it. “Mastermind. That game with the pins and you have to guess the sequence?”

Alec nods. He’s not the most up to date on pop-culture, but they had a version of that game in their Institute library. Good to learn logical deductions or something, if he remembers Hodge correctly. It’s not quite what Alec had in mind when he asked the question, but okay.

“ _Hated_ that game,” Magnus keeps talking. “Ragnor loved it, made me play it with him. I never had the patience for it.”

“What do you like to play instead?” Alec asks. It’s not technically his turn anymore, but Magnus doesn’t seem to mind.

“Oh,” Magnus waves a hand around, “lot of stuff. Chess. Mahjongg. I play a mean hand of Canasta.”

He sounds way too gleeful about the last one. Alec’s never heard of it. “Canasta?”

“It’s a card game,” Magnus explains.

“Ah.” Go figure. Alec makes a mental note never to play cards with Magnus. He probably stuffs them in his sleeves or magicks them up out of thin air.

“Okay, my turn. Let’s see…” Magnus leans back, pretending to think about it. Alec chews on his lip, trying to stay calm.

What if Magnus asks him something embarrassing? Or worse, something personal?

Magnus finally settles on “Biggest pet peeve?” and Alec breathes a sigh of relief. Okay, he can do this.

He takes a moment to think. There are lots of things that annoy Alec. Reckless behavior, like Jace foregoing any sensible plans or recon and just storming straight ahead into a vampire den. Or technology that will never cooperate when you need it most, like when Alec’s about to give a presentation and he can’t get whatever he’s got on his tablet to show up on the big screens. But they are sort of sensible things to get annoyed about. Pet peeve would be more like…

“Clutter,” Alec says. “People leaving their stuff wherever they dropped it. Like Izzy taking her boots off and leaving them on the floor for everyone to trip over when the shoe rack is literally inches away. Or when you have to hunt through the whole meeting room for a whiteboard marker and then of course it’s dried out. Just cap the damn things after you’re done with them and put them back where they belong. Is that so hard? Or, like, Clary’s empty tea mugs. They’re everywhere! But she’s running to the kitchen to grab another cookie, like, three times a day. If you’re already making the trip down to the kitchen, just take the damn mug with you. That’s like Jace leaving the training mats—”

Alec stops abruptly, suddenly aware of that slight shaking, the tremors in Magnus’ chest that mean Magnus is silently laughing at him. He shuts his mouth, feeling pretty sheepish.

“I never knew you had so many feelings about whiteboard markers,” Magnus says. He’s laughing, but at least he doesn’t sound mean about it. More like fondly amused.

“They’re expensive.” Alec knows, he’s seen the budget. It’s ridiculous how much money they spend because some assholes can’t be bothered to look after themselves. “I just like everything to be in its place.” Alec’s painfully aware of how petulant he sounds right now.

Magnus hums, pressing his cheek against the top of Alec’s head. “Like you, in my arms, where you belong.”

It’s silly and cheesy, but it still manages to make Alec feel better. He squeezes Magnus’ hand in silent thanks. “My turn, right?”

Alec can’t see it, but he can feel Magnus’ nod against his hair. “Hit me.”

“Four words that describe you?”

There's a pause while Magnus thinks about it. When he speaks, he ticks them off on his fingers. “High Warlock of Brooklyn.”

“Oh come on, that's just…” Fair, actually. Alec grumps. “Fine. Your turn.”

Magnus giggles a bit, just a small chuckle, childish delight at having gotten one over on Alec. Alec crosses his arms, but it's kind of impossible to stay grumpy at Magnus when he's clearly so happy.

“Do you prefer showers or baths?”

“Showers.” What kind of a question is that even? If this is Magnus’ way of apologizing, it's lost on Alec.

“Ketchup or mayo?” Alec asks back, still kind of miffed at Magnus’ last answer, so he supposes they might as well play it like this.

“Mayo,” Magnus answers promptly (although he doesn’t sound too happy about either choice), and then immediately asks, “Guns or knives?”

Alec doesn’t even have to think about this one. He’s always thought guns were kind of stupid. “Knives.”

It’s kind of fun, though, trying to answer as quickly as possible, leaving no room for thought or explanations. Before they know it, it degenerates into this ping-pong game between them, a series of quickfire questions, answers and counter-questions.

“Breakfast or dinner?” Alec asks.

Magnus’ eye-roll is practically audible. “Brunch. Favorite season?”

That one’s easy. “Autumn. Cats or dogs?”

“Cats,” Magnus says with a lot of emphasis. Alec’s not surprised. “Phone call or letter?”

Alec can’t remember the last time he’s written a letter. He’s not particularly fond of phone calls, either, though. But Alec supposes if Magnus can choose a third option, so can he. “Text. Favorite drink?”

“Coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon, booze anytime.”

Alec rolls his eyes at that last one. Anytime. Everytime. All the time. He’s seen Magnus start the day with mimosas, have white sangria for lunch, daiquiris in the afternoon, red wine for dinner and then end the day on a nice glass of scotch. There is literally no occasion for which Magnus couldn’t come up with an appropriate alcoholic beverage.

“And you can stop judging me anytime,” Magnus murmurs in Alec’s ear.

“I’m not—” Alec starts to protest, but Magnus covers Alec’s mouth with his hand, stifling any opposition.

“You totally were, stop lying to me, Alexander,” Magnus exclaims, but there’s laughter threading through his voice as Alec pulls at Magnus’ hand, and when that proves ineffective, resorts to licking Magnus’ palm instead. It still tastes faintly of the cheese they had for lunch.

Magnus squeaks and immediately lets Alec go, making a show instead of wiping his hand dry on Alec’s shirt.

“Fine,” Alec grouses good-naturedly even as he’s fighting to keep Magnus’ hand away, “fine, but keep your gross hands off me, you damn old dipsomaniac.”

“Oooh, someone is using their fancy words!” Magnus switches tactics, trying to tickle Alec’s sensitive sides instead. Alec immediately clamps down his elbows, trying to give Magnus as small of a target as possible. “But that’s not what you said this afternoon.”

“No?” Alec asks, breathless and laughing from where Magnus managed to break through his defenses. He’s twisting in Magnus’ lap, feet kicking as he tries to simultaneously protect his sides and catch Magnus’ devious hands. “What did I say?”

“As I remember,” Magnus murmurs, voice dropping a sudden octave into definite bedroom territory, hands stilling on Alec’s hips, “you were begging for my touch. In fact, I believe your exact words were, ‘fuck, touch me, Magnus, need your hands, please, Magnus’.”

Alec flushes at those words, at Magnus’ imitation of Alec’s need, the memory still fresh in his mind. He’d been desperate, rock-hard even as he was still in his pants, starved for contact, that perfect amount of friction, the feeling of Magnus’ fingers wrapped tightly around his cock…

Fuck.

“You’re a drunkard _and_ a cheater,” Alec complains. It comes out more whiny than accusatory.

“It’s not my fault you’re irresistible.” Magnus’ fingertips graze the top of Alec’s jeans, one particular brazen finger even dipping slightly beneath it. 

Alec catches them before they can venture any further. “You’re trying to distract me.”

“Is it working?” Magnus asks innocently, thumb brushing over the sensitive skin of Alec’s belly. It’s maddening.

“No,” Alec says. It comes out sounding much more like a ‘yes’. Dammit.

On the one hand, Alec wouldn’t mind another round of… well. His body is definitely interested, reacting to Magnus almost of its own accord. It’s pretty impossible _not_ to be aroused by Magnus, much less when Magnus is actually putting some effort into it. He never could resist Magnus’ charms. On the other hand, there are so many questions flitting through Alec’s mind. Things he wants to ask Magnus. Of all the time they spend together, most of it is either spent in public or in Magnus’ bedroom. It’s rare that they really have the quiet to just… talk. It’s nice. Nice enough that for once, Alec tightens his fingers around Magnus’, stopping him.

“Can we just…?”

“Your wish is my command,” Magnus murmurs, hands retreating until they’re up in safer territory again.

Alec feels relieved and disappointed at the same time. Why do relationships always have to be so complicated?

“Now where were we?”

“I caught you cheating,” Alec says, trying to steer this conversation back onto safer ground.

“Libel! Slander! I admit nothing!” Magnus exclaims, mock-outraged.

“It’s only libel if it’s written,” Alec points out.

Magnus chuckles. “And yet between the two of us, I’m the lawyer.”

“Fine, then I’ll be the judge,” Alec shoots back. “You cheated.”

“You’re hardly impartial. I call a mistrial!”

“Motion denied. Under the rules of the Seelie game, I find you guilty of cheating and sentence you to forfeit your next question.”

Magnus sighs dramatically, as if he’s just been gravely wounded. “Such a harsh punishment.”

“The law is hard, but it is the law.”

“Should’ve known better than to play with a Nephilim,” Magnus mutters under his breath, but before Alec gets a chance to examine that statement any closer, he waves his hands impatiently. “Go on then. What’s your next question?”

Alec hesitates a moment, trying to decide whether he should pursue it, but then decides against it. He doesn’t want this to ruin a perfectly nice afternoon. Instead, he settles on a question he’s been wondering about for a while now. “Did you ever want to go to college?”

“Not only wanted to, I did.”

Alec twists around at that, trying to see Magnus’ face. "Really? When?"

“In the, uh…” Magnus scrunches up his nose, lips moving silently as he’s counting. It’s horribly charming. "Sixties, I believe. Somewhere around then, anyway. Back then it was all the rage."

Sometimes Alec almost forgets Magnus has been around for so long. "What did you study?"

It’s kind of hard to imagine Magnus studying something serious like engineering or economics. Chemistry, maybe. Magnus is quite adept at brewing potions. Or maybe something useless like philosophy or drama.

Magnus makes a face. "A little bit of everything. They kicked me out before I could declare a major."

No way. "Kicked you out? What for?"

"I believe the official term was ‘lewd and morally unacceptable behavior’," Magnus says, pulling off a passable imitation of some snot-nosed aristocrat.

Oh, this is getting ever better. "What did you do?"

Magnus pins him with a look, the one that he gets when he clearly owns the room with one of his stories, savouring that moment as everyone’s hanging on his lips and he’s just about to drop the bomb but wants to enjoy leaving them hanging for a little longer. Alec both loves and hates that look. "Threw the very best party the campus had ever seen."

Alec laughs. That’s… That’s so _Magnus_ , somehow, getting thrown out of college for partying. Of all the things. “Did you ever want to go back?”

“Eh,” Magnus waves his fingers, rings glinting in the late afternoon sun peeking through the curtains, “I have all the degrees I should ever need. Why, do you think about going to college?”

Alec makes a face. “There is no Shadowhunter college. There’s only the Academy in Idris, and that’s mostly for the Initiates.”

“What about mundane college, then?” Magnus presses.

Alec stares at Magnus’ book case. When he was younger, he’d dreamt about it sometimes. Imagined what his life would be, all those things he might have done, what he might have become if he hadn’t been born a Shadowhunter.

“What would be the point?” Alec asks. It comes out a little more darkly than he intended. He’d given up those foolish thoughts pretty quickly. There was no point dreaming of things that could never come true.

Magnus seems to pick up on his mood, shifting a little to gaze at Alec. “To study. Learn new things. See the world. Do what you want to do.”

“I already have a job.”

“What if you weren’t a Nephilim, then?” Magnus asks. “What would you do if you were just a regular old mundane?”

The first thought that shoots through Alec’s head is that he’d have never met Magnus, then. The second is no Clave. No Institute. No Runes. No awareness that demons even exist. Just another one of these dumb, ignorant idiots stumbling through life, thinking they’re the most important thing on the planet when they’ve got no idea, not even the faintest clue of what’s all out there. Why would Alec ever want to be like that?

“That your next question?” Alec asks.

“If you want it to be,” Magnus says carefully and Alec rolls his eyes at that. Magnus Bane, always the diplomat. Sometimes he’s grateful for it, other times, like now, this tendency of Magnus to never really say anything, to avoid taking a stand when he can get away with it is really grating on Alec’s nerves.

“Fine.” Alec says. He sits up, needing to get away from Magnus for a moment. Just a little space to breathe.

He doesn’t particularly want to answer the question, but the game is the game and Alec’s not about to break the rules just because it suits him.

“I probably wouldn’t go to college. I doubt my parents could afford it, raising four kids in New York, and I’m not good enough at anything to get a scholarship.”

Alec stares at his fingers, idly picking at a scab. Izzy might get a scholarship, she’s pretty smart. Jace could probably get in on an athletic program if he put his mind to it. But Alec’s never really been into sports and he’s not nerdy enough to compete with the science kids. “I’d just get a job somewhere.”

“Doing what?” Magnus asks. He sounds sort of quiet and subdued, but Alec’s not really paying attention to that right now.

“I don’t know!” Alec throws up his hands, feeling pretty frustrated right now. All he’s ever been good at is hunting monsters, killing things. And even doing that, Alec would be nothing without his runes. “I don’t know, okay? Just some regular old job. Whatever normal people do. I’m really not that special.”

The quiet that follows is kind of heavy, hanging in the air between them.

Great. Alec had suggested this game precisely so they wouldn’t end up here. Just another one of his plans working out perfectly.

He kneads his hands, staring at the floor between his legs. There’s a soft rustling noise behind him, like Magnus sitting up as well, but Alec doesn’t look up.

“You’re special to me, Alexander,” Magnus says. Except it’s not said like one of his usual flirtations, no trace of innuendo evident. It’s just… quiet. Factual.

Alec turns around, looking at Magnus and no matter how hard he tries to shove it away, that question burning inside his chest rips free anyway. “Why?”

Magnus evades Alec’s gaze, looking around the room instead. Stalling for time. Trying to come up with something.

Awesome. Even his own boyfriend can’t answer that question.

“Before I met you… If someone would have told me that I would one day date a Shadowhunter,” Magnus starts after a small eternity, “I would have laughed in their face. A Shadowhunter! And yet…” He looks at Alec, small smile flitting across his face, “here we are.”

He gets up, then, walking across to the bookshelf. The tomes are old and dusty, but Magnus brushes his fingers over them lovingly, as if they are great treasures. Maybe they are.

“Let me ask you a question, Alexander,” Magnus says, but the way he says it it's clear that he doesn't mean the game anymore. Either way, Magnus doesn't wait for Alec's go-ahead. “Why did you choose the bow and arrow as your weapon?”

Alec’s got no idea what point Magnus is trying to make right now. But it’s Magnus, so he usually has a point. Reluctantly, Alec answers, “I was good at it, I guess.”

Magnus nods. “It's not exactly the most common Shadowhunter weapon, is it?”

Alec shrugs. “Most Nephilim prefer the Seraph blades.”

Or any sort of close-combat weapon, like Izzy’s whip. Every Shadowhunter has to become proficient in the Seraph blades, but if you show particular aptitude for any of the other weapons, you might be allowed to train on them as well. Alec had always liked the distance the bow afforded him. It had never felt like Alec had chosen this weapon, more like… Like the bow had chosen _him_.

He’d been so proud that day, when Hodge had bestowed him his first, very own training bow. The minute they were released from practice, he’d zipped through the Institute, searching until he’d found his parents to tell them “I’m going to become an archer, Mom! An _archer_!”

Alec still remembers his Dad’s proud smile, the way Mom had hugged him tight and told him he was gonna become the very best archer this Institute had ever seen. He’d slept with the bow that night, quill full of arrows cradled in his arms, head full of dreams.

Magnus regards Alec, head cocked to the side, fingers playing with his rings the way he’ll often do when he’s nervous or deep in thought. “The bow is a weapon of patience. You do not rush into battle with it. It requires skill. Discipline. Strategy. You only have a limited number of arrows.”

He walks over to the keris, a dagger with a wavy blade that Magnus keeps on display, regarding it for a moment. “Anyone can hurt someone with a knife, but to hit your target with an arrow takes practice. Perseverance. A keen eye and steady hands, even under pressure. It takes strength and determination to take aim and hold it, waiting for the opportune moment, that perfect shot. And once the aim has been fixed and the arrow has been released, it will fly straight and true.”

And yeah, in a way, Alec knows all that. It’s not exactly the way he looks at these things, but essentially it’s true. Alec is just surprised Magnus knew all that. “You’re saying a bow is the perfect weapon.”

“I’m saying,” Magnus says, wandering back over towards Alec, “it’s the perfect weapon _for you_.”

He taps Alec’s shoulder, just a soft gesture with two fingers, hardly any pressure behind it. A question more than anything, but Alec gives in willingly, leaning back against the backrest so Magnus can climb onto his lap. They fold into each other easily, instinctively, Magnus’ arms on Alec’s shoulders and Alec’s arms wrapped around his waist, keeping him close.

“If you want to know what makes you special, Alexander,” Magnus murmurs, so low that it’s almost a whisper. He tips Alec’s chin towards him, so Alec can’t do anything but look into those eyes, warm and brown and full of depth, and sink into that gaze, “all you have to do is look at who you truly are.”

Alec wanted to say something to that. Or maybe he didn’t. It’s hard to remember, when Magnus kisses him like that, soft and almost reverent, but with a fire burning deep within, humming underneath his skin. He’s got his hands on either side of Alec’s face, tipping it up towards the perfect angle, thumb brushing over Alec’s jaw. Holding him, kissing him with such intent, almost as if to say _‘this, here, you, this is what I want and if you dumb idiot refuse to see it I’ll damn well show you’_. And he does.

Alec’s never felt special in his life. No matter how hard he tried, his best was never quite good enough. There was always someone stronger, or faster, or prettier, someone more skilled at fighting, better at negotiating, quicker on the uptake, screaming louder ‘here, pick me’.

It’s okay. 

Alec’s accepted a long time ago that between Izzy and Jace, he’d never be the one to shine. He doesn’t have to. He’d been content hanging back, sticking to the sidelines, being the boring stickler to the rules who makes sure nobody gets hurt, that they’d all make it back in one piece. Alec doesn’t need the spot in the limelight. He doesn’t want it. But sometimes, when all you do is fade into the background, it gets hard to remember why you’re there at all.

It’s not like Magnus has taken the spotlight and turned it on Alec. Yes, Magnus is flashy and loud and very much likes to be center stage. He steps into a room and immediately draws everybody’s attention. He thrives on it. Yet somehow, he managed to pick out Alec hiding in the shadows, noticed him where no-one else did. And instead of dragging Alec onto stage with him, in front of everybody, he’s given up his spot to join Alec in the wings. Bringing a little bit of sparkle, some of that light with him. As if to say _‘I see you, I know you’re there, and I’m right there with you’_.

Alec never needed the limelight. All he needed was for that one person to step over and brighten up the darkness around him. Just enough to see.

And if that one person happens to be Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, Prince of Hell, summoner of greater demons, owner of Pandemonium, inventor of portals, best dressed warlock in all of Idris, then maybe that means Alec is a little bit special after all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Magnus seems angry, furious even, and Alec's starting to have the sneaking suspicion Magnus might be angry at him. He just doesn't know why._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where September went. I blinked and that month flew right past me. So sorry guys. Life. You know how it is, right? I got a new job and then I went on vacation and then I got this tiny Kradam obsession (eyeliner! glitter! I know I'm totally eight years late, but... _unf._ ) and well. Anyways.
> 
> Warnings in this chapter for what's probably a blatant overuse of italics. You guys can totally blame my betas. I always do. ;)

Alec's cellphone rings.

“Hello?”

“Alec,” Magnus says, and the way he says it, short and clipped and somehow strained, instantly puts Alec on high alert.

“What happened? Are you hurt? Where are you?”

Alec's already mentally running through a list of preparations. He'll need to get his jacket, grab his bow, find Isabelle or Jace for backup…

“I just got a call from _‘Caitlin in accounting’_ asking me whether I wanted to bill the Institute standard or overtime pay for healing you. When you stumbled into my apartment. At two in the morning. Bleeding from a demon cut.”

“Oh!” Not in danger then. Alec lets out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. “Was there a problem with approval? I can talk to her. We'll pay whatever you deem appropriate, of course.”

“What _I_ deem appropriate?” Magnus asks, voice terse and Alec has the definite feeling there's something he's missing. He's got no idea why Magnus is upset.

“Alec—” Magnus starts and then stops, taking a deep breath as if he has to calm himself down. “No. You know what? I'm not doing this over the phone. When are you free?”

“Uh,” Alec feels lost, like a blind man in the dark. Magnus seems angry, furious even, and Alec's starting to have the sneaking suspicion Magnus might be angry at him. He just doesn't know why. “I have an hour till—”

“Good,” Magnus says, not even bothering to let Alec finish the sentence. And just like that, the line goes dead.

Alec's still blinking at his phone in confusion when he can hear footsteps behind him that sound like they're coming his way, fast and purposeful. A second later Magnus turns around the corner and Alec simply stares at him for a second.

Where did...? Oh. Magnus must have portalled into the Institute.

_He looks hot_ is the first thought that flits through Alec's head. He also looks _pissed_.

“Can we have a word in private?” Magnus asks, not bothering with hello and Alec just nods mutely, too stunned to figure out what to say.

They walk to Alec's room in silence, Magnus half a step behind Alec. Alec can practically feel the anger coming off of Magnus in waves. It feels kinds of surreal, as if he got cast in a movie and they forgot to supply him the script somehow. Magnus’ whole behavior puts him on edge. 

Alec keeps running over things in his head that he might have said or done, but he’s coming up empty. There haven’t been any recent problems with Downworlders that Alec’s aware of, and things between him and Magnus have been good. Haven’t they? Magnus said something about accounting, but Alec has no idea what the problem is.

Magnus closes the door behind them, turning the key and then doing some sort of magic spell for good measure. He takes a moment to compose himself before turning around to face Alec, back braced against the door. This leaves Alec hovering awkwardly in the middle of the room, growing restless. He wishes Magnus would just come out and say it so they can clear it up.

“Would you be so kind as to explain to me why the Institute thinks I'd demand payment for healing you?” Magnus asks, voice strained as if it takes a great deal of effort to keep himself calm.

Alec has no idea what this has got to do with anything, but at least it's a question he can answer. “I filed an expenses claim for it.”

“You _what_?” Magnus’ stare goes ice cold. He’s still standing at the door while Alec is hovering near his bed, so there’s a good five paces between them, but suddenly the room feels too small. Alec isn’t easily intimidated by the sight of Magnus, but this is beginning to unsettle him.

Alec crosses his arms over his chest. Why the hell is Magnus so upset over an expenses claim? “I submitted the incident so you would be compensated for your services.”

“Is that why you think I did it?” Magnus’ voice is shaking with anger now. “For the money?”

Uhm. Doesn’t everybody? 

“Isn’t that why you work? For the money? What, did you want diamonds instead?”

Alec can't stand it when people talk down to him. He's used to catching shit for his decisions, people second-guessing his orders even as Head of the Institute, but being treated by Magnus like a bratty teenager cuts on a much deeper level.

Magnus is visibly bristling at the words. “Flowers would have been nice. A thoughtful card. Or how about a simple ‘thank you’?”

Alec rolls his eyes. Flowers? Really? Everyone knows warlocks don’t work for free. You always end up paying for their services, whether you know it or not. Hell, Magnus’ fees are legendary. Alec should know, he’s paid them before.

“Yes, where were my manners, trying to pay a warlock his dues? How inconsiderate of me.”

Magnus has no right to storm in here and accuse Alec like that when all Alec had been trying to do was help. Not when he’d spent hours figuring out how to stretch an already tight budget. And then he’d had to pay for it a second time, justifying the expense to his parents (who were still the _real_ Heads of the Institute). If Magnus was stupid enough to heal without a contract, he didn’t deserve recompense, they’d told him.

And now Magnus gives him shit about it, too.

“I cannot fathom why I thought the guy who wanted _my bow_ for defending my sister might be interested in monetary compensation. Next time I'll send a fruit basket, shall I?”

“Do not get snide with me, Alexander. You think I’ll do anything for the right price, is that it?” Magnus’ hand slashes through the air in an angry jerk. “Did you think you can just buy me like some cheap whore?”

“I don’t think your rates could be considered cheap by any standard,” Alec shoots back and then bites his tongue because fuck it, that’s not what he intended to say. He’s tried hard to stay calm, reasonable, but Magnus' words have a way of getting under his skin, hitting where it hurts.

“Oh fuck you, Alexander.” Magnus’ fingertips flare orange for a second but before Alec can take any action Magnus clamps his hands into fists, squashing out the flames. 

The blood is rushing so loudly in Alec’s ears, he almost doesn’t hear Magnus’ next words. “You Nephilim are all the same in the end.”

And just like that, Alec’s blood turns to ice water in his veins. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Magnus’ look is full of contempt. “Always running around on your high horse, thinking you’re so much better than everybody else. You just use us Downworlders when it serves you and then expect us to be grateful afterwards.”

Alec laughs, but it’s entirely without humor. “That’s rich. Who’s the one acting all high and mighty right now, throwing around baseless accusations? I never _once_ used you, Magnus!”

“You come to me in the middle of the night, have me heal your wounds and then all but leave a wad of money on my bedside table the next morning. How’s that supposed to make me feel, Alexander? Grateful?”

Shit. Alec’s never looked at it like that.

But Magnus isn’t done. “Why else would you insist on _paying_ me? You used me like a tool.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“I did it because I thought that's what you wanted, okay?” Alec throws up his hands, balling them into fists before he punches something. Or someone. 

“You said it yourself many times before, you believe in _‘payment for services rendered’_. Guess what, Magnus, I listened! You healed a Nephilim wounded in action, why shouldn't I assume you want compensation?”

Magnus looks like he’s pretty close to losing it himself. So close that he’s almost screaming his next words.

“I didn't do it to get paid, Alec! I healed my _boyfriend_ because you were hurt!”

And Alec would say something to that.

Something.

Anything.

Only he’s forgotten how to breathe.

Boyfriend.

The word rings in his ears.

_Boyfriend._

Magnus just called him his boyfriend. Alec has been thinking about this, about Magnus that way, but he's been unsure how serious Magnus was about them (and he'd been afraid to ask). Until now.

“Boyfriend?” His own voice sounds small and squeaky.

Magnus looks at him with this odd expression Alec can't quite decipher. Possibly because his brain is still lacking oxygen. He sucks in a shaky breath, feeling himself come undone. And just like that Magnus seems to deflate, anger draining out of him as he crosses the room in three quick strides, coming to stand before Alec.

He touches Alec's elbows, gingerly, as if he's not quite sure the touch is welcome. “Well. That is if you want to be,” he says, soft and almost... hopeful?

Alec can feel the room starting to spin around the edges. He needs to sit down. Like, now. Alec can feel his knees buckling, legs giving out underneath him. His whole body feels strange, alien somehow, as if Alec isn't connected to it anymore.

He dimly registers Magnus’ hands guiding him to the floor.

Boyfriend. Magnus Bane wants to be his boyfriend.

It sounds silly, and yet Alec can't stop his heart hammering in his chest.

“Yes,” he says, smiling. It comes out a little shaky, muscles twitching, like Alec hasn't regained full control over his body yet.

“Yes?” Magnus asks, looking still a little alarmed. His hands are soothingly rubbing up and down Alec's upper arms.

“Yes, I'd like to be your boyfriend,” Alec says, more firmly this time.

There's a smile spreading on Magnus' face, slowly unfurling and Alec realizes it's the small, honest, sincere one. The one he's secretly dubbed Alec's smile because it only ever comes out when Magnus looks at him.

Alec leans forward and presses his lips to Magnus', because it seems like the right thing to do. Magnus' hands grip Alec's biceps more firmly and then Magnus—his boyfriend—kisses him back.

~*~

“I'm sorry I submitted the expense without telling you,” Alec says. Magnus just hums in agreement.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you,” Magnus says, sitting on the floor next to Alec, back propped up against Alec's bed, close enough that their shoulders are touching. “So can we agree that you won't try to compensate me for healing you?”

Alec chews on his bottom lip. “This time? Yeah. Generally?” Alec shrugs. “No.”

It's obviously not the answer Magnus wanted to hear. Alec can see the old anger flare up for a second in Magnus’ eyes, his clenched jaw, but he visibly reigns himself in. “Why?”

“You heal me, you're doing a service to the Institute.”

“I'm not doing it for the Institute,” Magnus interjects in his best “we've been over this”-voice.

“And where would you draw the line?” Alec can feel his irritation rising again, feeding off of Magnus' own. “What about when you're healing Izzy instead of me? Jace? Clary? These are all people I care about. When are you helping me, and when are you helping the Institute? There is no line here, Magnus.”

“So don't pay me,” Magnus says, almost petulant, but Alec doesn't buy it for a second.

“You're the one who always insists on payment. You even wanted something in exchange for defending Izzy.” He can see the anger in Magnus flare up again at those words. “And that was fair,” he says quickly. He isn't angry at Magnus for it. “You should be paid.”

“That was never about the payment, Alec.” Magnus says, voice strained. “I would have defended Izzy regardless. I simply had to make sure what your intentions were.”

“You wanted my bow.” And yeah, Alec's a little surprised to find that one still stings. Technically, his bow is still Magnus’.

“Why do you think I gave it back to you?” Magnus stares at him and his raised eyebrow seems to be mocking Alec. “I just had to make sure you would be willing to do what it took.”

Alec opens his mouth to say something and realizes he's got nothing to say to that. So he shuts it again, feeling horribly stupid right now. And yet… No matter how much he tries to squash it, there’s that little flicker of hope inside his chest. Alec knows he's being stupid right now, but he has to make sure. “When you say 'gave back’...”

Magnus’ gaze softens. “The bow is yours, Alexander. I officially cease any rights I may have held on it and bestow them back onto you. I'll even put it into writing if you want me to,” Magnus adds wryly.

It's like a weight Alec hadn't even been aware he's been carrying suddenly drops away. There are so many thoughts bouncing around his head right now, so many conflicting emotions, he'll have to sort them out some other time. For now, he focuses on the issue at hand.

“I won't have the Institute or any Shadowhunter take advantage of you, Magnus. It shouldn’t matter that we’re together. You help the Institute, you get paid. Fair's fair.”

“Maybe you should just keep me on retainer,” Magnus says. It's meant to be a joke, but it's actually not a stupid idea.

“Maybe,” Alec agrees, mulling it over. They would have to sort out the details of course, but it might be the way to pay Magnus for his services to the Institute without hashing it out every time. Alec can't stand the thought of having another fight like this, much less every time Magnus does some magic.

And that's what this was, wasn't it?

“So was this our first fight?”

He looks at Magnus out of the corner of his eye. This whole thing seems ridiculous in retrospect. Just a simple misunderstanding.

“I guess it was,” Magnus says. And then he looks at Alec. “But you know what the good thing about fighting is?”

Magnus starts to get to his knees. Alec just frowns at him. 

There’s a good thing about fighting? To be honest, Alec feels pretty shitty. This whole thing has been nerve-wracking. He's not particularly looking forward to doing it again. “What?”

Magnus grins wickedly, crawling onto Alec's lap until he can wrap his arms around Alec's neck. “Afterwards, you get to kiss and make up.”

~*~

In retrospect, Magnus had shown uncanny foresight, putting that silencing spell on Alec’s door.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Magnus can't cook. While he's a man of many talents and many hobbies, unfortunately they're all useless ones. He couldn't have chosen an actually valuable hobby like cooking or anything. Much too practical. No, Magnus’ hobbies are much more ethereal, like impressionistic dance and macramé flower pots._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays. :)

Magnus can't cook. While he's a man of many talents and many hobbies, unfortunately they're all useless ones. He couldn't have chosen an actually valuable hobby like cooking or anything. Much too practical. No, Magnus’ hobbies are much more ethereal, like impressionistic dance and macramé flower pots. Four hundred years old and still doesn't know how to make a meal. Then again, Alec supposes Magnus has absolutely no need to learn how to cook when Magnus can just conjure up a meal anytime he likes with a magical wave of his fingertips.

To be fair, Alec can't cook either. He's never seen the need to learn, not when there's a well-stocked kitchen and part-time cook at the Institute, and quite frankly Izzy's valiant attempts at producing something even remotely edible have turned him off the concept of cooking quite thoroughly. However, Alec does like to eat something once in a while.

Alec stares accusingly at the empty fridge, as if it's the fridge's fault that nobody in Magnus' loft ever cooks and therefore nobody stashes any actual food inside it. But it's not like there's anybody else in the loft Alec could stare at right now, with Magnus having been called out on an emergency spirit cleansing or some such shit, leaving Alec alone with only the TV and an empty fridge for company. And there's really no use staring angrily at the TV.

All Alec has been able to scrounge up are two water bottles, a small plastic fish filled with soy sauce that comes with take out dinners, and half a lemon that is three seconds away from growing feet and scrambling off to better lands. There’s also some ice cubes, as well as bottles of vodka, ouzo and some other clear liquid that Alec has the strong suspicion is also alcohol in the freezer. He holds the lemon at an arm’s length and deposits it in the trash. This leaves the fridge with roughly half its contents emptied out. All that’s missing is the sound of crickets.

Alec sighs, shutting the door to the fridge. He's already rooted through all of Magnus' cupboards with similar results. There is absolutely nothing to eat at the loft, and unfortunately for Alec he can't just snap his fingers and have something magically appear. Being a Shadowhunter _sucks_ compared to being a warlock. All Alec knows how to do is destroy things. Well, he supposes he could hunt should he ever be stranded on a deserted island with his bow, but he won't know how to actually prepare a meal out of that. Plus while he's not exactly a vegetarian anymore, his stomach still turns at the thought of actually cutting up an animal to eat. Alec can only hope should he ever be stranded on a deserted island that he'll have Magnus with him. Now there's a thought…

He's abruptly jerked out of his little fantasy by a weird rumbly noise. Alec looks around, senses on alert, but there's nothing to be seen. He cautiously takes a step in the direction of the living room.

His stomach growls again.

Alec looks down at it.

It gurgles.

Fuck, he’s hungry.

Alec is alone in Magnus’ loft for the first time, and he’s already close to starving. Magnus had been in such a rush to leave, he hadn’t even thought to leave Alec a key. Alec can leave, of course, but he wouldn’t be able to get back in. So there’s really only one option. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Alec gets out his cellphone and dials.

~*~

“You are a lifesaver!” Alec proclaims twenty minutes later, opening the door to Magnus’ apartment to let Jace inside. Jace just grunts, shoving Alec’s shoulder on the way past him to deposit the take out boxes in the kitchen. Alec longingly stares after them.

Just the smell of food makes Alec’s stomach give off another loud rumble. Smells like Jace got the mole burritos, and if Alec’s really lucky he even remembered to bring the extra spicy salsa. Fuck, Alec would kill for spicy salsa right now. Or even just a simple taco. He turns back to close the door and just like that his delight turns to horror when he spies Izzy, Clary and Simon all still standing in front of the door.

“Uh.” Alec is 100% certain that the words _‘bring the gang’_ were not uttered at any time during his phone call with Jace. 

“What are they doing here?” he yells over his shoulder in the direction Jace has disappeared in.

“They wanted to come,” Jace yells back from somewhere inside the apartment.

Izzy just rolls her eyes at Alec, neatly side-stepping him. “You didn’t think Jace remembered the way to Magnus’ apartment, did you?”

“Besides,” Clary smiles brightly, shoving a bag into Alec’s hand, “we brought popcorn.”

Simon just smiles awkwardly, holding up a couple of games and controllers and hurries after Clary, as if he’s afraid Alec might shut the door in his face. It’s not an entirely unfounded fear.

Alec closes the door, taking a deep breath. He really should have seen this coming. Magnus will have his head.

“Alec! You coming or what?” Izzy yells from the kitchen and from the sounds of it they’ve already started without him. Alec better get his ass into gear if he wants any nachos. He jogs over to the kitchen, trying his best to grab some food and keep the chaos to a minimum. He’ll have enough time to worry about Magnus later.

~*~

“I was not aware we have company,” Magnus says from the door, voice carefully neutral.

Alec spins around, almost fast enough to give himself whiplash, but Magnus’ poker face holds no answers. Magnus slips out of his jacket while slowly walking towards the living room where Clary and Jace are currently busy destroying each other (and possibly the controllers) in a particularly brutal round of Smash Bros. Simon is yelling, egging on Clary while Izzy has taken Jace’s side, doing impromptu cheerleading chants. All of them are too caught up in the game to really notice Magnus’ entrance.

“Hey!” Alec jumps over the back of the couch, leaving the din of the others behind to meet Magnus halfway. To his relief Magnus doesn’t look angry so much as surprised. Maybe. It’s hard to tell.

There’s a loud whoop, followed by a crash and Alec ducks his head, resisting the urge to turn around.

“Sorry! I’m sorry. I didn’t know they’d come. I just called Jace because you left me here to starve and I didn’t want to die alone, but then they all showed up and I couldn’t very well shut the door in their face, not when they had food so, uhm. Sorry?” Alec’s aware he’s rambling, so he tries to shut up.

Magnus just stares at him, one sceptical eyebrow raised. “Die alone?”

“Yes!” Alec nods, probably a bit more emphatically than is strictly necessary. “And it’s all your fault anyways because you can’t cook!”

A second eyebrow joins Magnus’ first, inching towards his hairline. “Did you have anything to drink, Alexander?”

“Just a beer.” Alec shifts uncomfortably. Magnus’ lack of reaction is unnerving.

“Really? Here, let me smell,” Magnus says, and then he’s drawing Alec in with one hand on the small of his back, until they’re pressed close together.

It’s like some kind of switch has flipped in Alec’s brain, turning off any resistance, some magnetic force field that’s drawing him closer towards Magnus, leaving him putty in his arms. Magnus pretends to sniff Alec’s breath, nose close to Alec’s and Alec’s mesmerized by Magnus’ presence so close to him. He tilts his head down almost out of instinct and Magnus is only too happy to oblige. They kiss, slotting together like puzzle pieces, like Alec was made to be in Magnus’ arms, like this is where he belongs.

Magnus is still as intoxicating as the first time, even more so because Alec isn’t wrecked by nerves anymore. Kissing Magnus has become easy, comfortable, something Alec can wholeheartedly enjoy. He lets himself fall into the kiss, cradling Magnus close in his arms, gently exploring Magnus with his lips and teeth. There’s no urgency in it, just a playful back and forth and while Alec can feel the heat pooling in his belly it doesn’t rush south but simply stays there, warming Alec from the inside.

He’s violently jerked out of his bliss by a commotion from across the room. There are shouts of “awwww” and “look at those two” and above all a male voice yelling “Get a room!”

Oh crap.

Alec has no idea when the normal ruckus of the others has changed to this, their attention turning from the video game to Magnus and Alec. He’s been so lost in the kiss, he doesn’t even know how long Magnus and him have been standing here, putting on a show. Alec had forgotten there was anybody else still here. Fuck. 

He stares doggedly at Magnus, refusing to turn around to face the others. Magnus lets out a small chuckle, more fondly amused than mortally embarrassed like Alec is feeling. Of course Magnus won't let himself feel embarrassed for kissing Alec. Magnus’ eyes shoot a quick look over Alec's shoulder and then quickly flit back to Alec's mouth. He bites his lip, as if he has to physically restrain himself from claiming Alec's mouth again and Alec briefly wonders whether he can just ask Magnus to teleport the others somewhere else so they don't have to stop this. He doesn't, of course, and the moment passes. Magnus straightens himself, gives Alec a brief, reassuring squeeze and saunters over to the others.

"Last time I checked this was still my room," Magnus says with the air of someone who owns not only their house, but also the next couple hundred acres around it. Alec has no idea whether Magnus actually owns the whole building rather than just his loft, but, well, it wouldn’t surprise him.

He reluctantly turns around, because it's less bad than standing there, staring at the wall now that Magnus has gone. Thankfully, everyone in the group is looking at Magnus, paying Alec no mind.

"Ooooh, you brought popcorn!" Magnus croons delightedly, walking right into the middle of their little cluster to grab a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the coffee table. He stuffs nearly the whole handful into his mouth, making his cheeks puff out like a chipmunk’s. "Ho niff of fou!"

Clary starts giggling behind her hand and Magnus turns to wink at her. He steps over Simon's legs to get to the couch, letting himself fall elegantly between the two girls, and easily plucks the controller out of Clary's slack hands. "So, then. Which one of you is the first one clamoring for a smackdown?"

By now, Alec knows Magnus well enough to realize he’s doing this for Alec. Making a spectacle out of himself so the others will focus on him, giving Alec a reprieve, some much needed space to compose himself. Alec has no idea what he’s done to deserve such a perfect boyfriend.

Being the most reckless of the bunch, Jace goes first, all bravado and big mouth, and Alec isn't the only one a little shocked when Magnus wipes the floor with him. It takes no time at all for the ruckus to start back up again, insults flying freely as Magnus and Jace enthusiastically abuse their controllers to propel their characters across the screen. It's utter madness and Magnus fits right in, laughing and cajoling, giving as good as he gets.

Izzy looks back, catching Alec's gaze and beckons him closer with a small nod of her head. Alec sighs and goes back over to the rest of them, sliding into place on the couch next to Magnus in the spot that Izzy has just vacated for him. She smiles at him, proud and happy, and it’s just one of those moments where they don’t need words to understand each other. Alec smiles back, grateful, and takes a handful of the popcorn she’s offered him.

Magnus’ usually pristine living room has turned into a warzone, littered with discarded clothes and empty take out containers. There’s popcorn on the floor from when Jace had accidentally knocked over the bowl and Alec is mildly surprised nothing has been broken or spilled on the couch. Yet.

There’s also an actual war being fought after Magnus and Jace had realized they’d be absolutely unstoppable as a team, but Izzy, Clary and Simon are grimly determined to dig in and make their last stand. Alec wisely decided to stay out of this one. Someone is going to have to clean up in the end.

Everything is loud and chaotic and generally a wild mess, but he's surrounded by family, the people he loves, and Alec couldn't be happier.

~*~

Taco Tuesdays become a regular thing.

Except they end up being Pizza and Wings Wednesdays or Kung Pao Saturday Afternoons, but _‘Spontaneous Let's Order Takeout and All Get Together to Take Over Magnus’ Loft Semi-regular Meetups’_ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, so Taco Tuesdays it is.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Alec traces the ridge of Magnus’ shoulders, a long line from the outside in and then all the way up his neck, up to the edge of Magnus’ hairline. Magnus lets out a happy sigh, arching into Alec’s touch._
> 
> _“Dear god, where have those clever fingers of yours been all my life?” And it’s less the words than the way he says them, in that dark timbre that holds so much promise, insinuating so much more, that has the tips of Alec’s ears burning._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, it's been a struggle finding both the time and the headspace to work on this fic. Clearly I'm in desperate need of those two lovebirds returning to our screens. (Who's with me?) Anywhoo, here's your January chapter. (Sssh, don't look at the calendar, look at the shiny new fic. I totally made the deadline ^^; ) Welcome to 2018! Has this fic been really going for over a year? Oh my. To all those who are still with us, thank you for your continued patience and support. And as always much love to my betas Lu, Schrehn and D.

Magnus’ loft is dark, lights dimmed low. The vintage stereo is playing one of Magnus’ old records, some slow, moody jazz music. Alec’s just gotten off the phone with Izzy. Apparently everything is fine at the Institute without him there. He walks back into the living room, where Magnus had sat down with a glass of wine as Alec had excused himself to go make his call. The glass of wine stands forgotten on the low coffee table, nearly untouched as far as Alec can tell. He looks around, but he can’t see Magnus. 

That’s weird.

Alec is pretty sure Magnus would have told him if he had to step out for some reason. He walks around, until he can see the full couch. Magnus is sitting on the sofa, slumped over to the side, head resting on the armrest in what looks like a rather uncomfortable position. Alec winces, seeing Magnus contorted like that, but Magnus doesn’t seem to care. He’s dead to the world, snoring slightly in his sleep.

It’s… well.

Alec would never admit this out loud (especially not to Magnus), but it’s kind of adorable.

Alec kneels down in front of the couch. He hesitates for a moment, wondering whether he should just let Magnus sleep. Magnus has had an exhausting day, or rather a very long night. From what Alec has been able to piece together, a spell had gone awry, causing a couple of hours of cleanup, and then Magnus had been called out to help an injured werewolf. By the time he got back to the apartment around seven o’clock, he’d been on his feet for well over 24 hours. Alec had suggested they move their date, giving Magnus time to sleep, but Magnus had insisted Alec come over. He’d been yawning his way through dinner and Alec’s mildly surprised Magnus lasted as long as he did.

There’s a lock of hair falling into Magnus’ eyes, moving with every breath and Alec gently tucks it back behind Magnus’ ear. Magnus sniffles, lips moving soundlessly, and Alec almost doesn’t have the heart to wake him. But he can’t let him sleep on the couch for the whole night, either.  
He’s still debating what to do, when Magnus’ eyes suddenly fly open, staring at Alec in their natural cat-like form. Alec stares back, hand frozen behind Magnus’ ear. 

Shit. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Sorry, I wasn’t… Didn’t mean to wake you,” Alec stammers, mentally berating himself for touching Magnus at all. Maybe he should’ve just let him sleep after all.

Magnus blinks and when he opens his eyes again, they’re back to their usual dark glamour. 

“Alec?” He asks, blinking as if his eyes have trouble focusing.

“Yeah,” Alec says, cradling Magnus’ cheek, just a feather light touch to let Magnus know he’s there.

Magnus hums and presses his face against Alec’s hand, nudging him, not unlike a cat wanting to be petted. Alec smiles, scratching Magnus behind the ear, and Magnus promptly leans into the touch.

“Ow.” Magnus makes a face when his back pipes up in protest at the movements. His hand comes up to the back of his neck, rubbing at it.

“Did you get a crick in your neck already?” Alec drops his hand to Magnus’ shoulder, fingers digging into the muscles there and Magnus lets out a surprisingly loud groan, somewhere between pain and pleasure.

Okay then.

“Here, let me.” Alec coaxes Magnus up, turning him around so Alec can slide into a sitting position behind him on the sofa. He rests his hands on Magnus’ shoulders, thumbs digging into the tense muscles and Magnus lets out a string of profanities that has Alec’s ears burning. He stops immediately, alarmed. “Did I hurt you?”

“By all that is holy, Alec, _don’t stop_ ,” Magnus nearly growls.

Alec’s taken aback by Magnus’ ferocity, so much so that he obeys on autopilot, digging his thumbs back in, kneading Magnus’ stiff muscles. Magnus lets out another one of those deep, guttural groans and lets his head hang forward, giving himself over to Alec’s mercy.

He tries to be as gentle as possible. Alec hates that he’s hurting Magnus, can see it in the way his whole back stiffens when Alec finds a particularly sore spot, yet Alec knows that the only way to make it better is to work through the pain. So he kneads his fingers into a particularly stiff spot, working at it until it melts away and then presses his lips to the nape of Magnus’ neck, kissing the sting away. Magnus sighs happily and shifts, arching into the kiss.

His muscles are becoming looser under Alec’s hand, more pliable, and with it Magnus’ noises wander from pained towards pleasured. It seems to loosen up his tongue as well. 

Alec traces the ridge of Magnus’ shoulders, a long line from the outside in and then all the way up his neck, up to the edge of Magnus’ hairline. Magnus lets out a happy sigh, arching into Alec’s touch.

“Dear god, where have those clever fingers of yours been all my life?” And it’s less the words than the way he says them, in that dark timbre that holds so much promise, insinuating so much more, that has the tips of Alec’s ears burning.

It’s like the tiredness has erased any filter Magnus usually has, making him groan and moan and curse with an almost obscene intensity, and Alec tries to remind himself that there’s nothing sexual about this. He’s just giving his boyfriend a backrub, just like he would Izzy or Jace, nothing to it really.

Except it’s Magnus.

Alec can’t help it. Whenever he touches Magnus, there’s always this level of electricity between them. Not downright sexual, but charged somehow, never as innocent as with other people.

Maybe it’s just Alec’s jumped up sex drive. Ever since that first handjob, Alec’s been thinking about sex. Kind of… kind of a whole lot. He’s also been thinking a lot about Magnus. And, well, thoughts of one usually lead to thoughts of the other. Not that he and Magnus haven’t been busy putting some of those thoughts into actions. Alec certainly isn’t complaining. But all their action just leads to more thoughts and… It’s a vicious circle. Alec figures he has about five years to make up for.

But dammit, not right now.

Magnus’ comments don't exactly help the matter, either.

“You—aaah, you've been a very naughty boy, Alexander, holding out on me like that.” Magnus’ voice sounds almost sultry, sending heat through Alec’s body, pooling low in his belly (and high on his cheeks). It’s a mercy Magnus can't see him right now.

Alec distracts himself by focusing on the movements. He rubs his knuckles over Magnus’ shoulders, tracing the curves of his shoulders, of muscles and bones, slowly rubbing out the day’s stress in ever widening circles. It’s entirely innocent, and yet Alec can’t help but feel a little curious what it might feel like, letting his hands wander a little lower, not only over Magnus’ shoulders but over his whole back. Touching Magnus, giving him a proper massage. Maybe even without clothes. Feeling the stress and tension drain away under his fingers, hearing Magnus’ little sighs and moans. His desperate little pleas of “Alec” and “fuck, yes” and “don’t stop” that sound so much like sex, Alec's already half-hard in his pants, no matter how much he tries to remind himself that this has nothing to do with it. 

“You wanna take this into the bedroom?” Magnus asks, looking at Alec over his shoulder. His eyes are half-lidded with fatigue, giving this whole statement an unintended lascivious note. Alec flushes and desperately tries to get his mind out of the gutter.

This is not about sex.

No matter how much Alec might yearn for Magnus’ touch, how delicious Magnus feels, warm and pliable in Alec’s arms. Magnus looks so incredibly kissable right now, looking at Alec over his shoulder with warm eyes, lips slightly parted. It would be so easy. All Alec would have to do is lean forward, bring their lips together. He can picture it perfectly, how Magnus would taste, the last remnants of red wine still on his lips, his little sigh as his eyes slide closed and he gives himself over to—

Fuck.

Alec needs to stop. There’s a time and a place, and Alec’s not about to ravish his severely sleep-deprived boyfriend.

He only wishes his dick would get the message.

Still, the bedroom sounds like a good idea. Magnus would probably be a lot more comfortable in his bed, where he can stretch out and Alec won't have to worry about him falling asleep on the couch.

“Yeah,” he says, “think you can make it there?”

To be honest, Magnus doesn't look like he'd make it three feet without keeling over.

Magnus narrows his eyes, going nearly cross-eyed, as if this is a really hard question he's gonna have to think about. 

“I don't know,” he finally admits, frowning, puzzled by his own inability to figure this out. He must be really tired.

“Hold on,” Alec says, extracting himself from behind Magnus. It takes some wriggling and awkward hopping on one foot, but he manages to free himself without falling on his ass or knocking anything over.

Score. Alec: 1. Gravity: 0.

Spurred on by his recent success, Alec bends down to scoop his boyfriend up in his arms, one hand under Magnus' knees and the other around his back. Magnus gives a surprised little yelp and slings his arms around Alec's neck a little tighter than is strictly necessary. He’s surprisingly heavy. So much so that Alec needs a moment to adjust to the weight in his arms, find his balance again, before he sets off towards the bedroom.

Magnus smiles at him, a dopey little smile, loose and unguarded. 

“Who knew you were so strong?” He mumbles, more to himself than a proper question, and lets his head fall onto Alec's shoulder. 

A second later, Alec can feel Magnus' lips on his neck, sucking gently on his pulse point, tongue tracing his deflect rune. It has the same effect it always does, sending a red hot spike down Alec’s spine, making his dick twitch with definite interest, and Alec has to grit his teeth and focus all his energy on not dropping Magnus.

“Magnus.” It's half a plea for Magnus to stop distracting Alec and half a warning because they're nearing Magnus' bedroom door and Alec will have to set Magnus down to open the door. He hopes Magnus will be able to make the few steps over to his bed on his own.

Magnus looks up and then does a careless wave with his fingers. The bedroom door bursts open, nearly flying off its hinges, crashing into the wall with a loud thump. 

Alec nearly has a heart attack. It's a good thing his instinctive response is to cradle Magnus closer to his chest instead of dumping him on the floor and going for his seraph blade.

“Oops,” Magnus says and then starts giggling.

Giggling!

This is strange behavior even for Magnus. Maybe he's drunk? But he’d hardly touched his wineglass all night. Maybe something happened tonight that broke Magnus. Maybe after four hundred years the strain has finally become too much and he cracked. Given the kind of shit Magnus deals with on a daily basis, Alec wouldn’t be all that surprised.

Now that the door is open though, Alec might as well carry him all the way. He’ll just make sure Magnus gets into bed safely, and then go back to the Institute. They can always use an extra hand.

Magnus’ laughter slowly dissolves into what sounds like tiny hiccups. It's horribly cute (and a little disconcerting).

Alec gently sets Magnus down on the bed, fully intending to let his boyfriend sleep in peace and go home (and maybe even take care of himself, or at least grab a cold shower), but Magnus has other plans. He doesn't let go of Alec's neck when Alec tries to rise.

“Don't go,” Magnus pleads, voice small and petulant like a child's. He reminds Alec of Max, trying hard to put on a brave face even when it's plain to see he's still scared of the dark.

“Magnus—” Alec tries tugging slightly on Magnus’ arms. It's as far as he gets.

Instead of arguing, Magnus simply looks at him, eyes huge and round, pleading with Alec not to leave him, only Alec's pretty sure it's not because Magnus is scared of the monsters under his bed.

It's not fair. 

Alec can feel his resolve crumbling like a dried out sandcastle in the wind. One of these days he'll have to learn how to say no to Magnus.

Today is not that day.

Besides, Alec's half afraid if he doesn't say yes Magnus will just cling to his neck for the rest of the night, physically preventing Alec from leaving.

“Fine,” he relents, idly rubbing circles over Magnus’ arms, “but you're gonna have to let me go so I can get into bed.”

“Promise you won't leave?” Magnus asks, lower lip stuck out in a pout that makes Alec forget to breathe for a second. He clamps down on the desire to capture that bottom lip between his teeth, claim Magnus' mouth with his. His dick gives a little twitch and Alec bites down on the inside of his cheek. Magnus is tired and exhausted, the last thing he needs right now is a boyfriend who can't keep it in his pants.

“Promise.” As if Alec had enough willpower to say no to that even if he wanted to.

The pressure of Magnus' arms on his neck eases, but Magnus doesn't actually take his arms down. Alec presses a quick kiss to Magnus' lips, a chaste peck all he will allow himself right now. It's a close call, too. He can feel Magnus' grip tightening again, but he's already ducked out of it, putting some much needed distance between himself and Magnus.

Space, even if it’s just to the other side of the bed, seems like a great idea right now. So Alec busies himself with getting ready for bed. He takes his time plugging in his phone (no new messages), making sure it’s set to ring in case of an emergency. His keys and stele are next, joining his phone on the nightstand in a neat row. He briefly considers the hilt of his seraph blade before adding it to the collection.

After that, there’s only one thing left to do. Alec shrugs out of his jacket and jeans, folding them over the armchair in the corner, leaving Alec only in a dark t-shirt and his boxer briefs. He sends a nervous glance over at Magnus, who's watching him with half-lidded eyes. The gaze does nothing to settle the roiling tumult in Alec's stomach.

It's broken seconds later when Magnus lets out a huge yawn, coming dangerously close to actually unhinging his jaw. It had happened to Alec once. One healthy yawn, a crack and just like that he hadn't been able to close his mouth anymore. Jace and Izzy had had a field day, trying out all kinds of things (and runes) to heal Alec in between bouts of laughter, marshmallow throwing contests and witty comments at Alec's expense. Alec doesn't even want to imagine the kind of jokes he'd be getting now.

While Alec’s been getting ready for bed, Magnus has been lounging on the covers, still fully dressed. Well that won’t do.

Alec steps over to the foot of the bed, untying Magnus' snakeskin shoes so he can slip them off. It’s only after he’s loosened all the laces, that Alec spies the zipper going up the sides. Go figure. Alec briefly contemplates lacing them all up again, and then figures Magnus can tie his own shoes in the morning. Serves him right for just lying there like a dead weight, not helping one single bit.

How is nothing ever easy with Magnus?

Alec manages to wrestle Magnus' shoes off, setting them down near the entrance of Magnus' walk-in closet, but he's got no idea how he's going to get Magnus out of the rest of his clothes if he won’t cooperate.

Magnus is wearing a full ensemble tonight, blazer, waistcoat, shirt and pants plus his usual amount of jewelry. All that's missing for a perfect entrance is a bowtie and a top hat. For starters, there's a chain linked through his shirt buttons that Alec hasn't got the faintest idea how to unravel.

He rounds the bed, trying to pry Magnus at least out of his blazer. It’s way too warm to sleep in and it’s already quite rumpled. Alec's slightly worried Magnus might suffer a heat stroke in it. More likely he'll just wake up in the middle of the night feeling hot, sweaty and absolutely miserable, but Alec would like to spare him that as well.

“C'mon, Magnus.” Alec realizes he's close to whining, but Magnus is proving entirely uncooperative, having decided that he'd much rather try to braid Alec's hair than to help Alec get himself undressed. “You can't sleep in this.” He prods Magnus’ shoulder, to no avail. “Please help me get you out of these clothes.”

At that, Magnus seems to perk up.

“Honey, all you had to do was ask,” he drawls lecherously, with none of his usual tact. Alec breathes a sigh of relief and then nearly suffers his second heart attack of the night when Magnus doesn't sit up, but simply magicks his clothes away.

_All_ of his clothes.

Alec blinks, staring at his suddenly stark-naked boyfriend, still lounging on top of the covers.

“Poof,” Magnus says and starts giggling. Again.

Alec studiously trains his gaze on Magnus' face. “Magnus,” he says, speaking very slowly and clearly, “why did you take off all your clothes?”

“You told me to.”

“I meant…” Alec loses his train of thought when Magnus sticks out his tongue, going a little cross-eyed in the attempt to see whether he can lick his own nose. (He can't.) “Nevermind. Don't you have pajamas?”

“Yeah,” Magnus says. It comes out a little slurred because he didn't bother to stick his tongue back in first.

“Why don't you put them on?” Alec suggests and then quickly leans back as Magnus moves in towards Alec's face, tongue first, in what looks like an attempt to try and lick _Alec's_ nose. Undeterred, Magnus follows and ends up overbalancing, smushing his face into Alec’s chest.

“Trrntfrsleepng,” Magnus mumbles into Alec's t-shirt.

“What?”

“They're not for sleeping.” Magnus actually summons up the energy to lift his head so he can shoot Alec a “d’uh, dummy”-look. As if the fact that pajamas aren't for sleeping is patently obvious.

“Uuh.” Alec has no idea how to proceed from here. He's tempted to find out what pajamas are for in Magnus' opinion (and a teeny tiny part of Alec actually worries whether he's had it wrong all this time—Magnus is the fashion expert, after all), but decides to focus on the issue at hand instead. “What do you wear to sleep, then?”

Maybe Magnus simply sleeps in his underwear. Maybe he has special sleep underwear. Alec's own jammies are just a raggedy old t-shirt of his, worn thin in spots but heavenly soft, and whichever boxers he happens to have on.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing what?”

Magnus yawns, a hearty yawn he doesn't even bother to hide behind a hand and snuggles himself more comfortably against Alec's chest. “I sleep naked.”

Alec’s first instinct is to object. He’s seen Magnus in pajamas. Or morning gowns. Or whatever the hell you call it in proper fashion terms. But that… well, that was always in the morning, after Magnus had clearly showered. He’s never seen Magnus get ready for bed. Of the few times that Alec’s spent the night at Magnus' loft, he’d either fallen asleep before Magnus came to bed or they had fallen asleep after doing… things that generally implied nakedness. Regardless, Magnus had been up and dressed by the time Alec had woken up.

For all Alec knows, Magnus might usually sleep naked.

Now there’s a new thought.

Alec allows himself exactly three breaths to think about it before clamping down on that train of thought. Magnus does not need a horny Alec right now who can’t keep his mind out of the gutter or his fingers to himself. Magnus needs _rest_.

Okay then.

Alec takes a deep breath. He can do this.

He manages to pull away without letting Magnus fall off the bed, ignoring the little mewl of protest (that absolutely shouldn’t be hot, fuck, what is wrong with him?) long enough to climb into bed next to Magnus. On his side of the bed. But then Magnus makes another whine, small and desperate (and very much _not. sexual._ ), pawing at the empty air, and Alec obediently scoots closer. Magnus immediately snuggles up to him, body curled towards Alec, head on his shoulder.

It’d be pretty comfortable, except—

Magnus is still lying on top of the covers.

It's pretty warm in the bedroom, but Alec still worries Magnus might get cold in the night. Especially since he's got nothing to wear. (Don’t think about it.) Alec tries to tug at the covers without dislodging Magnus, whose eyes have already drifted almost closed. He succeeds only partway, managing to free enough of the sheet to cover Magnus' middle. It's going to have to be enough. Alec wraps his arm around Magnus’ shoulder, trying to give him some body warmth where the sheet doesn't reach. Magnus gives a little sigh but otherwise doesn't stir.

It's only after Magnus has fallen asleep, breathing evened out into long, deep breaths, that Alec realizes it's much too early for him to sleep. Compared to Izzy and Jace he's an early sleeper, early riser, but even he won't go to bed before eleven and it's barely past eight. His phone is already plugged into the charger that magically appeared (possibly quite literally) on his side of the bed after the last time he'd spent the night, too far out of reach right now nestled up against Magnus as he is.

Well, fuck.

Alec’s got three options:

  1. Fall asleep
  2. Extricate himself from Magnus
  3. Wait



Since 1. seems practically impossible right now and 2. would mean risking to wake up Magnus, Alec’s really only got one choice. Wait until Magnus shifts in his sleep or until he’s tired enough to fall asleep himself. Awesome. At least Alec is decently comfortable, slightly propped up against one of Magnus’ enormous, fluffy down pillows.

He lets his gaze wander around the room. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before. The intricate wood carvings, the four poster bed, the stuffy armchair, the entrance to Magnus’ walk-in closet. Everything in here is so very Magnus and yet Alec likes it here, likes it almost more than his own bedroom back at the Institute. It’s cozy, intimate somehow, even though this room is so much bigger than Alec’s own. Somehow, Magnus manages to fill the space, to make it homey. Even so, the main reason why Alec likes this room might be that being in this room means Magnus is nearby, because it is Magnus’ apartment after all.

Alec lets his gaze fall onto Magnus, sleeping peacefully in his arms. Magnus’ chest is slowly rising and falling with his breaths, hair a wild mess going in every which direction. He’s still got his makeup on, dark eyeliner and faint traces of glitter, but it’s a little smudged, faded out after a long day. Magnus’ dark hair and makeup is in striking contrast to the rest of his body, perfect golden skin stretching on as far as the eye can see. Only his nails are also dark, painted with some iridescent glitter polish. Unlike Alec, Magnus doesn’t have any hair on his chest, hardly has any on his arms and legs, either. He's really only got hair… Alec blushes just thinking about it. And yet he can’t stop himself from looking, even though Magnus’ middle is covered by the sheet right now.

Alec has studied Magnus’ face countless times, but he’s never had the time to actually look at Magnus’ body. Well, Magnus has a tendency to leave his shirts helpfully unbuttoned, so Alec’s seen his chest plenty of times, but not the rest of Magnus’ body. The few times they’d actually gotten naked or nearly naked with each other, Alec had been too preoccupied with other things to really look. Besides, he doesn’t want to be rude, staring at Magnus. Alec hates it when people stare at him, even Magnus’ gaze still makes him feel uncomfortable, or at least self-conscious. So he tries never to stare too long. But right now, Magnus is fast asleep, so there’s really no harm in sneaking a peek, is there?

He shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t, but fuck, Alec’s resisted too many temptations tonight. He hasn’t touched Magnus, not in the way he wanted to. And he won’t. He’ll just… look. Chances are Magnus wouldn’t even mind. Just a peek, and then he’ll let Magnus sleep in peace.

Alec moves his arm carefully, sliding it slowly down until his hand is somewhere around Magnus’ waist. Just high enough to grip the edge of the sheet with his fingertips, peeling it back. Slowly. Carefully. Inch by inch. Uncovering Magnus, so he can sneak a look. Alec feels like a pervert, ogling Magnus without his permission, and yet he just can't resist looking. There’s a strange fascination keeping him enthralled, mixed in with the thrill of doing something you’re not supposed to be doing.

Magnus is lying on his side, curled slightly inwards, head nestled in the crook of Alec’s shoulder and one leg touching Alec’s, knee to shin. It leaves Alec with a nice view down Magnus’ body. His chest and abs are less defined than Alec's, giving him none of those ugly bumps. Instead, Magnus’ chest is a plane shaped by the soft definition of curves, round pecs with dark nipples just begging for attention, a smooth stomach that shows just the beginnings of a six-pack, testament to Magnus’ strength without marring the perfect slope of his body. The slope that leads right down to Magnus’ hip bones, muscles just enough to define an enticing V that leads to...

Magnus’ soft cock is lying in a nest of dark pubic hair, neatly trimmed. Even flaccid like this, it’s beautiful. Alec curls his fingers into a fist, trying to stifle the desire to touch Magnus’ cock, to feel the silky soft skin beneath his fingertips, make it come alive under his hands, to fill it with desire until it’s stiff and straining for Alec’s attention. If Alec concentrates, he can almost remember the feeling of Magnus’ cock, warm and firm in his hand, the slight tickle of Magnus’ breath against his neck, can still hear the faint echo of Magnus’ moans and sighs and little encouragements.

Alec wants to do more than touch. He wants to taste Magnus, kiss him everywhere, lick the sweat from his skin, feel him hot and heavy in his mouth. He wonders what Magnus’ cock would taste like. Imagines licking away the precum forming at the tip, running his tongue over the head, wrapping his lips around Magnus’ shaft, hearing the groan when he engulfs Magnus with his mouth, sucking on his cock.

The thoughts have the blood rushing towards Alec’s cock. There are so many things he’d like to do with Magnus, so many things still undiscovered. He wants to try them all. With Magnus. In time.

Wants to feel Magnus’ lips on his dick, feel the wet heat of Magnus’ mouth on him. Alec has never gotten a blowjob in his life, but he bets it’ll feel amazing. Just the thought of seeing Magnus taking Alec into his mouth, swallowing him down is almost enough to make Alec see stars. His dick is straining against his boxer briefs now, desire rushing through Alec’s body to pool in his stomach, like a pit of hot lava.

Alec clenches his fist, fingernails digging into his palm, but it doesn’t help. Seeing Magnus like this, open and unguarded, feeling him in his arms, warm and peaceful, trusting Alec to watch over him… he can’t help these thoughts.

Alec presses the heel of his right hand against his groin, trying to stifle his erection. Everything about this is wrong, and yet he can’t seem to stop himself. Like his body is completely detached from his mind, ignoring all commands in favor of indulging its own fantasies.

Alec tries to focus on his breathing. Measured breaths, in and out, following the rhythm of Magnus' chest rising and falling. He closes his eyes, but that just makes his brain supply images of Alec on his knees, up close and personal with Magnus' dick, Magnus’ fingers in Alec's hair, simultaneously reassurance and soft encouragement, that tentative first lick, Magnus' taste flooding his tongue… Alec bites his lip in the effort to stifle a groan and lets his eyes fly open again.

This isn't helping. At all.

The pressure from his hand does nothing to decrease the pressure in Alec’s groin. It’s torture. He can’t touch himself. Not with Magnus sleeping right next to him. But he can’t leave either. Alec is trapped by his own desires.

_Caught between a warlock and a hard place_ , an inner voice supplies. One that sounds suspiciously like his sister. _Haha, Izzy, very funny_ , Alec thinks in reply, grumbling.

Alec has to focus on something else. Something that has nothing to do with sex.

Something like... his parents. That worked the last time they were out in Central Park.

When they grew up, Izzy had always been the troublemaker, loud and brash and strong-headed, while Alec had been quiet and obedient. Their parents had thrown that in Izzy's face more than once. ‘Why can't you be more like your brother?’ Well, Alec supposes they'll stop using that line now. It's taken him over twenty years to find the courage to stand up to his parents, something Izzy has done all her life. She's a rebellious spirit, much like Jace, never giving a shit what anyone else thinks. Alec will never be like that, but he won't apologize for being with Magnus. Not when Magnus is the best thing that ever happened to Alec. (Once he'd finally managed to scrounge up the courage to actually listen to what his heart had been trying to tell him almost since the moment they met, anyways.)

Relations with his parents have been strained ever since the wedding. His mother misses no opportunity to let Alec feel how deeply he has disappointed her and is continuing to do so by his refusal to stop seeing Magnus. 

The last time they spoke, she’d been dropping in to hand over some Clave documents, new orders, making sure everything was running smoothly. Not trusting his work, his reports. Alec had almost managed to avoid her the whole time, but she’d cornered him by the elevators shortly before she was due to portal back to Idris.

“If only you’d stop this nonsense, we could all go back to being a family again,” She’d whisper-shouted, voice quiet but insistent.

“What nonsense?” Alec almost considered making a scene, if just to spite her. She loathed any kind of public display of discord, always obsessed with her image, what other people thought. Showed how desperate she was, cornering him like this, or maybe she hoped the exposed spot would keep Alec from talking back.

But she didn’t rise to his bait. “Honestly Alec, aren’t you too old for this foolishness?”

She looked at him then, the way she used to look at him, fond and loving. It made her next words sting even worse. “You were always so bright, I don’t understand why you keep doing this to us. Does he have you under some spell? You know the Silent Brothers—”

He’d opened his mouth, to reply, to say something, even though he knew it was futile. She was never going to understand. She didn’t _want_ to understand. He turned on his heels instead, left her standing there before he started screaming. Or worse.

It makes Alec angry just thinking about it. He's done everything for his family, he's never put himself first, always choosing duty over fun, and the one time he actually follows his heart it's thrown back into his face like this. His mother would have preferred to see Alec live a lie for the rest of his life than to see him happy and that thought _hurts_.

So yeah, it's fair to say that relations with his parents are at an all time low. With them being back in Idris, busy scouting for any trace of Valentine, eager to please the Clave’s every whim, it's not like they have much to talk about either. It’s been… tough. On the one hand the relative silence makes it easier to forget about it all, to focus on his work, on Magnus, but on the other… It’s hard not to let the resentment fester. Every day of silence builds up Alec’s anxiety, the dread of the next talk. The next fight. Every day pushes Alec a little further away from them.

Izzy is of the firm belief that their mother will come around given sufficient time (maybe a century or two will do) and while there hadn't really been an opportunity to bring it up with Jace, Alec's pretty sure he already knows what his answer would be. The only person in the world whose opinion matters to Jace is his own. If Jace thinks something is the right thing to do (or he’s in one of his moods and just fucking feels like it), he’ll do it regardless what Alec, Izzy or anybody else has to say on the matter. He’s dated seelies, mundanes, any number of girls, he’s disobeyed direct orders countless times, broken rules just for the fun of breaking them. Always getting himself into trouble, and Alec right along with him. The whole thing with Clary had just been the latest in a long string—

Actually, Jace might put some stock into Clary’s opinion. At least she had seemed to be the one getting through to him the last time he was in one of his self-destructive moods, hell-bent on just storming into that demon’s lair, consequences be damned. Although Alec has no idea whether that still holds, now that they’re siblings. Or rather, now that they know they are.

Truth be told, Alec doesn’t know a lot of things about Jace anymore. Even though they’ve made up, they’re still on shaky ground. They’ve never been really good at talking, it just used to be that they didn’t really need to. Jace was the one person in the world who always seemed to understand Alec, no words necessary. That’s what made them parabatai. Izzy used to joke that sometimes she couldn’t even tell where Alec stopped and Jace began, they were so in sync, practically joined at the hip.

He misses his best friend.

Ever since Clary showed up, Alec’s life has become this complicated mess. Compared to now, his life used to be downright boring. Then again, it’s hard to feel resentful when, if Clary hadn’t shown up, he might never have met Magnus, much less started dating him. 

As if on cue, Magnus gives a little sigh and settles closer against Alec, arm thrown over Alec’s body in a possessive hug. Alec hasn’t slept with a stuffed animal since he was seven and his parents decided that he was too old for that, but he supposes this is what Mr. Snuffles must have felt like, gripped tightly in Alec’s arms and sometimes getting a little damp with drool. He wonders whether Magnus ever had a teddy bear growing up. It’s hard to imagine.

Even now, peaceful and relaxed, slumbering tightly, Magnus still has that certain air of grace about him. As if his limbs are simply incapable of looking gangly and awkward like Alec’s always do. Magnus’ hair looks artfully tousled instead of a horrible crow’s nest like Alec’s would get, and even his makeup, while subtly smudged, is a far cry from the raccoon eyes Izzy wakes up with after a long night out. 

He’s simply perfect.

The longer Alec stares at Magnus in his arms, taking in every little detail from the way his eyelashes fan against his cheek to the chipped corner of Magnus’ nail polish on his right thumb, the stronger this feeling inside Alec grows until it’s nearly painful, spreading out from his chest to engulf his whole body. This feeling that the man beside him, sleeping peacefully in his arms right now, is a gift, the most precious gift that Alec has ever received, and he’s got no idea what he’s done to deserve it.

Alec cradles Magnus closer, careful not to disturb him but needing to feel the soft, warm skin and solid bone of Magnus’ shoulder beneath his hand. He still cannot believe his luck that Magnus is actually his. That Magnus likes Alec the same way Alec likes him. And Alec likes Magnus. So much that he would do anything to protect him. That he’d rather be hurt a thousand times over than see Magnus hurt.

Before, Alec always used to think that people exaggerate when they said things like that. That they were platitudes, words people use but don’t really mean. But Alec means them. And it’s...

It’s scary, the kind of power Magnus has over Alec just by being there. Terrifying. Because it opens up the possibility that one day Magnus might not be there anymore. He might grow tired of Alec, finally find something better. One day, Magnus might leave. Or die. Be ripped from Alec’s life, by choice or force. And Alec doesn’t know whether he’ll be able to survive that.

The mere thought of losing Magnus is so gut-wrenchingly horrible, constricting Alec’s chest, tears welling up behind his eyes, it feels like someone has ripped Alec’s heart right out of him. There’s nothing Alec wouldn’t do for Magnus, no favor too big to ask. He’d do anything to make Magnus happy. It’s the most terrifying feeling Alec’s ever felt. To realize the kind of power Magnus has over him. Alec’s life isn’t his own anymore. He’s inextricably linked to Magnus. Heart and soul. And just like that, he knows. Knows, suddenly, with absolute clarity, what he’s been too blind to see before.

He loves Magnus.

Somewhere along the lines, this fancy, the initial attraction has morphed into something deeper, something so tightly entwined with Alec’s core that it’s become a piece of Alec. Or maybe it’s been there all along and Alec has just finally given up his last piece of resistance and accepted it. Either way, the truth stares Alec in the eye right now, naked and simple and unabashed, and Alec has no idea how it has taken him so long to realize.

Alec loves Magnus. And not only in the “you're totally hot, let's have sex” kind of way, but in the "I love you, let's make babies and grow old together" way (minus any actual babies, of course).

Magnus Bane is the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

It seems silly, in retrospect, to think that he ever had a choice in the matter. Magnus has held Alec’s heart in his hands since pretty much the moment they met. There had been something, that spark, this connection that had rocked Alec to his core the moment Magnus had introduced himself. It had left Alec reeling in a way that left him incapable of forming a complete sentence. And every encounter since, Magnus has dazzled and enthralled him.

At first, Alec had thought it was the glitter, that flamboyant touch. Or the blatant flirting. The fact that someone noticed him at all, singled him out when Izzy and Jace were right there, so much prettier and more confident and hotter than Alec. The first time they had touched, Alec grasping Magnus’ hand to complete the circle to summon the memory demon, it was almost like an electric current had run through them. Alec had put it down to Magnus’ magic at the time, but now he wonders whether that was truly all it was.

Every part of Alec had rebelled against the thought that he might actually have feelings for Magnus, because it just couldn’t be. He had fought tooth and nail when the real fight had long been over. Alec had been so deeply in denial, it wasn’t even funny anymore. Not when everybody around him seemed to know what was going on. Isabelle had tried talking to him more than once, how he was throwing his life away by marrying Lydia. Alec had disagreed. Of course he had. Alec had always known that he would marry a Shadowhunter one day, do what was expected of him, carry on the family legacy. Lydia had been a natural choice. He liked her, and she seemed to like him well enough. They would have made a solid partnership. He might even have learned to love her one day, if Magnus hadn’t come first to steal his heart away.

Marrying Lydia would have broken Alec’s heart without him even knowing it. 

Hell, even Jace had let a couple of comments slip. Magnus had been able to see it, too, had tried to tell Alec as much. Alec had genuinely listened, he just hadn’t thought it possible that his heart might want to be with Magnus Bane, that anybody could ever be more important than doing what the Clave, his family, his parents wanted, what was expected of him. How dead wrong he had been.

There’s nothing more important than Magnus.

Alec had finally understood when Magnus walked into that church and suddenly everything felt horribly wrong. Marrying Lydia felt wrong when it had seemed so right before. So wrong that Alec couldn’t bring himself to do it anymore. Not when Magnus was standing right there, looking at Alec with a mixture of hope and desperation and every fibre in Alec’s body had screamed for Magnus.

Like two planets, orbiting each other, gravitation pulling them towards each other in a spiral that grew tighter and tighter, Alec and Magnus had been on a collision course since the moment they met and no matter how much Alec had tried to break out of it, he couldn’t resist the pull Magnus exerted on him. So he finally stopped resisting, giving himself over to his fate. His feet had carried him down that aisle almost of their own volition, like his body knew where Alec needed to go before Alec truly did. To Magnus’ side. Where he belonged.

It’s overwhelming and yet so deceptively simple. Alec loves Magnus.

Before, Alec had wished to finally fall asleep, unsure what to do with himself, but in light of this new revelation, he wishes the night would never end. No matter what the future has in store for them, tonight he has the man he loves in his arms.

Alec finally realized his own feelings, but he has no idea what Magnus’ feelings on the matter are. Just because Alec is in head over heels doesn’t mean Magnus is equally foolish and overenthusiastic. He may have been the one doggedly pursuing Alec, but that doesn’t mean his feelings run that deep. For all Alec knows, he may just be one in a long list of Magnus’ distractions, his newest conquest, fun for the moment but ultimately inconsequential. Isn’t that what Camille had said? Alec ignores the little pang at that thought and firmly pushes all thoughts of Camille out of his mind. Tonight, it doesn’t matter.

Alec is sure he would be stressing out about Magnus’ feelings if he were awake, but since there’s no way to ask him right now (short of waking Magnus, and Alec’s refusal to do just that is what got him here in the first place), he allows himself just this moment. This perfect feeling of holding the person he loves close, feeling Magnus’ heartbeat against his chest, feel his breath, the rise and fall of his chest, his warm solid weight against his body.

Right now, Magnus is his. Alec has everything he wants. Right now, in this very moment, Alec’s happy.

 

He eventually falls asleep, smile on his face and Magnus snug in his arms.


End file.
